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bio-father questions about rights protection w/step-parent adoption

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ollinx

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Oregon

I have an informal and amicable arrangement with the mother of my 4 year old son. We see each other several times a week and I have been paying for schooling fees, etc. as requested by his mom.

His mom is married with another child and her husband would like to adopt my son, because he says that if anything were to happen he could not make snap decisions regarding his health care or other issues.

I would like to keep things friendly, but I know if I let him adopt I will be giving up all rights to my son. They have mentioned drafting an agreement for all of us to basically get what we want, but I am not sure how to draft an agreement that will protect some degree of rights for the next 14 years.

I'd like to have faith in their intentions with this and my kid, but I am interested in protecting my rights and my sons. I have serious questions regarding their decision making skills at times and I'd like to retain some degree of leverage in my son's life for his own protection. I am also not very keen on giving up my own rights, but I'd like to comply as I can to their request.

I would appreciate any advice regarding this matter,
thank you.What is the name of your state?
 


Neal1421

Senior Member
ollinx said:
What is the name of your state? Oregon

I have an informal and amicable arrangement with the mother of my 4 year old son. We see each other several times a week and I have been paying for schooling fees, etc. as requested by his mom.

His mom is married with another child and her husband would like to adopt my son, because he says that if anything were to happen he could not make snap decisions regarding his health care or other issues.

I would like to keep things friendly, but I know if I let him adopt I will be giving up all rights to my son. They have mentioned drafting an agreement for all of us to basically get what we want, but I am not sure how to draft an agreement that will protect some degree of rights for the next 14 years.

I'd like to have faith in their intentions with this and my kid, but I am interested in protecting my rights and my sons. I have serious questions regarding their decision making skills at times and I'd like to retain some degree of leverage in my son's life for his own protection. I am also not very keen on giving up my own rights, but I'd like to comply as I can to their request.

I would appreciate any advice regarding this matter,
thank you.What is the name of your state?
If you let him adopt, you will legally have to give up your rights to the child.
Don't agree to it.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Do what Zephyr said. Power of Attorney for medical decisions IF you cannot be located in time.
 

ollinx

Junior Member
I've been concerned that this is less a matter of our child's safety and more a matter of the step-parent's insecurity....

So, to clarify, there is no necessity with regards to my child's safety or welfare that would not be covered by a POA. If it will not affect my child's safety, I am much more hesitant to relinquish my rights.

Are there any good online resources regarding these kinds of issues anyone can recommend?

thank you,
 

momofrose

Senior Member
ollinx said:
What is the name of your state? Oregon

I have serious questions regarding their decision making skills at times and I'd like to retain some degree of leverage in my son's life for his own protection. I am also not very keen on giving up my own rights, but I'd like to comply as I can to their request.

I would appreciate any advice regarding this matter,
thank you.What is the name of your state?

Then by all means do not agree to adoption...It is very unclear (if it is not a saftey issue) as to why this is being brought up..if he adopts your child you have NO legal rights...

d
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
ollinx said:
I've been concerned that this is less a matter of our child's safety and more a matter of the step-parent's insecurity....

So, to clarify, there is no necessity with regards to my child's safety or welfare that would not be covered by a POA. If it will not affect my child's safety, I am much more hesitant to relinquish my rights.

Are there any good online resources regarding these kinds of issues anyone can recommend?

thank you,
DO YOURSELF A HUGE FAVOR! Get a consult with an attorney for an hour to discuss what is that should be done in this situation to protect your son and protect your rights. There is no reason for you to relinquish your rights to the stepfather in order to make sure your child gets medical care as needed.
 

ollinx

Junior Member
Thank you all for your help.

This definitely makes me look at the situation a little differently.

I will definitely be consulting a lawyer.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
ollinx said:
Thank you all for your help.

This definitely makes me look at the situation a little differently.

I will definitely be consulting a lawyer.
Good. Its great to see a NCP who wants to be a parent! Good luck and things will work out for you.
 

haiku

Senior Member
Step parents needing POA"S is really a load of horse ****.

If you are an involved parent as you say, there is NO reason for step dad to have any sort of POA.

The child only needs 2 parents.

there is more to this story I am assuming......
 

ceara19

Senior Member
haiku said:
Step parents needing POA"S is really a load of horse ****.

If you are an involved parent as you say, there is NO reason for step dad to have any sort of POA.

The child only needs 2 parents.

there is more to this story I am assuming......
I agree. Giving the step dad POA isn't necessary. If there is a true medical EMERGENCY, treatment is NOT going to be denied. If the child some how breaks his leg while the only person around is the SD and the SD brings the kid to the ER, he won't be told to bring the child home and let him suffer until you can produce a parent or a POA. They will go ahead and treat the child. The POA will only give the SD the right to REFUSE life saving measures and personally I for one would NOT want a step parent to have this option. I don't even think MOM should be allowed to decide w/o consulting the OP since he is an involved parent.
 

ollinx

Junior Member
I think a part of their thinking is that in the future we will likely not be living as close together as we are now.

At this point, we all live in the same city, but probably this will not continue forever.

I think this is a concern of theirs regarding custody.

Another factor (I think), is that my kid's mom wants our son and his sister (the only bio-child of her husband) to stay together in case of the death of her and her husband and to be cared for by her parents. My assumption is a court would likely favor a bio-parent over the grandparents unless there were extenuating circumstances. This hasn't been weighing heavily on my mind since it seems highly unlikely that they would ever die together and that this would ever be an issue.

Regardless, I'd still like to exert some small amount of oversight over my own child's welfare and that seems to be out of the question if I allow the step-parent adoption to occur.

At this point, I am opting for joint mediation through a third party so that we can discuss these issues with some calm and as few lawyers as possible. :D
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
ollinx said:
I think a part of their thinking is that in the future we will likely not be living as close together as we are now.

At this point, we all live in the same city, but probably this will not continue forever.

I think this is a concern of theirs regarding custody.

Another factor (I think), is that my kid's mom wants our son and his sister (the only bio-child of her husband) to stay together in case of the death of her and her husband and to be cared for by her parents. My assumption is a court would likely favor a bio-parent over the grandparents unless there were extenuating circumstances. This hasn't been weighing heavily on my mind since it seems highly unlikely that they would ever die together and that this would ever be an issue.

Regardless, I'd still like to exert some small amount of oversight over my own child's welfare and that seems to be out of the question if I allow the step-parent adoption to occur.

At this point, I am opting for joint mediation through a third party so that we can discuss these issues with some calm and as few lawyers as possible. :D

honey- there really isn't an issue to discuss, when I read your very first post- the first thing that popped into my head was OMG they are trying to snow this guy right out of his kids life- do not sign anything, do not discuss it with them at all, once that adoption occurs YOU ARE OUT no matter what they have promised prior
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Zephyr said:
honey- there really isn't an issue to discuss, when I read your very first post- the first thing that popped into my head was OMG they are trying to snow this guy right out of his kids life- do not sign anything, do not discuss it with them at all, once that adoption occurs YOU ARE OUT no matter what they have promised prior
Totally agree with Zephyr. I thought the same thing, too. If you want to be able to see your kid, don't agree to this!!!
 

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