Contested Step parent adoption

[grumpymama]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My ex-husband is the biological father of my 14 year old daughter. He has not seen her since she was 2 years old. I attempted to have her maintain a relationship with his family and he has cut everyone off from her. Tells his family that she's not his, contested paternity when child support was requested, etc.

My husband has been in her life since she was 5 years old. He is Daddy to her. SHE wants to be adopted and we would like that too, but she is pressing the matter. I have attempted before but he refuses to sign the paperwork to release his rights to him. In fact, it was his idea originally. Now he doesn't want anything to do with her but doesn't want my husband to have her.

What can I do? My daughter at the very least has been pushing for a name change (change it to my husband name). What can I do? Can she petition the court herself? She is chronically ill and I'm worried that the stress of court might not be in her best interest but the stress over not getting something she so wants and feels that she needs could also be just as bad for her.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My ex-husband is the biological father of my 14 year old daughter. He has not seen her since she was 2 years old. I attempted to have her maintain a relationship with his family and he has cut everyone off from her. Tells his family that she's not his, contested paternity when child support was requested, etc.

My husband has been in her life since she was 5 years old. He is Daddy to her. SHE wants to be adopted and we would like that too, but she is pressing the matter. I have attempted before but he refuses to sign the paperwork to release his rights to him. In fact, it was his idea originally. Now he doesn't want anything to do with her but doesn't want my husband to have her.

What can I do? My daughter at the very least has been pushing for a name change (change it to my husband name). What can I do? Can she petition the court herself? She is chronically ill and I'm worried that the stress of court might not be in her best interest but the stress over not getting something she so wants and feels that she needs could also be just as bad for her.

He hasn't seen her in 12 years?! Get yourselves to a local adoption attorney first thing Tuesday morning. Deal with the name change letter - the attorney can guide you as to your options regarding a stepparent adoption.

 

[grumpymama]

He hasn't seen her in 12 years?! Get yourselves to a local adoption attorney first thing Tuesday morning. Deal with the name change letter - the attorney can guide you as to your options regarding a stepparent adoption.

He does pay child support though. I think in Virginia that constitutes as "contact." I will contact a lawyer, the last one (she was 12) told me that it would be VERY expensive if he contested it and likely wouldn't do any good because Virginia doesn't like to remove parental rights without "just cause". He also lives in Florida now.

 

[stealth2]

He does pay child support though. I think in Virginia that constitutes as "contact." I will contact a lawyer, the last one (she was 12) told me that it would be VERY expensive if he contested it and likely wouldn't do any good because Virginia doesn't like to remove parental rights without "just cause". He also lives in Florida now.

Then consult another (three) attorney(s). Really. Adoption of any sort is not DIY.

 

[latigo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My ex-husband is the biological father of my 14 year old daughter. He has not seen her since she was 2 years old. I attempted to have her maintain a relationship with his family and he has cut everyone off from her. Tells his family that she's not his, contested paternity when child support was requested, etc.

My husband has been in her life since she was 5 years old. He is Daddy to her. SHE wants to be adopted and we would like that too, but she is pressing the matter. I have attempted before but he refuses to sign the paperwork to release his rights to him. In fact, it was his idea originally. Now he doesn't want anything to do with her but doesn't want my husband to have her.

What can I do? My daughter at the very least has been pushing for a name change (change it to my husband name). What can I do? Can she petition the court herself? She is chronically ill and I'm worried that the stress of court might not be in her best interest but the stress over not getting something she so wants and feels that she needs could also be just as bad for her.

You need to consult with a family law attorney that can explain the process of terminating the father's parental rights on grounds of abandonment as allowed by Virginia Code Section 16.1-283.

More than likely you can combine both the petition for adoption and one for termination of parental rights to be heard in one proceeding. If approved by the court, the child's name will be changed as requested in the course of the granting of an order of adoption.

 

[Just Blue]

He does pay child support though. I think in Virginia that constitutes as "contact." I will contact a lawyer, the last one (she was 12) told me that it would be VERY expensive if he contested it and likely wouldn't do any good because Virginia doesn't like to remove parental rights without "just cause". He also lives in Florida now.

Do you know why Father wants to retain status as father when he has no interest in seeing his child? Is there something you are not telling us?

 

[RRevak]

Do you know why Father wants to retain status as father when he has no interest in seeing his child? Is there something you are not telling us?

Because honestly Blue, some guys just like the idea of having a child without actually having the real child. I know, my ex was one of those. Didn't see my kiddo for years. Agreed to an adoption only to chance his mind...TWICE! Didn't want the responsibility himself but was more than willing to stomp his foot and not let anyone else step up either. It makes zero sense but then again, so does going 12 yrs without seeing ones child. Some people are just schmucks

 

[Just Blue]

Because honestly Blue, some guys just like the idea of having a child without actually having the real child. I know, my ex was one of those. Didn't see my kiddo for years. Agreed to an adoption only to chance his mind...TWICE! Didn't want the responsibility himself but was more than willing to stomp his foot and not let anyone else step up either. It makes zero sense but then again, so does going 12 yrs without seeing ones child. Some people are just schmucks

I guess so.

