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Do I Have a case for child abandonment?

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momof4ia

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Iowa

My son was born in 2008, when I got pregnant my boyfriend broke up with me although we still lived together until my 4th month. While I was still pregnant he even started a relationship with another woman. after my son was born he was absent, unless I went over to his house to try and get him to see his son he made absolutely no effort to see him. When my son was 5 months old I met my now husband and he has been raising my son ever since treating him as his own. So just to make this easier to follow..in 2008 my childs father saw him only a handful of times and always at my request never on his own. in 2009 he saw him maybe once or twice. in 2010 he saw him once in August. in 2011 he saw him once in February. and Now in 2012 he has seen him 2 times in January (but only because his mother set it up and wanted to see the child) Also from birth (April 08) until September 09 he paid hardly anything for child support just a few bucks here and there. Then child support recovery got involved and child support was taken directly out of his paycheck. Even then I would not get regular support because he wouldn't go to work. then in July of 2011 he lost his job all together and I was receiving no child support at all. eventually he filed for disability and as of March 2012 I started to receive child support directly from the social security administration. mind you he is still behind 2,200 dollars. I just want to know if I have a case for abandonment. I really want to change my sons last name so he can have the same name as my husband, me and his siblings. I have tried asking the bio father if he would consent and he said he would NEVER agree to that. Thanks for reading
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Iowa

My son was born in 2008, when I got pregnant my boyfriend broke up with me although we still lived together until my 4th month. While I was still pregnant he even started a relationship with another woman. after my son was born he was absent, unless I went over to his house to try and get him to see his son he made absolutely no effort to see him. When my son was 5 months old I met my now husband and he has been raising my son ever since treating him as his own. So just to make this easier to follow..in 2008 my childs father saw him only a handful of times and always at my request never on his own. in 2009 he saw him maybe once or twice. in 2010 he saw him once in August. in 2011 he saw him once in February. and Now in 2012 he has seen him 2 times in January (but only because his mother set it up and wanted to see the child) Also from birth (April 08) until September 09 he paid hardly anything for child support just a few bucks here and there. Then child support recovery got involved and child support was taken directly out of his paycheck. Even then I would not get regular support because he wouldn't go to work. then in July of 2011 he lost his job all together and I was receiving no child support at all. eventually he filed for disability and as of March 2012 I started to receive child support directly from the social security administration. mind you he is still behind 2,200 dollars. I just want to know if I have a case for abandonment. I really want to change my sons last name so he can have the same name as my husband, me and his siblings. I have tried asking the bio father if he would consent and he said he would NEVER agree to that. Thanks for reading
Have you asked the father if he would consent to a step-parent adoption?
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Iowa

My son was born in 2008, when I got pregnant my boyfriend broke up with me although we still lived together until my 4th month. While I was still pregnant he even started a relationship with another woman. after my son was born he was absent, unless I went over to his house to try and get him to see his son he made absolutely no effort to see him. When my son was 5 months old I met my now husband and he has been raising my son ever since treating him as his own. So just to make this easier to follow..in 2008 my childs father saw him only a handful of times and always at my request never on his own. in 2009 he saw him maybe once or twice. in 2010 he saw him once in August. in 2011 he saw him once in February. and Now in 2012 he has seen him 2 times in January (but only because his mother set it up and wanted to see the child) Also from birth (April 08) until September 09 he paid hardly anything for child support just a few bucks here and there. Then child support recovery got involved and child support was taken directly out of his paycheck. Even then I would not get regular support because he wouldn't go to work. then in July of 2011 he lost his job all together and I was receiving no child support at all. eventually he filed for disability and as of March 2012 I started to receive child support directly from the social security administration. mind you he is still behind 2,200 dollars. I just want to know if I have a case for abandonment. I really want to change my sons last name so he can have the same name as my husband, me and his siblings. I have tried asking the bio father if he would consent and he said he would NEVER agree to that. Thanks for reading

You do not have a case for abandonment here. He HAS seen his child, and recently, and in your state child support is considered contact.

One other option - and it's not a popular one, admittedly - is that you and your husband and the kids change YOUR names to match that of your other son.

You'd need nobody else's permission for that.
 

momof4ia

Junior Member
Have you asked the father if he would consent to a step-parent adoption?
Yes we have tried that as well, and he was considering it until he realized the government would pay his child support for him ...the only reason he even considered it was because he didn't want to pay child support out of his own pocket. Now thats out the window.
 

momof4ia

Junior Member
You do not have a case for abandonment here. He HAS seen his child, and recently, and in your state child support is considered contact.

One other option - and it's not a popular one, admittedly - is that you and your husband and the kids change YOUR names to match that of your other son.

