Adopting "My son"

[Thisguy1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My wife and I are wondering how do we adopt my son. Legally and biologically he is not my son. I have raised him since he was 2 years old, he is now 5.

I changed his diapers when they needed changed, I potty trained him. I took him to the doctors when he was sick, I buy his food and his clothes, I wake up and hold him when he has nightmares at night. I pay for his school. I work the long hours and spend the quality time that every child deserves.(I don't mean to cut my wife out she is a great mother, and helps with everything I just want to state this as the father side of things.)

How is it that the biological father still has rights to our son. He has never made or tried to make contact with our son. He does not pay child support even though the court has ordered him to do so. He probably doesn't even know what he looks like.

I am just trying to figure out what we need to do so that I can legally adopt him. Where should I start or is it even possible. Any help would be great.

Thanks!!!

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My wife and I are wondering how do we adopt my son. Legally and biologically he is not my son. I have raised him since he was 2 years old, he is now 5.

I changed his diapers when they needed changed, I potty trained him. I took him to the doctors when he was sick, I buy his food and his clothes, I wake up and hold him when he has nightmares at night. I pay for his school. I work the long hours and spend the quality time that every child deserves.(I don't mean to cut my wife out she is a great mother, and helps with everything I just want to state this as the father side of things.)

How is it that the biological father still has rights to our son. He has never made or tried to make contact with our son. He does not pay child support even though the court has ordered him to do so. He probably doesn't even know what he looks like.

I am just trying to figure out what we need to do so that I can legally adopt him. Where should I start or is it even possible. Any help would be great.

Thanks!!!

You'll need an attorney. Adoption is not a DIY project.

 

[RRevak]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My wife and I are wondering how do we adopt my son. Legally and biologically he is not my son. I have raised him since he was 2 years old, he is now 5.

I changed his diapers when they needed changed, I potty trained him. I took him to the doctors when he was sick, I buy his food and his clothes, I wake up and hold him when he has nightmares at night. I pay for his school. I work the long hours and spend the quality time that every child deserves.(I don't mean to cut my wife out she is a great mother, and helps with everything I just want to state this as the father side of things.)

How is it that the biological father still has rights to our son. He has never made or tried to make contact with our son. He does not pay child support even though the court has ordered him to do so. He probably doesn't even know what he looks like.

I am just trying to figure out what we need to do so that I can legally adopt him. Where should I start or is it even possible. Any help would be great.

Thanks!!!

OP you're not going to like what i'm about to say but its something you need to hear. You are not "dad" and this is not "your son". This is (at this moment) your step son. You ask why his father still has rights? Its because we are guaranteed rights to our children unless a court takes them away...which takes far FAR more than you can even imagine. So until things change, in the eyes of the law this is not your son.

Now, you say dad has not been around. Is that ever or just since he was 2? Has mom always been available with the child should dad ever attempt contact? Did mom move with the child and not inform dad of their whereabouts? Has mom changed her phone number or other contact information and not inform dad? Trust me OP there are reasons i'm asking the questions I do. I've been through a step-adoption process here in sunny FL so I know a bit about what I say here. Also, please PLEASE (and this is one of the most important questions i'm asking at this moment) does the child know of dad or have you and mom told the child you were his father?

 

[Proserpina]

OP, start reading: http://www.floridabar.org/tfb/TFBConsum.nsf/48e76203493b82ad852567090070c9b9/40018bdf1f308fe985256b2f006c5c11?OpenDocument#WHO MAY ADOPT A CHILD?

Apologies for the insufferably long link.

 

[Thisguy1]

OP you're not going to like what i'm about to say but its something you need to hear. You are not "dad" and this is not "your son". This is (at this moment) your step son. You ask why his father still has rights? Its because we are guaranteed rights to our children unless a court takes them away...which takes far FAR more than you can even imagine. So until things change, in the eyes of the law this is not your son.

