Can I change my mind?

[Wanttobemom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I went through in vitro to get pregnant, and the father, to whom I am not married, was our support as I was going to be a stay-at-home mother (my income would have gone to child care, so why not raise the child with me?). Due to some complications, instead of being able to work through pregnancy and stop after birth, I was unable to work from about the second month on.

Then the economy happened, the father ended up losing his job mid-transfer. So rather than having a job when we moved, he had no job. No job, no money, only odd jobs to get the rent paid, no insurance in a high-risk pregnancy. This isn't a life in which to raise a while. So were decided to adopt our baby. It wasn't an easy decision, but I don't believe in abortion.

Fast forward a few months. Things have greatly improved and we have a good home, enough income again, and I'm due very soon. But I don't think I can go through with the adoption. We are now in a position to raise our baby (his job that was eliminated was reinstated after they company couldn't get by without it). On the one hand, I don't want to back out of the adoption since that would hurt the other couple, but I don't think I will be able to let her go. I don't want to let her go. We went through hell ad back to get this pregnancy to last after half a dozen second-trimester losses! Either they hurt, or we do, and we want our baby. (For what it's worth, my ex-husband and I were going to adopt, and the birth mother decided she wanted to keep the baby, and we were hurt, but weren't going to fight her.)

Can the agency force us to hand over the baby in the hospital when she's born? They're saying we signed the paperwork agreeing to the adoption. Are they going to be allowed to take her when she's born and make us fight to get her back? Or do we have the legal right to withdraw from the adoption and have nothing more to do with them? My ex and I didn't fight, but I think the other couple will fight us. Since we don't want to adopt anymore, who will leave the hospital with our baby? What are some expected financial repercussions we face? If we don't reimburse any money, can they take our baby anyway because they paid for my medical care for a few months?

Also, no, we weren't planning to keep her when we started this. We didn't think he would get his job back. So there was no intent to get them pay and then back out when we started.

[divona2000]

Originally Posted by Wanttobemom

...the father ended up losing his job mid-transfer. So rather than having a job when we moved, he had no job. No job, no money, only odd jobs to get the rent paid, no insurance in a high-risk pregnancy...
Fast forward a few months. Things have greatly improved and we have a good home, enough income again, and I'm due very soon...
We are now in a position to raise our baby (his job that was eliminated was reinstated after they company couldn't get by without it)...
Also, no, we weren't planning to keep her when we started this. We didn't think he would get his job back...

But what happens the next time he loses his job?

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by divona2000

But what happens the next time he loses his job?

That's actually a very valid question. But since OP does want a legal answer, here we go.

Under California law, once you've signed the papers you can change your mind until either:
a. 30 days have elapsed, or
b. you have signed a document waiving your right to change your mind.

If you change your mind during the time allowed by law, California law states that the adopting parents must return the child to you.

[Blue Meanie]

Originally Posted by Dogmatique

That's actually a very valid question. But since OP does want a legal answer, here we go.

Dog can you post the link to the site you quoted from...

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Dogmatique

That's actually a very valid question. But since OP does want a legal answer, here we go.

I am also fairly certain that the final papers cannot be signed until after the baby is born.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

I am also fairly certain that the final papers cannot be signed until after the baby is born.

I didn't mean to imply that they could....

[url=http://www.adoptionlawfirm.com/editable/BirthParents.htm]Adoption Lawyers - Legal Service Attorneys for California, Open, Independent, Interstate, Contested, Adult, and Stepparent Adoptions and Guardianships for decades.[/url]

Now this does come from a law firm's site - although they're not actually citing actual statutes in their information.

I'll go hunting for those, too. If I've put the cart before the horse, or even put the horse on the wrong cart, I'll be back to edit.

[Proserpina]

Alrighty, this one is better:

Statute: Fam. Code §§ 8814.5; 8700 Revocation of Consent

* In a direct placement, after consent has been given, the parents have 30 days to submit a signed revocation and request the return of the child or sign a waiver of the right to revoke consent.
* In an agency adoption, consent is final and may only be rescinded by mutual consent, unless the birth parent has specified an adoptive parent and that placement is not finalized; then the parent has 30 days to rescind.

(from [url=http://laws.adoption.com/statutes/california-laws.html]California Adoption Laws[/url] - third page, I think)

[Wanttobemom]

If the law stated that the only people who could have and keep their children were those who could guarantee they'd never be without a job, there would be no parents in this world. No job is guaranteed to last forever. It's a very high and mighty attitude to take to hint that I shouldn't get to have a baby because he could lose his job again. Anyone could lose their job. Only an elite few can sit comfortable in their security that the economy isn't going to change their standard of living or mean no health care. Please remember not all of us in this country make six-figure incomes or more. Most of us are blue-collar who work to get by. You don't walk by the people cleaning your floors and spit on them, do you? Tell them to give up their kids because they might lose their jobs at some point?

If he loses his job, then it's back to the odd jobs or whatever can be done to pay the bills. If I don't have insurance after the birth, it doesn't mean death for me like not having insurance right now would. Because of the condition making natural childbirth impossible, the private insurance company that would take me as a pregnant woman wanted so much more than we could spare, well over $1k. Cobra was as much. Insurance for me won't be vital after birth.

