All But changed my mind HELP??

[southerncali]

What is the name of your state? California

I have a serious issue. I am 7 months pregnant and I verbally consented to adoption. I have all but changed my mind about giving my baby up. I was told that if i dont give the baby to these people I will have to pay back to adoptive parents all the money they have spent for my medical and stuff. Can they do that? Do I have to give them my baby or pay them back? Someone please help.

[seniorjudge]

Originally Posted by southerncali

What is the name of your state? California

I have a serious issue. I am 7 months pregnant and I verbally consented to adoption. I have all but changed my mind about giving my baby up. I was told that if i dont give the baby to these people I will have to pay back to adoptive parents all the money they have spent for my medical and stuff. Can they do that? Do I have to give them my baby or pay them back? Someone please help.

You really need a lawyer.

I am not sure a verbal agreement is valid in your case.

Also, you may have to be paying back money if a court finds you liable.

In other words, get a lawyer.

[fairisfair]

[url]http://www.weblocator.com/attorney/ca/law/c08.html[/url]

In California, as in all other states, it is illegal to buy a baby. Adoptive parents are prohibited from paying or offering anything of value to a parent for the right to adopt a child. This law does not prohibit adoption agencies or intermediaries, such as attorneys, from charging fees for their services. Also, most states, including California, allow the adoptive parents to pay for the birth mother's medical expenses related to the birth of the child, as long as paying the expenses is not contingent on the birth mother's consent to the adoption.

[southerncali]

Thank you for your response, I spoke to an attorney this morning and was told almost the exact same thing. They cannot make you [pay back " birth mother" expenses because you change your mind. I feel much better now knowing that I can choose to keep my baby without the fear of being in financial ruins because I can no longer stand the thought of giving the baby up.

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by southerncali

Thank you for your response, I spoke to an attorney this morning and was told almost the exact same thing. They cannot make you [pay back " birth mother" expenses because you change your mind. I feel much better now knowing that I can choose to keep my baby without the fear of being in financial ruins because I can no longer stand the thought of giving the baby up.

how many times have you done this and what was your financial position before the adoptive parents entered the picture.

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by BelizeBreeze

how many times have you done this and what was your financial position before the adoptive parents entered the picture.

Most adoptive parents have a very FINITE amount of funds available for adoption. If you TAKE otheir money, under FALSE pretenses, why do you NOT feel a responsibility to pay them back what you took ONLY from them?

Do you realize that keeping their pool of adoption funds could very well prevent them from being able to adopt? Maybe from an orphanage, like my daughter? You could very well bve sentencing a child they COULD have otheraise adopted from getting a family, EVER? You may very well , by keeping their money, be SENTENCING a child to never having any family and to growing up in an orphanage? Do you feel you have the right to do that to a child?

WHY would you NOT feel that you have a responsibility to pay them back for YOUR expenses? What kind of person would take money and not return it if they broke an agreement? YOU are the one who should be responsible for YOUR expenses. not they. It's your baby, get used to paying for it, which is what parents do.

And frankly, your child isn't even born and you are, apparently, desirous already of turning your back on the financial demands of your pregnancy and child. If you already don't want financial responsibility for your child, what right do you have raising a child, when so much more financial responsibility will still be occuring after they are born? YOU are equally responsible to pay for all the costs associated with your choice to have a child.

If your attitude is that having and raising a child should be OTHER peoples responsibiliy, and not also, very much, YOURS, then you really have no business raising a child.

[stealth2]

While you may be legally clear with keeping the money, it is a morally bankrupt thing to do. Just be aware that karmic payback can be a real b*tch.

[momofrose]

No you are not legally respsonsible for paying the possible adoptive parents back. There is your legal answer..

Some advice though - please tell the adoptive parents (who no longer will be) immediately that you are choosing to raise the baby yourself. Being an adoptive parent myself - I have been down this road and it is heartbreaking to have a portential Birthmom change their mind (though I understand it fully as well, as it is very difficult decision)...My husband and I paid for everything a well, luckily, we go all but $500.00 back and went on to a successful domestic adoption.

You are going through a tough time and I urge you to seek counseling to make as sure as possible that you are making the right decision for your baby and be un front with the adoptive parents immediately so they can heal and move on to adopt another.

Good Luck

"D"

[maia]

Don't let anyone guilt you or coerce you into handing over your baby. Revocation is extremely difficult...
And remember that failed adoption expenses are eligible for the adoption tax credit so they'll get their money back.

Good luck and happy parenting.
Maia

[momofrose]

[quote=maia;1515512]Don't let anyone guilt you or coerce you into handing over your baby.

No one is trying to guilt her into anything. We are trying to show her to let the adoptiive parents know asap and not string them along.

Revocation is extremely difficult...
And remember that failed adoption expenses are eligible for the adoption tax credit so they'll get their money back.

That is often NOT true - it must be a succesful adoption...and if there is a tax credit it may not cover the thousands of dollars that the adoptive parents already spent.

Good luck and happy parenting.

She needs more than luck - she needs counseling to be at peace with her decision and to be a good parent

She received her legal answer from the first reply..

D

[GrandmaOH]

Originally Posted by southerncali

Thank you for your response, I spoke to an attorney this morning and was told almost the exact same thing. They cannot make you [pay back " birth mother" expenses because you change your mind. I feel much better now knowing that I can choose to keep my baby without the fear of being in financial ruins because I can no longer stand the thought of giving the baby up.

If you think paying for maternity/birthing expenses would put you in financial ruin, what do you think it's going to cost to raise this child?
It's time for you to be a real mom and make a decision which is in the best interest of the child.