What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Oregon
So my toddler is 2 and a half years old. Her biological father and I were never in a relationship (one night stand sort of situation). Her stepfather and I have been friends since my pregnancy with her, dating since she was 2 months old and married when she was just under 17 months. (So about a year and a month now)
Her bio-dad requested a paternity test so we have one of those from when she was 6 weeks old (he is not on the birth certificate..). I have never filed anything for visitations or CS and he has never paid CS. She spent the time I was at work (about 45 hours a week) at his house from the time she was 6 weeks old to about 9.5 months old.
We moved 2 hours away at that point and he's seen her once since then, only because her SF and I were heading back to Portland to visit and I called him and asked if he wanted to see her. So I drove her up there and dropped her off.
The last time she saw him was 14 months ago and her stepdad is her dad in her mind. I am not sure if she remembers her biodad at all.
He says he wants to be in contact with her, and he has sent one birthday card and one Christmas card this past year (with a 15 dollar gift card) and texted me to wish me a Happy Mothers Day last year. He will periodically text (about 4 times this past year) and wish me a Happy Holiday or just say he was thinking about us.
He is a good dad when she sees him but I just wish he would make her more of a priority in his life. I think part of the problem is the CS possibility hanging over our heads. I think he might think that if he asks to see her more, I will request CS. He is not financially solvent so there would really not be a point to getting CS from him.
The bottom line is that I am thinking about stepparent adoption with my husband. He really wants to adopt my toddler, he is her dad in every way except for biologically. However as someone who was adopted when I was a baby (not by a stepparent but through a private adoption) I want Biodad to be able to choose to have contact if he wants. The ability to go to school plays and dance programs and call her when he wants to.
That being said, I do live in constant fear of him trying to get scheduled visitation. I love the idea of him knowing her, and having a relationship with her, I just hate the idea of having forced visitation if things ever turn sour.
I think he would agree to termination of parental rights for a stepparent adoption because he really doesn't want to pay CS ever and I think being released from this obligation legally would be a huge relief to him.
The main question is: If he terminates his parental rights and her SD adopts her then can he still have contact in her life if we choose it? Or is it a severance of contact forever type of situation?
Mostly I want to be able to make decisions in her life without consulting him because he's mostly absent. I also want her SD to actually have the legal rights of a dad, and I want her to have the same last name as her little brother and sister (twins) she currently has my last name (not biodads) and I kept my last name specifically so she wasn't the only one with my maiden name...
It just seems like a unique situation because it seems as if most parents who want stepparent adoption don't want any future contact with Biodad. He says he wants contact with her - but has only texted three times to ask if he could come down and see her - all two days before he wanted to come and all during things we had planned already... I have always said that if he ever wants to see her he can come down anytime just give me enough notice to make sure I don't have plans. Even the times he texted I asked him if there was another time that would work for him but he said he'd just try later instead of giving me a later date. I told him that we schedule our time pretty tight so please give me a text to plan about a month in advance if possible.
Help!
Oregon
So my toddler is 2 and a half years old. Her biological father and I were never in a relationship (one night stand sort of situation). Her stepfather and I have been friends since my pregnancy with her, dating since she was 2 months old and married when she was just under 17 months. (So about a year and a month now)
Her bio-dad requested a paternity test so we have one of those from when she was 6 weeks old (he is not on the birth certificate..). I have never filed anything for visitations or CS and he has never paid CS. She spent the time I was at work (about 45 hours a week) at his house from the time she was 6 weeks old to about 9.5 months old.
We moved 2 hours away at that point and he's seen her once since then, only because her SF and I were heading back to Portland to visit and I called him and asked if he wanted to see her. So I drove her up there and dropped her off.
The last time she saw him was 14 months ago and her stepdad is her dad in her mind. I am not sure if she remembers her biodad at all.
He says he wants to be in contact with her, and he has sent one birthday card and one Christmas card this past year (with a 15 dollar gift card) and texted me to wish me a Happy Mothers Day last year. He will periodically text (about 4 times this past year) and wish me a Happy Holiday or just say he was thinking about us.
He is a good dad when she sees him but I just wish he would make her more of a priority in his life. I think part of the problem is the CS possibility hanging over our heads. I think he might think that if he asks to see her more, I will request CS. He is not financially solvent so there would really not be a point to getting CS from him.
The bottom line is that I am thinking about stepparent adoption with my husband. He really wants to adopt my toddler, he is her dad in every way except for biologically. However as someone who was adopted when I was a baby (not by a stepparent but through a private adoption) I want Biodad to be able to choose to have contact if he wants. The ability to go to school plays and dance programs and call her when he wants to.
That being said, I do live in constant fear of him trying to get scheduled visitation. I love the idea of him knowing her, and having a relationship with her, I just hate the idea of having forced visitation if things ever turn sour.
I think he would agree to termination of parental rights for a stepparent adoption because he really doesn't want to pay CS ever and I think being released from this obligation legally would be a huge relief to him.
The main question is: If he terminates his parental rights and her SD adopts her then can he still have contact in her life if we choose it? Or is it a severance of contact forever type of situation?
Mostly I want to be able to make decisions in her life without consulting him because he's mostly absent. I also want her SD to actually have the legal rights of a dad, and I want her to have the same last name as her little brother and sister (twins) she currently has my last name (not biodads) and I kept my last name specifically so she wasn't the only one with my maiden name...
It just seems like a unique situation because it seems as if most parents who want stepparent adoption don't want any future contact with Biodad. He says he wants contact with her - but has only texted three times to ask if he could come down and see her - all two days before he wanted to come and all during things we had planned already... I have always said that if he ever wants to see her he can come down anytime just give me enough notice to make sure I don't have plans. Even the times he texted I asked him if there was another time that would work for him but he said he'd just try later instead of giving me a later date. I told him that we schedule our time pretty tight so please give me a text to plan about a month in advance if possible.
Help!
