Adopted a juvenile delinquent

[genihanna]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida
I adopted a 15 year old from foster care and she has turned out to be a juvenile delinquent. What can I do? I am questioning my decision to adopt. Is there a program she can be put in?

She is currently in trouble and the courts are trying to impose parental sanctions on me! I've only had custody of her for a little over a year and the adoption was finalized the 8th of August. How is it that I'm responsible for the behavior she learned while in foster care? She was shifted from home to home, was sexually abused, and this is NOT her first brush with the law. Her mother is currently incarcerated and the majority of her natural family are convicted felons. No one would keep her except me. I thought I was doing a good thing.

I'm not a wealthy person. I cannot afford to pay restitution to her victim. I can't even afford an attorney without trying to mortgage my home, which probably won't work since I'm disabled and don't work - I only get a small check each month to live on, even though my home is paid for.

My family tried to warn me but I was so optimistic. I figured since I don't work I would have time for the child. Little did I know, when teenagers in the foster care system get away from their homes, they tend to go berzerk!

I can't believe the mess I'm in. I feel so bad for the child but she has no conscience obviously. She thinks the world owes her. She fooled the heck out of me! I know it sounds cruel, but just like a used car needing a bunch of repairs, I got a "lemon."

Where do I turn for help? The foster care people no longer are involved. They actually couldn't wait to get her adopted - she had been in the system since 2002. And had been getting in trouble for the past 3 years, so I'm told.

[AnotherMoron]

Originally Posted by genihanna

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida
I adopted a 15 year old from foster care and she has turned out to be a juvenile delinquent. What can I do? I am questioning my decision to adopt. Is there a program she can be put in?

She is currently in trouble and the courts are trying to impose parental sanctions on me! I've only had custody of her for a little over a year and the adoption was finalized the 8th of August. How is it that I'm responsible for the behavior she learned while in foster care? She was shifted from home to home, was sexually abused, and this is NOT her first brush with the law. Her mother is currently incarcerated and the majority of her natural family are convicted felons. No one would keep her except me. I thought I was doing a good thing.

I'm not a wealthy person. I cannot afford to pay restitution to her victim. I can't even afford an attorney without trying to mortgage my home, which probably won't work since I'm disabled and don't work - I only get a small check each month to live on, even though my home is paid for.

My family tried to warn me but I was so optimistic. I figured since I don't work I would have time for the child. Little did I know, when teenagers in the foster care system get away from their homes, they tend to go berzerk!

I can't believe the mess I'm in. I feel so bad for the child but she has no conscience obviously. She thinks the world owes her. She fooled the heck out of me! I know it sounds cruel, but just like a used car needing a bunch of repairs, I got a "lemon."

Where do I turn for help? The foster care people no longer are involved. They actually couldn't wait to get her adopted - she had been in the system since 2002. And had been getting in trouble for the past 3 years, so I'm told.

This kid needs some serious therapy. You did do a really great thing by adopting her, but that's just the beginning, she needs to be seen, regularly, by a professional therapist. This is not something you can fix. If you can't afford a therapist you should be able to get one via the county or state for low or no cost. There are also private therapists that work on a sliding scale, your local health dept can likely give you the names and numbers of them. Don't give up her on, 15 is still young enough to turn her life around. You're her best hope it sounds like. Get some professional help and you both will come out of this better people.

[Nativity]

I disagree you never should have adopted her, this poor girl needs to be with someone who actually sees her as a human being and loves her.

Why the hell would you adopt a child when you live off of disability checks?

[Ohiogal]

Don't you also post as imansgodmom?

If so knock it off and quit posting under more than one user name.

Implicated by an enemy

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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida
My child was a participant in an attempted car jacking. A girl who has been bullying her for over a year led the crime and my kid was supposed to be the driver. Two of the 4 girls involved sprayed the woman with pepper spray and, while my kid waited in the driver's seat for keys, they heard sirens and all ran away. The main girl was caught, but later released - she gave my kid's name to the detectives but not the other 2. Now my kid has been in the juvenile center for 12 days, has not spoken to her PD, and is not eligible for home detention because the crime is considered attempted armed robbery. I told her NOT to speak to anyone other than to let them know we want a trial - she has yet to meet with the assigned public defender! At the last court hearing I was handed papers regarding 'parental sanctions', which pissed me off. (Why should I be made to "pay" for her alleged cime?) We can't afford a private attorney but desperately need one, don't we? (NOTE: I adopted this kid from the foster care system - finalized on August 8th.) (NOTE 2: About a year ago the "bad" girl came with her gang to our house to confront my kid - when I wouldn't let her out the door, the girls broke out my car windows - we have a police report. This girl is extremely evil and devious - I had to home school my kid last year due to the constant threats and lack of police assistance - even DCF couldn't/didn't do anything to help! The foster care system is a whole 'nuther issue!)
Any advice? They need to show proof that my kid ought to be this severely punished. Her next court date isn't until Sept. 22nd - making it 20 days she will have been in custody. I believe we are being unfairly taken advantage of. Help!

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Last edited by imansgodmom : Yesterday at 01:50 AM.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by AnotherMoron

This kid needs some serious therapy. You did do a really great thing by adopting her, but that's just the beginning, she needs to be seen, regularly, by a professional therapist. This is not something you can fix. If you can't afford a therapist you should be able to get one via the county or state for low or no cost. There are also private therapists that work on a sliding scale, your local health dept can likely give you the names and numbers of them. Don't give up her on, 15 is still young enough to turn her life around. You're her best hope it sounds like. Get some professional help and you both will come out of this better people.

You are congratulating an irresponsible, abusive woman? If this woman is the child's best hope then this child is doomed.

[AnotherMoron]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

You are congratulating an irresponsible, abusive woman? If this woman is the child's best hope then this child is doomed.

Congratulating her? Hardly. I think she's giving up too soon and I'm trying to convince her otherwise, because yeah, sad as it is, this lady probably is this kid's best hope.

Of course there could be other posts of the OP's that I'm unaware of that could change my mind, I'm not one to go post stalking anyone, though, too busy with my own life.

[momofrose]

Soundds to me like you knew her history and th eproblems she had and has..now that you are dealing with them it's too much for you?

Listen, the girl was sexually abused, her bio-parents are in jail and she has had many issued (understandably so) - the last thing she needs is her mom (YOU!!!) giving up onher.

Stand up and be the mom you signed on to be like the rest of us - she is not a "lemon" - but you sure as hell sound like one!!

[TXMimi]

I'm sure this child has been through more than most of us could imagine! When becoming a Foster or adoptive parent of a child especially an older child that has been in the system you have to expect some sort of issues. I don't know what the rules are in your state but in Texas you have several classes you have to attend. They want to assure the adoptive parent is not going in blinded thinking life is going to be some fairy tale story.

As to the behavior of this child, you could take a child with the closest to perfect up bringing and conditions and still have similar issues and behaviors. The out come does have a lot to do with the way the situation is handled and the type of help and support you and the child get and have.

Surely you had to have had some sort of idea how difficult parenting a child is, especially a teenager. Abandoning her now will most likely assure her failure in life!