Our difficulty, or our main one, was that there was going to be no safe way to deliver the baby without insurance. I'm not getting into my medical history, but it's a delicate situation. Natural delivery isn't possible. There is a reason we had to use in vitro. If the way to get the baby delivered safely meant to adopt, we were going to do that. We want the baby to get to be born alive and for me to live too. Without insurance, that wasn't going to happen, but with adoptions, the adoptive parents take care of the medical bills. A couple weeks ago we got our own insurance again (had to wait 90 days again even with the same company), and we didn't expect this to happen. If he hadn't gotten his job back, the baby would be going to a new home still.

If the final papers can't be signed until after he's born, does this mean we still have the full legal right to our baby, or do we still have to hand him over and then request him back?

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by Wanttobemom

If the law stated that the only people who could have and keep their children were those who could guarantee they'd never be without a job, there would be no parents in this world. No job is guaranteed to last forever. It's a very high and mighty attitude to take to hint that I shouldn't get to have a baby because he could lose his job again. Anyone could lose their job. Only an elite few can sit comfortable in their security that the economy isn't going to change their standard of living or mean no health care. Please remember not all of us in this country make six-figure incomes or more. Most of us are blue-collar who work to get by. You don't walk by the people cleaning your floors and spit on them, do you? Tell them to give up their kids because they might lose their jobs at some point?

If he loses his job, then it's back to the odd jobs or whatever can be done to pay the bills. If I don't have insurance after the birth, it doesn't mean death for me like not having insurance right now would. Because of the condition making natural childbirth impossible, the private insurance company that would take me as a pregnant woman wanted so much more than we could spare, well over $1k. Cobra was as much. Insurance for me won't be vital after birth.

Our difficulty, or our main one, was that there was going to be no safe way to deliver the baby without insurance. I'm not getting into my medical history, but it's a delicate situation. Natural delivery isn't possible. There is a reason we had to use in vitro. If the way to get the baby delivered safely meant to adopt, we were going to do that. We want the baby to get to be born alive and for me to live too. Without insurance, that wasn't going to happen, but with adoptions, the adoptive parents take care of the medical bills. A couple weeks ago we got our own insurance again (had to wait 90 days again even with the same company), and we didn't expect this to happen. If he hadn't gotten his job back, the baby would be going to a new home still.

If the final papers can't be signed until after he's born, does this mean we still have the full legal right to our baby, or do we still have to hand him over and then request him back?

If you have no insurance how did you pay for IVF?

On a low income you wouldn't qualify for state aid?

(and to be fair you were the one who mentioned that you were pregnant and your other half lost his job....and that's why you put the child up for adoption - or at least the main factor?)

[Wanttobemom]

We had insurance when we did in vitro. He lost his job in the middle of a transfer when his position at the new job site was eliminated, but the renstated it a month later when they realized it was a position they couldn't get by without.

If I was regular risk and physically capable of giving natural birth, I'd just go to an ER. Adoption came in when that was going to be the only way to get the c-section I have to have. A regular birth will kill me. The baby can't get out. It's physically impossible with my body.

[Blue Meanie]

Originally Posted by Wanttobemom

We had insurance when we did in vitro. He lost his job in the middle of a transfer when his position at the new job site was eliminated, but the renstated it a month later when they realized it was a position they couldn't get by without.

If I was regular risk and physically capable of giving natural birth, I'd just go to an ER. Adoption came in when that was going to be the only way to get the c-section I have to have. A regular birth will kill me. The baby can't get out. It's physically impossible with my body.

And after your totally UNJUSTIFIED rant against a member of this site...You really expect help? Lady we are VOLUNTEERS ...no one is paying us $300.00 an hour to take your crap.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by Blue Meanie

And after your totally UNJUSTIFIED rant against a member of this site...You really expect help? Lady we are VOLUNTEERS ...no one is paying us $300.00 an hour to take your crap.

Whaddidah miss?!?!

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by Wanttobemom

We had insurance when we did in vitro. He lost his job in the middle of a transfer when his position at the new job site was eliminated, but the renstated it a month later when they realized it was a position they couldn't get by without.

If I was regular risk and physically capable of giving natural birth, I'd just go to an ER. Adoption came in when that was going to be the only way to get the c-section I have to have. A regular birth will kill me. The baby can't get out. It's physically impossible with my body.

Um...if you presented to the ER in labor with such an obvious problem, you'd get your c-section pretty damn quickly.

You'd also get charged through the roof, but you'd still get that c-section.

Now, what about state aid?

[Proserpina]

...and I'm not seeing how or why you wouldn't qualify for Medi-Cal....

[CourtClerk]

Not to mention, what happens if the child isn't 100% healthy? What do you do for medical insurance then? Seems to me like you USED the adoptive parents to be for their funds so that SOMEONE would cover your medical costs. That's ALL I read in your posts... all of it.

Why DIDN'T you apply for medi-cal?

Oh, and no, they have no legal rights to the child until after the adoption is final, but I sure hope they come after you for the costs that they have expended, although sadly, I don't believe they can. Karma's a b**ch lady. Remember that.