25yo sister pregnant, wants us to adopt

[bb_wolfe]

What is the name of your state? South DAkota

My 25 year old, perpetually irresponsible, sister has found she's pregnant. Our parents are pushing her to give it up for adoption on the premise the child needs 2 parents and a stable home. I'm 27, married 3 years with 2 kids, and a household income of just under 100K.

Sister and parents have mentioned they'd like to see us adopt the child.

While I'm not opposed to the thought, I'm concerned that if we were to adopt the child, and my sister gets her ducks in a row and learns to support herself with a college degree and normal employment, that she may want the child back. If she had a stable job as a teacher, and a normal life (8-5, not this overnight bar tending crap.), she would be just fine raising a kid. She's 3 years into college, with graduation in May 09.

My question is this: I understand adoption to be a 'final' solution. Is there anything in between that would allow my wife and I to raise the child as legal guardians, then when [if] my sister lands on her feet, she resume parenting and we're no longer involved legally?

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

where is the father?

[bb_wolfe]

Originally Posted by Ginny J

where is the father?

They've broken up and he's currently unemployed. He's an ex-marine with no college and very little real world job skills. He worked for my father for a time, but no longer.

From what I've been told, he's opposed to the child and wants her to have an abortion. Even if they did come to terms, I doubt he'd be willing to take the child given his lack of funds, employment, and maturity.

If they were to live together, it wouldn't be the end of the world, but they're both so darn immature it's only a matter of time before they fight and the kid suffers.

I'm not sure what his position on adopting out is, but if his attitude of dodging any financial responsibility is any indicator, he's all for it so long as it doesn't cost him anything, ever.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by bb_wolfe

They've broken up and he's currently unemployed. He's an ex-marine with no college and very little real world job skills. He worked for my father for a time, but no longer.

From what I've been told, he's opposed to the child and wants her to have an abortion. Even if they did come to terms, I doubt he'd be willing to take the child given his lack of funds, employment, and maturity.

If they were to live together, it wouldn't be the end of the world, but they're both so darn immature it's only a matter of time before they fight and the kid suffers.

I'm not sure what his position on adopting out is, but if his attitude of dodging any financial responsibility is any indicator, he's all for it so long as it doesn't cost him anything, ever.

Dad has to be established as father and then CONSENT to any adoption. Your sister may be able to give you temporary guardianship (with the dad's permission). Whether they are immature or not it does not matter. If he wants the child, he has a right to raise his child. If your sister did not think he was father material quite frankly she should not have done the deed that made him a father -- that is how the court will view it. And you cannot assume that hhe will be favor of you adopting his child (once of course he is determined to be the daddy).

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by bb_wolfe

What is the name of your state? South DAkota

My 25 year old, perpetually irresponsible, sister has found she's pregnant. Our parents are pushing her to give it up for adoption on the premise the child needs 2 parents and a stable home. I'm 27, married 3 years with 2 kids, and a household income of just under 100K.

Sister and parents have mentioned they'd like to see us adopt the child.

While I'm not opposed to the thought, I'm concerned that if we were to adopt the child, and my sister gets her ducks in a row and learns to support herself with a college degree and normal employment, that she may want the child back. If she had a stable job as a teacher, and a normal life (8-5, not this overnight bar tending crap.), she would be just fine raising a kid. She's 3 years into college, with graduation in May 09.

My question is this: I understand adoption to be a 'final' solution. Is there anything in between that would allow my wife and I to raise the child as legal guardians, then when [if] my sister lands on her feet, she resume parenting and we're no longer involved legally?

You are correct that adoption truly is "final". The child would become your child and your sister would become his/her aunt. As you already have been told, the father would also have to consent to the adoption.

However, she and the father could certainly give you guardianship of the child. The father would likely be more amenable to that if child support was NOT an issue. The thing however, is that you and your spouse are going to become very attached to this child....and the child to you. It would be far more difficult to let the child go than you might realize. Therefore adoption may be a wiser idea.

[CJane]

Originally Posted by bb_wolfe

If she had a stable job as a teacher, and a normal life (8-5, not this overnight bar tending crap.), she would be just fine raising a kid. She's 3 years into college, with graduation in May 09.

I would just like to say that MY sister, at 21, found out she was pregnant from a one night stand/BCP failure... she was going to school days/working nights at several bars in town... horrible schedule, low pay, barely average grades.

And somehow, she managed to work at the bars all through her pregnancy, bring her grades up, enlist the help of friends/family to keep the child once born while she attended classes and completed her master's degree before she was 25.

Now, at almost 31, she's got a bright, wonderful, healthy and happy 9 year old boy - 10 in a few days, actually. Her personal income is nearly $100K/year. The father has NEVER chosen to be involved with the child.

Give your 'perpetually irresponsible' sister a break. Maybe, just maybe, if people stop telling her she can't do it, she'll grow up right before your eyes.

[Zigner]

Originally Posted by bb_wolfe

Our parents are pushing her to give it up for adoption

Your parents have absolutely no say in this

If she had a stable job as a teacher, and a normal life (8-5, not this overnight bar tending crap.), she would be just fine raising a kid.

What you are looking for is to make your sister live the life YOU think she should live.

She's 3 years into college, with graduation in May 09.

Which shows to me that she not all THAT irresponsible.

Look, bottom line. If your sis really wants to give the child up for adoption to you, then it is final. However, I really doubt that the sister's wishes are coming in to play much (if at all) here.

[Zephyr]

is abortion an option?

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Has the sister said what SHE would like to have happen - particularly with parents not in earshot? Has she gone to a counselor/therapist/pastor/whatever to weigh out her options - an impartial person?