Now, you say dad has not been around. Is that ever or just since he was 2? Has mom always been available with the child should dad ever attempt contact? Did mom move with the child and not inform dad of their whereabouts? Has mom changed her phone number or other contact information and not inform dad? Trust me OP there are reasons i'm asking the questions I do. I've been through a step-adoption process here in sunny FL so I know a bit about what I say here. Also, please PLEASE (and this is one of the most important questions i'm asking at this moment) does the child know of dad or have you and mom told the child you were his father?

We have never told him I was his father, slowly over time he just started saying that I was dad. He knows his last name is not the same as mine. Also mom has changed info but we've seen him in court, and he received our info at that point. It's been the same since that, but dad has moved across the country and we have not heard from him. This guy has 4 children with 4 different women, and he's not even 25. He doesn't talk to any of his children.

Even if we did try and explain it to him that about his real father I'm not sure he's at the age of understanding yet. Where he would fully comprehend it.

Thanks for the response btw.

 

[RRevak]

We have never told him I was his father, slowly over time he just started saying that I was dad. He knows his last name is not the same as mine. Also mom has changed info but we've seen him in court, and he received our info at that point. It's been the same since that, but dad has moved across the country and we have not heard from him. This guy has 4 children with 4 different women, and he's not even 25. He doesn't talk to any of his children.

Even if we did try and explain it to him that about his real father I'm not sure he's at the age of understanding yet. Where he would fully comprehend it.

Thanks for the response btw.

Please please and PLEASE do NOT let this kiddo believe you are dad. Remind him on occasion that he does have a father somewhere because making sure he knows you aren't dad saves you all a lot of heartbreak down the road. There is no "we'll tell him when he's old enough", there is no "well he just started calling me dad but we didn't realize that he actually believed I was", there is no "I feel like dad so maybe I am dad", and there certainly is no "kiddo loves me so we know he'll handle it well later on if he finds out i'm not really his dad. I've been there the whole time anyway". There are countless stories both here and elsewhere of children being emotionally crushed at finding out the people they believe are their parents aren't in fact their parents. Really OP i'm serious. Please make sure this child knows he has a father.

As for the rest. Does mom know where dad is now? Dad will have to be notified of any and all proceedings pertaining to an adoption and just so you know, if he does find out and refuses to consent then you're up a creek without a paddle. No adoption will take place unless dad is fully on board the ENTIRE time and is willing to testify as such. Even if you're 10 seconds away from signing, if dad changes his mind then its done. You'll need a good attorney who can learn and understand the ins and outs of your situation because an adoption is not a DIY deal. Any mess up and you can find yourselves down the road later on with an overturn situation because someone forgot to dot an I or cross a T. Its pretty complicated stuff. You will also have to understand that once its over this will actually be your son. If you and mom divorce that means you're on the hook for child support (if applicable) and all the rights and responsibilities of raising a child. I can't tell you how many men (and women) we've had on here adopt their spouses children out of "love" but balk after divorce and come here asking how to take their names off the paperwork. Its sad but it happens...a lot. Its a big deal and I strongly urge you to really ask yourself if an adoption is worth it. Does a piece of paper really tell you that this kiddo means something to you? The court will also be wanting to know that you understand these things. One thing you also need to potentially be prepared for...there are times (and we've seen it here and in my own situation) when an adoption comes up, that dads will suddenly come to Jesus so to speak and immediately want to be back in their childrens lives. I never seem to understand why but it happens. If that occurs then you're going to have to understand that if dad decides he wants visitation etc that he will get it. You won't be able to make a judge force him to relinquish his rights if he decides to assert them.

Find some time to sit yourself down and ask yourself if this is necessary. Then ask yourself if you're ok with the idea of having a child that is not biologically yours if the worst happens. Then if you're still on board, find a good attorney specializing in adoption and go from there. Good luck OP, this can either be a beautiful situation or a brewing cauldron of awful. Think on it hard.