You'd need nobody else's permission for that.
So basically as long as a father decides to see his kid once a year that is not considered abandonment, not directing this at you in any way but I think that is so wrong, why should a father get to keep his rights if he only makes an effort to see his child once a year...My son has not gotten 1 birthday card or christmas present or even a phone call from him for that matter. and if it wasn't for the government paying his child support for him he wouldn't be paying support either..we went from july last year to march this year with not one dime from him...i guess i should have tried my case a little sooner. Thank you for your response i really appreciate it. my rant was not aimed at you just frustrated with the situation.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
So basically as long as a father decides to see his kid once a year that is not considered abandonment, not directing this at you in any way but I think that is so wrong, why should a father get to keep his rights if he only makes an effort to see his child once a year...My son has not gotten 1 birthday card or christmas present or even a phone call from him for that matter. and if it wasn't for the government paying his child support for him he wouldn't be paying support either..we went from july last year to march this year with not one dime from him...i guess i should have tried my case a little sooner. Thank you for your response i really appreciate it. my rant was not aimed at you just frustrated with the situation.


The government isn't paying his child support. Dad is disabled; the children are entitled to dependent benefits. I know it might sound like a semantic difference, but it is a difference.

I can understand your frustration. The best advice I can give you at this point is to speak with a local attorney. S/he will know how local judges will tend to rule in these cases. But I wouldn't raise my hopes if I were you.

Still, have at least an initial consultation.
 

momof4ia

Junior Member
The government isn't paying his child support. Dad is disabled; the children are entitled to dependent benefits. I know it might sound like a semantic difference, but it is a difference.

I can understand your frustration. The best advice I can give you at this point is to speak with a local attorney. S/he will know how local judges will tend to rule in these cases. But I wouldn't raise my hopes if I were you.

Still, have at least an initial consultation.
I do not believe he is truly disabled, I think he scammed the system to become approved, but that is neither here nor there. I agree that the child should be entitled to dependent benefits when a parent is disabled but I do not believe that he should be let off of the hook.

Thank you again for your advise it is greatly appreciated!
 
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Proserpina

Senior Member
technically he is not truly disabled, he pretty much scammed the system to become approved, but that is neither here nor there. I agree that the child should be entitled to dependent benefits when a parent is disabled but I do not believe that he should be let off of the hook.

Thank you again for your advise it is greatly appreciated!



Believe me, it is NOT easy to scam SSA for disability.

It's much easier to accuse someone of doing so.

I'm not saying it doesn't occasionally happen - but it's not common.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
technically he is not truly disabled, he pretty much scammed the system to become approved, but that is neither here nor there. I agree that the child should be entitled to dependent benefits when a parent is disabled but I do not believe that he should be let off of the hook.

Thank you again for your advise it is greatly appreciated!
And where did you get your M.D/PhD from?:confused:
 

momof4ia

Junior Member
And where did you get your M.D/PhD from?:confused:
Well that is just my opinion, he did not have a single health problem 5 years ago when I was with him and he is a master manipulator.

and really do you need to be rude about it? I came here looking for advise and to vent some of my frustration with dealing with a deadbeat dad who seems to have the law on his side even though he doesn't do anything to be there emotionally for his child.
 

momof4ia

Junior Member
Believe me, it is NOT easy to scam SSA for disability.

It's much easier to accuse someone of doing so.

I'm not saying it doesn't occasionally happen - but it's not common.
I did not word my last post very well, I guess what I am saying is I suspect he does not have any disabilities just because of what I know about him. this is only my opinion.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Well that is just my opinion, he did not have a single health problem 5 years ago when I was with him and he is a master manipulator.

and really do you need to be rude about it? I came here looking for advise and to vent some of my frustration with dealing with a deadbeat dad who seems to have the law on his side even though he doesn't do anything to be there emotionally for his child.
The word is "AdviCe'. And I was not "rude". You are the one tossing out medical Dx without a PhD or MD. Not I.
And as the child support is being paid, makes DAD not a "deadbeat".
To get SSDI is NOT EASY. You have to have Doctor reports/PhD reports plus go to SS doctors. It. Takes. YEARS. Most are denied.
 
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momof4ia

Junior Member
The word is "AdviCe'. And I was not "rude". You are the one tossing out medical Dx without a PhD or MD. Not I.
And as the child support is being paid, makes DAD not a "deadbeat".
To get SSDI is NOT EASY. You have to have Doctor reports/PhD reports plus go to SS doctors. It. Takes. YEARS. Most are denied.
oh i am sorry for the typo does it make you feel superior to point it out? And yes the way you worded it was rude. I have said before that is MY opinion. and I am sorry but in what planet is a Dad considered someone that sees his child once every year and goes for months at a time with out paying support? that my friend is a deadbeat. He may not be seen that way in the eyes of the law but he is.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
oh i am sorry for the typo does it make you feel superior to point it out? And yes the way you worded it was rude. I have said before that is MY opinion. and I am sorry but in what planet is a Dad considered someone that sees his child once every year and goes for months at a time with out paying support? that my friend is a deadbeat. He may not be seen that way in the eyes of the law but he is.
Well. This is a LEGAL FORUM.

Perhaps you should visit :
www.iwanttovent.com
Have a nice Good Friday.:)
 

TheGeekess

Keeper of the Kraken
oh i am sorry for the typo does it make you feel superior to point it out? And yes the way you worded it was rude. I have said before that is MY opinion. and I am sorry but in what planet is a Dad considered someone that sees his child once every year and goes for months at a time with out paying support? that my friend is a deadbeat. He may not be seen that way in the eyes of the law but he is.
Alrighty then. :cool:
 

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