Adoption/Childsupport question

[momof5]

What is the name of your state? IA

I had a son out of wedlock about 9 years ago. His biological father has chosen not to see him or be involved in his life at all. My son has only seen him once, and that was when he was only 1 year old.
He has been paying childsupport since my son was 3. I am a stay at home mom and I depend on that support to help pay bills. I have since remarried and my DH (and I) would like to legally adopt my son. I know the bio dad would gladly relenquish his rights to my son so we could adopt him. Would it be a possibility to ask for a lump sum of money from the biological DH that would represent 4-5 years of childsupport in the process of adopting him? Just wondering if this is an option.

thanks,
momof5

[nextwife]

So you want to have yourself and husband BE the legal parents, but NOT have you and your husband be the financial parents?

Hon, I'm an adoptive parent, and getting to be an adoptive parent means TOTALLY being the parent, including financially. I don't get to ask my child's bioparent(s) to support my child financially if I am her parent and they are NOT her parent. I'd like to stay home, too, but my child needs to be supported, and it is the responsibility of her LEGAL parents, not her bioparents, to do so. You can't have husband adopt, yet hold ex responsible for any post -adoption support! We adoptive parents are supposed to support the kids we adopt, even if it means we may have to work when we'd prefer to get to stay home to play with our kiddos instead.

[momof5]

Thank you for your input. I understand that after the adoption, we will be his parents financially as well. I am a stay at home mom *not* because I want to stay home and play with the kiddies. I am a SAHM because the jobs available around here do not pay enough for me to justify getting one. I run a business from my home which suppliments our income.

I am not asking for back-support. I am asking if it would be possible to ask for the next 4-5years of childsupport (as opposed to him paying for the next 9 years) when initiating the adoption so we have a "savings" so to speak for future expenses for my son. This would alleviate his responsibility to pay monthly child support, as well as benefit him in the long run.

I hope this clears things up.

momof5

[Neal1421]

Originally Posted by momof5

Thank you for your input. I understand that after the adoption, we will be his parents financially as well. I am a stay at home mom *not* because I want to stay home and play with the kiddies. I am a SAHM because the jobs available around here do not pay enough for me to justify getting one. I run a business from my home which suppliments our income.

I am not asking for back-support. I am asking if it would be possible to ask for the next 4-5years of childsupport (as opposed to him paying for the next 9 years) when initiating the adoption so we have a "savings" so to speak for future expenses for my son. This would alleviate his responsibility to pay monthly child support, as well as benefit him in the long run.

I hope this clears things up.

momof5

No, you can't do that. If your husband adopts the child, he will be responsible for the future expenses of the child.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by momof5

Thank you for your input. I understand that after the adoption, we will be his parents financially as well. I am a stay at home mom *not* because I want to stay home and play with the kiddies. I am a SAHM because the jobs available around here do not pay enough for me to justify getting one. I run a business from my home which suppliments our income.

I am not asking for back-support. I am asking if it would be possible to ask for the next 4-5years of childsupport (as opposed to him paying for the next 9 years) when initiating the adoption so we have a "savings" so to speak for future expenses for my son. This would alleviate his responsibility to pay monthly child support, as well as benefit him in the long run.

I hope this clears things up.

It sure does.

You plan to sell your son. Lovely.

[momofrose]

Originally Posted by momof5

Thank you for your input. I understand that after the adoption, we will be his parents financially as well. I am a stay at home mom *not* because I want to stay home and play with the kiddies. I am a SAHM because the jobs available around here do not pay enough for me to justify getting one. I run a business from my home which suppliments our income.

I am not asking for back-support. I am asking if it would be possible to ask for the next 4-5years of childsupport (as opposed to him paying for the next 9 years) when initiating the adoption so we have a "savings" so to speak for future expenses for my son. This would alleviate his responsibility to pay monthly child support, as well as benefit him in the long run.

I hope this clears things up.

momof5

Once the adoption is final and your DH is legally the father the bio-father will have no finacial repsonsibility whatsoever. I find it a bit incredulous that you would ask the father to relinquish his rights and then ask him for 5 additional years of child support - that's ridiculous! How would it benefit him in the long run???

If your Dh adopts your son, bio father is put of the picture...or you can leave things as they are and collect your child support which you say you need to pay bills.

D

[momof5]

I was only looking for some advise (thanks to those who offered advise) not to be blasted for just asking a question. This is the first time I have posted here and I'm surprised at the rude responses I have received. So, Nevermind.

momof5

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by momof5

I was only looking for some advise (thanks to those who offered advise) not to be blasted for just asking a question. This is the first time I have posted here and I'm surprised at the rude responses I have received. So, Nevermind.

What on earth could possibly surprise you? You seem to have it all figured out. You dump Dad, get years of CS from him to "equal out" the fact that he won't be obligated to pay till majority, stay home some more.

Not surprising to me. It's your plan; I can't imagine how hearing the truth phrased in a slightly different fashion is "surprising" to you.

[momof5]

It's not my "plan". I was just asking the question LOOKING FOR SOME FACTUAL INFORMATION, not your opinions. This was obviously the wrong place to look.
BTW - you act like being a SAHM is something to be ashamed of or something that I'm doing because I'm lazy. I work my butt off around here to keep this household running. I'm not ashamed of it and I really don't care what your opinion is of it or me.

When/if you have some facts for me, I will be happy to listen. Otherwise, no opinions please.

momof5

[Zephyr]

fact is once the child was adopted dad would have no obligation, financial or otherwise to that child, so why would he want to give you the gift of 4-5 years worth of support for a child he would not have an obligation to support.

the premise of it just does not make sense to me- but you could certainly ask him and see what he says......

he seems fine with the situation as is- you and hubby are the ones who want a change, what motivation does he have to oblige you?

[momof5]

I am only concerned about the situation as it is because if something ever happened to me, I'm not sure where that would leave my son. I thought perhaps if we offered to save him 4-5 years of childsupport, he would be more motivated.

momof5

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by momof5

I am only concerned about the situation as it is because if something ever happened to me, I'm not sure where that would leave my son. I thought perhaps if we offered to save him 4-5 years of childsupport, he would be more motivated.

momof5

if you died child would go to dad

[AHA]

Originally Posted by momof5

I was only looking for some advise (thanks to those who offered advise) not to be blasted for just asking a question. This is the first time I have posted here and I'm surprised at the rude responses I have received. So, Nevermind.

momof5

So you would rather have your @ss chewed by a judge, and therefore making him/her side with the biodad AGAINST you, instead of finding out now that your plan is moronic????????????????????? Oooooookkkkkeeeeyyyyy, whatever floats your boat, lady.

[haiku]

you are very confused.

An adoption ends all financial obligations to the child unless there is arearages involved. (forgiving arrearages is considered an "incentive", for example)

With no arearage involved, what you are offering is a great deal for you, and a ridiculous deal for your ex. If you want 5 more years of support from him, you might as well wait 5 years for your husband to adopt him.

And frankly, if your husband cannot afford to support the kid without the support money he CAN'T afford to adopt your son.

[nextwife]

The whole idea of a parent wanting to adopt a child, but to still to try to make the bioparent responsible for their financial support blows me away.

Being an adoptive parent means being a PARENT IN EVERY SINGLE WAY- EMOTIONALLY, financially and legally. Adoptive parenst are 100% (other than DNA) the same as the bioparent. As Haiku said, anybody who is not prepared to accept ALL the responsibilities for THEIR child, from adoption forward, has no business adopting that child at all. We adoptive parents don't get to have the rights that come with being an adoptive parent without simultaneously assuming ALL the responsibilities.