Changing my daughter's last name

[MonicaY]

What is the name of your state? New York

I'm not sure if this is the right forum, but it seemed pretty close. I am looking to change my daughter's last name to my last name.I gave her her father's last name when she was born even though his name does not appear on the birth certificate. He has also never established paternity. When I went to court to try and get him to pay child support, they told me I would have to establish paternity first, but if I did that, he would have a right to see her and a right to have a say in her life. He has not seen her in 4 years and has not contacted her either. I decided to let it go and not pursue child support if that would keep him out of her life.
When I contacted Suffolk County Court about legally changing her last name to mine, they told me I would need the father's permission. I explained to them that I was told he does not have to pay child support if paternity was never established and I told them that he isn't on the birth certificate. They said he still has to give me permission. Why is that? Why would he have the right to have a say in her name if he doesn't have the obligation for anything else? What can I do to change her name to mine? Please help.

[stealth2]

Bacause rights and obligations are different animals. The state knows that this child didn't appear from a vaccuum, and therefore the other parent has a say.