Adoption or form of custody prior to Marriage

[lousch7]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

BLUF: What options are there for custody/adoption of a child before marriage?

Background: My fiance and I are engaged to be married in March 2009. We are in what is commonly referred to as a dual military relationship I.E. we are both in the military. I recently returned home from deployment and she is scheduled to deploy OCONUS shortly after our wedding date.

She has a child (boy, 9 years old) from a previous relationship (not marriage). The father has never been in her son's life they have never even met before. His name also does not appear on the birth certificate however, a proof of paternity had to have been performed as NYS mandates that he pay child support.

The question isn't a straight forward close-ended question (yes/no) due to the obvious constraints of the military and time lines. We are wondering what options are available to us to ensure that the child is taken care of (legally/emotionally).
We have decided on spending our lives together and her son is part of that life. With me being the male the traditional sense is that she would take my name and we want to ensure that there is no emotionally issues with her son in regards to his name changing half way through school etc...

I also want to ensure that I am legally able to take care of him (doctor's, schools, er, etc.) when and if the military makes it difficult for his mother (my future wife) to do so.

Any and all help is greatly appreciated. I am already aware that many states (as far as I know NYS included) much prefer a one to two (1-2) year period of marriage prior to any form of adoption.

Thank you in advanceWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

[CourtClerk]

Originally Posted by lousch7

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

BLUF: What options are there for custody/adoption of a child before marriage?

In most jursidictions, none. Courts are not going to allow someone to legally commit to a child, when they've made no legal committment to their parent. Friends don't get to adopt.

Background: My fiance and I are engaged to be married in March 2009. We are in what is commonly referred to as a dual military relationship I.E. we are both in the military. I recently returned home from deployment and she is scheduled to deploy OCONUS shortly after our wedding date.

She has a child (boy, 9 years old) from a previous relationship (not marriage). The father has never been in her son's life they have never even met before. His name also does not appear on the birth certificate however, a proof of paternity had to have been performed as NYS mandates that he pay child support.

The question isn't a straight forward close-ended question (yes/no) due to the obvious constraints of the military and time lines. We are wondering what options are available to us to ensure that the child is taken care of (legally/emotionally).

Mom needs to do whatever she's been doing until you guys get married and meet NYS requirements for a step parent adoption.

We have decided on spending our lives together and her son is part of that life. With me being the male the traditional sense is that she would take my name and we want to ensure that there is no emotionally issues with her son in regards to his name changing half way through school etc...

I changed my child's name right smack dab in the middle of the school year. There are no emotional issues.

I also want to ensure that I am legally able to take care of him (doctor's, schools, er, etc.) when and if the military makes it difficult for his mother (my future wife) to do so.

Then you will have to adopt the child so that he becomes legally your child.

Oh, and thank you and your girlfriend for your service.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by CourtClerk

In most jursidictions, none. Courts are not going to allow someone to legally commit to a child, when they've made no legal committment to their parent. Friends don't get to adopt.

Mom needs to do whatever she's been doing until you guys get married and meet NYS requirements for a step parent adoption.

I changed my child's name right smack dab in the middle of the school year. There are no emotional issues.

Then you will have to adopt the child so that he becomes legally your child.

Oh, and thank you and your girlfriend for your service.

There is another option in the meantime. Since dad is completely out of the picture, mom could give her husband her military POA to care for the child during her deployment.

[beautifulchaos]

If you adopt her child, then you two divorce, your in charge of child support.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by beautifulchaos

If you adopt her child, then you two divorce, your in charge of child support.

Your remark insinuates an assumption that fathers never receive primary custody.