Personally I can't understand willing to support a child not willing to see. If you can't do one why would you do the other? But people befuddle me at time...

 

[LdiJ]

I guess so.

Personally I can't understand willing to support a child not willing to see. If you can't do one why would you do the other? But people befuddle me at time...

They befuddle me too...but there are honestly some people out there that believe that they are in the right to do that...

 

[Proserpina]

Because honestly Blue, some guys just like the idea of having a child without actually having the real child. I know, my ex was one of those. Didn't see my kiddo for years. Agreed to an adoption only to chance his mind...TWICE! Didn't want the responsibility himself but was more than willing to stomp his foot and not let anyone else step up either. It makes zero sense but then again, so does going 12 yrs without seeing ones child. Some people are just schmucks

It's control. It's all about control. They don't want the child, but they'll be damned if they'll actually think of the child who deserves better.

It's sickening.

I know this board tends to be somewhat anti stepparent-adoption and many of the posts are indeed not looking at best interests. The fact remains though, that sometimes the best thing for the child is to allow her the chance at two parents willing to love and provide for her.

Sometimes the word "parent" doesn't reflect anything other than biological donation.

 

[grumpymama]

Do you know why Father wants to retain status as father when he has no interest in seeing his child? Is there something you are not telling us?

I know this sounds stupid but the only thing I can think of is something he told me when I divorced him. He told me then that the only reason he married me was so no one else could have me. Sad thing is, I believe him about that. It was not a happy marriage and didn't last very long. I was young and stupid at the time. The only thing I can think of why he doesn't want to give up custody is because he doesn't want anyone else to be her dad.

He moved to Florida when he left me. I would bring my infant daughter down from Va 4 times a year. This lasted until she was 2 and he refused to see her anymore. I would let him know I was coming and he would say he had to work and couldn't see her, even though I would be spending several days there and gave him about a month's notice.

 

[grumpymama]

It's control. It's all about control. They don't want the child, but they'll be damned if they'll actually think of the child who deserves better.

It's sickening.

I know this board tends to be somewhat anti stepparent-adoption and many of the posts are indeed not looking at best interests. The fact remains though, that sometimes the best thing for the child is to allow her the chance at two parents willing to love and provide for her.

Sometimes the word "parent" doesn't reflect anything other than biological donation.

I am all for my husband adopting her. It's my daughter's biggest desire right now. Someone told me once before that when she turned 14 she could petition the court herself and things would be easier. I guess the law changed or they had given me misinformation because that's not the case. She distinguishes between Father and Dad. It seems to be fluid for her. My ex-husband is her "father" and my husband is her "dad". She loves him so much. I just wish I could do this easily.

 

[RRevak]

It's control. It's all about control. They don't want the child, but they'll be damned if they'll actually think of the child who deserves better.

It's sickening.

I know this board tends to be somewhat anti stepparent-adoption and many of the posts are indeed not looking at best interests. The fact remains though, that sometimes the best thing for the child is to allow her the chance at two parents willing to love and provide for her.

Sometimes the word "parent" doesn't reflect anything other than biological donation.

I want to "like" this way more than this board will allow.

 

[Just Blue]

It's control. It's all about control. They don't want the child, but they'll be damned if they'll actually think of the child who deserves better.

It's sickening.

I know this board tends to be somewhat anti stepparent-adoption and many of the posts are indeed not looking at best interests. The fact remains though, that sometimes the best thing for the child is to allow her the chance at two parents willing to love and provide for her.

Sometimes the word "parent" doesn't reflect anything other than biological donation.

I Thank the Lord I have never met such a low "person" such as the OP had the misfortune to father her child.

And yeah...OP should hire a VERY GOOD ADOPTION Attorney to assist her and DAD with the best interest of THEIR child in getting a donor off the BC.

 

[Just Blue]

I am all for my husband adopting her. It's my daughter's biggest desire right now. Someone told me once before that when she turned 14 she could petition the court herself and things would be easier. I guess the law changed or they had given me misinformation because that's not the case. She distinguishes between Father and Dad. It seems to be fluid for her. My ex-husband is her "father" and my husband is her "dad". She loves him so much. I just wish I could do this easily.

It may not be easy or inexpensive...But you really need to find a good attorney that can help you, your husband (AKA Dad), and child for this adoption. If, for some reason the POS who is on the BC is able to prevent this...Let your daughter know in a few years she will be of age and your husband and Dad of daughters heart can proceed withthe adoption without consulting SD.

Good luck to you all...

Blue