Can my best friend and her mom adopt me?

[Zigner]

Here's what you do. You accept the fact that you are 15 years old and you are still too young to move out on your own so you have to stay home and follow your mother's rules. She's the one who is feeding you, clothing you, housing you, and raising you. You are too young and too naive to make adult decisions. You sound like a spoiled, dramatic brat who is mad that she can't do what she wants. Your mother is not a monster because she is not letting you do what you want. She's parenting you.

Ditto that - except we're also throwing the internet/interstate predator in to the mix...

 

[Eekamouse]

Ditto that - except we're also throwing the internet/interstate predator in to the mix...

Yes and OP's bestest friend is probably a 45 year old pedophile who is just dying to meet her and give her a whole new life..in a soundproof shed in his backyard. Good times!

 

[Proserpina]

Ditto that - except we're also throwing the internet/interstate predator in to the mix...

Absolutely. I'd be stunned if that wasn't the case.

OP, ask yourself this:

Why is this person - who doesn't know me from Adam, really - so keen for me to come and LIVE with her without even knowing who I am or what my home life is really about?

What sort of responsible adult would be of that mindset?

 

[Daedae7125]

Here's what you do. You accept the fact that you are 15 years old and you are still too young to move out on your own so you have to stay home and follow your mother's rules. She's the one who is feeding you, clothing you, housing you, and raising you. You are too young and too naive to make adult decisions. You sound like a spoiled, dramatic brat who is mad that she can't do what she wants. Your mother is not a monster because she is not letting you do what you want. She's parenting you.

So obviously i didn't explain right. I know she's parenting me and never was i ever spoiled and I'm not now. I never ask her for anything. My real issue is that she is always giving my hopes up. She accidentally hit our little brother and we watched him die in front of us. He is gone and i haven't been right since. She would always include me in her business..at times i had to help take care of my mom and i don't mind us struggling every now and then. My while family has issues with my mom. I don't care about getting what i want, i do everything for everyone. She made us vut off our relationship with my grandma. We secretly have to talk to her if my mom doesn't know. I didn't explain the real issues. I appreciate the things she does but honestly she makes me feel bad about every thing, including nyself. I find my friends online? yes, but there's a reason and i know the difference between a kid and a man or woman seeking a little kid. Im just trying to get an honest opinion because me and my sister are having a hard time here. I know she isn't a bad mom but it doesn't matter you guys won't understand, and that's fine. Even the litte things make me wonder why. We have lied for her for God knows how long. She uses the money my dad sends to me and my sister, and she uses me and my sister to get things from family.. I don't even need to explain anymore than i have.

 

[Zigner]

So obviously i didn't explain right. I know she's parenting me and never was i ever spoiled and I'm not now. I never ask her for anything. My real issue is that she is always giving my hopes up. She accidentally hit our little brother and we watched him die in front of us. He is gone and i haven't been right since. She would always include me in her business..at times i had to help take care of my mom and i don't mind us struggling every now and then. My while family has issues with my mom. I don't care about getting what i want, i do everything for everyone. She made us vut off our relationship with my grandma. We secretly have to talk to her if my mom doesn't know. I didn't explain the real issues. I appreciate the things she does but honestly she makes me feel bad about every thing, including nyself. I find my friends online? yes, but there's a reason and i know the difference between a kid and a man or woman seeking a little kid. Im just trying to get an honest opinion because me and my sister are having a hard time here. I know she isn't a bad mom but it doesn't matter you guys won't understand, and that's fine.

Are you in therapy?

 

[cbg]

Absolutely nothing you have posted changes the fact that you mother would have to voluntarily agree to have her parental rights stripped from her before anyone, let alone a legal stranger in another state, could adopt you.

 

[Eekamouse]

So obviously i didn't explain right. I know she's parenting me and never was i ever spoiled and I'm not now. I never ask her for anything. My real issue is that she is always giving my hopes up. She accidentally hit our little brother and we watched him die in front of us. He is gone and i haven't been right since. She would always include me in her business..at times i had to help take care of my mom and i don't mind us struggling every now and then. My while family has issues with my mom. I don't care about getting what i want, i do everything for everyone. She made us vut off our relationship with my grandma. We secretly have to talk to her if my mom doesn't know. I didn't explain the real issues. I appreciate the things she does but honestly she makes me feel bad about every thing, including nyself. I find my friends online? yes, but there's a reason and i know the difference between a kid and a man or woman seeking a little kid. Im just trying to get an honest opinion because me and my sister are having a hard time here. I know she isn't a bad mom but it doesn't matter you guys won't understand, and that's fine. Even the litte things make me wonder why. We have lied for her for God knows how long. She uses the money my dad sends to me and my sister, and she uses me and my sister to get things from family.. I don't even need to explain anymore than i have.

What do you expect her to do with the money your father gives her? Give it to you? That's her money, not yours. Just because it's called child support doesn't mean that it's the child's money. It's your mother's money.

 

[Silverplum]

Why are you posting during a school day? Why aren't you in the school counselor's office right now?

 

[stealth2]

At the end of the day, this is going to be a big fat no. So - what are your options?

You said you are starting counseling, but you don't think it will do anything for you. You're right - because you're already going in with the mindset/attitude that it won't. Time to change your thinking around. Having an uninvolved third party can be a big help, but you need to want to get something out of it. Consider the therapist as an ally, instead of an enemy. If s/he isn't a good fit? Ask for someone else.

Look at your other options in terms of trusted adults. Is there a teacher you can talk to? A local friend's parent(s)? A coach? A long distance online friend and his/her Mom are one thing, but in-person support is better.

At 15, you're finishing your sophomore year in HS, yes? What are your plans for after? Two years is not long, though it seems so right now. What do you want to do, and what are you doing to get there?

If you're looking at college, you need to buckle down with your academic classes and do the best you can do. Add in extracurriculars. Some added benefits? You can leverage all of those into time outside of the house/away from Mom. Practices, library, study groups, etc. Positive stuff that will beef up any application (actually, this is good even apart from college aspirations - being a well-rounded person makes you more attractive as a potential employee).

If you're looking at a trade, how are you going to get there? Are you looking for summer work in that area? Already have a job? Again, ways to get you out of the house and building your future. Are you doing anything else in your spare time?

I know that it's frustrating to be told you're immature, but..... you're 15. So.... it kind of goes without saying. So if you want adults to take you seriously, you need to take yourself and your future seriously. Present yourself as a young person going somewhere. Take advantage of what is offered to you and work it (i.e. the counselling).

 

[NellieBly]

Your father would also have to agree, unless his rights have been terminated.