Is this even legal?

[Chesnee]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

When I was 17 years old I was in a relationship with, what turned out to be, a real jerk. I got pregnant, he wanted me to have an abortion, I told him to go to hell. He did come to the hospital the day after the baby was born, and while he was there the nurse brought in the paperwork for me to fill out for the babys birth certificate. As I was writing, the jerk looked over my shoulder and said "Don't you dare give her my last name!" *I hadn't planned on it* And then he said "And don't you dare put my name on that paper as her father!" *Ok, whatever* (I was 18 when the baby was born)

He came around for the first couple of weeks of my daughters life, but never contributed anything to her care (he was always more concerned with where his next 12 pack of Bud was coming from). Yes, I know now that getting involved with him was a mistake, but at 18 years old we are all still wet behind the ears. I moved on, supported my daughter on my own, and he disappeared from my life as well as hers. (Let me just add that he was 25 years old at the time, and I found out after my daughter was born that he had 2 other children, from 2 other women, and he didn't see either of those children either.)

When my daughter was 5 months old, my high school sweetheart came back into my life. We ended up getting married when my daughter was 9 months old. Here's where things get sticky. My husband desperately wanted to adopt my daughter. He loved her and cared for her as if she was his own flesh and blood. We were both young, just starting our lives and careers and didn't have a lot of money. We contacted several lawyers to inquire about my husband adopting my daughter, and the cost was just out of this world (or so we thought at our young ages). Then someone told us that we didn't need to go through a lawyer, all we had to do was go to the courthouse and have my husband fill out a Declaration of Paternity, have it notarized, and swear in front of the judge that she is his child. Total cost - about $10 bucks. Total time in the courthouse - about an hour. My daughters original birth certificate was sealed, a new one was issued, we got her SS card changed to reflect her new last name, and that was the end of it.

My first question is ----- is this even legal?

My second question is rather lenghty, and may belong in the Child Support section of this forum, so I will reserve it until I get responses to this question.

Thank you.

*Edit - I wanted to add that I did run into the "sperm donor" 2 years after my husband and I got married. He flapped his gums about stupid crap for about 15 minutes, and never once asked about the child he had fathered. I finally said something to him about her, and he said (and I quote) "Oh yeah, how old is she now? I forget." Jerk. So I told him that my husband had adopted her - his response was (and again, I quote) "Oh good, I've been worried that you would want me to pay child support or some crazy **** like that. Now I don't have to worry about that. Cool." So I highly doubt he would ever contest anything. He didn't want her to begin with.

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by Chesnee

What is the name of your state? Ohio

When I was 17 years old I was in a relationship with, what turned out to be, a real jerk. I got pregnant, he wanted me to have an abortion, I told him to go to hell. He did come to the hospital the day after the baby was born, and while he was there the nurse brought in the paperwork for me to fill out for the babys birth certificate. As I was writing, the jerk looked over my shoulder and said "Don't you dare give her my last name!" *I hadn't planned on it* And then he said "And don't you dare put my name on that paper as her father!" *Ok, whatever* (I was 18 when the baby was born)

He came around for the first couple of weeks of my daughters life, but never contributed anything to her care (he was always more concerned with where his next 12 pack of Bud was coming from). Yes, I know now that getting involved with him was a mistake, but at 18 years old we are all still wet behind the ears. I moved on, supported my daughter on my own, and he disappeared from my life as well as hers. (Let me just add that he was 25 years old at the time, and I found out after my daughter was born that he had 2 other children, from 2 other women, and he didn't see either of those children either.)

When my daughter was 5 months old, my high school sweetheart came back into my life. We ended up getting married when my daughter was 9 months old. Here's where things get sticky. My husband desperately wanted to adopt my daughter. He loved her and cared for her as if she was his own flesh and blood. We were both young, just starting our lives and careers and didn't have a lot of money. We contacted several lawyers to inquire about my husband adopting my daughter, and the cost was just out of this world (or so we thought at our young ages). Then someone told us that we didn't need to go through a lawyer, all we had to do was go to the courthouse and have my husband fill out a Declaration of Paternity, have it notarized, and swear in front of the judge that she is his child. Total cost - about $10 bucks. Total time in the courthouse - about an hour. My daughters original birth certificate was sealed, a new one was issued, we got her SS card changed to reflect her new last name, and that was the end of it.

My first question is ----- is this even legal?

My second question is rather lenghty, and may belong in the Child Support section of this forum, so I will reserve it until I get responses to this question.

Thank you.

*Edit - I wanted to add that I did run into the "sperm donor" 2 years after my husband and I got married. He flapped his gums about stupid crap for about 15 minutes, and never once asked about the child he had fathered. I finally said something to him about her, and he said (and I quote) "Oh yeah, how old is she now? I forget." Jerk. So I told him that my husband had adopted her - his response was (and again, I quote) "Oh good, I've been worried that you would want me to pay child support or some crazy **** like that. Now I don't have to worry about that. Cool." So I highly doubt he would ever contest anything. He didn't want her to begin with.

Edit your post to delete the irrelevant rantings (and you know what I'm talking about) and then tell us what year this occurred, and then I'll give you an answer.

you and your husband have commited paternity fraud-you both know he is NOT the child's father, and if you are found out, you two could be in very serious trouble. this child has a father, and its NOT your husband. shame on you both!

[Chesnee]

Originally Posted by Chesnee

What is the name of your state? Ohio

When I was 17 years old I was in a relationship with, what turned out to be, a real jerk. I got pregnant. (I was 18 when the baby was born)


When my daughter was 5 months old, my high school sweetheart came back into my life. We ended up getting married when my daughter was 9 months old. Then someone told us that we didn't need to go through a lawyer, all we had to do was go to the courthouse and have my husband fill out a Declaration of Paternity, have it notarized, and swear in front of the judge that she is his child. Total cost - about $10 bucks. Total time in the courthouse - about an hour. My daughters original birth certificate was sealed, a new one was issued, we got her SS card changed to reflect her new last name, and that was the end of it.

My first question is ----- is this even legal?

Better? The year was 1989

[Chesnee]

Shame on me? Shame on me for what? For wanting my daughter to have a name? For wanting my daughter to have a father? She had a sperm donor, and that was it. That man was 25 years old, and I was young and stupid. He never wanted her. He just wanted sex with a young, good looking blonde. And yeah, it was my mistake for ever thinking that he cared. But I was 17 years old when we started going out, and I thought I knew it all.

You know what? I'm not even going to argue this with you. If this was something that we did illegally in 1989, then we are the ones who will have to deal with the consequences if we are ever "found out" by the authorities.

I just came here for some legal advice. Who the hell are you to judge me for wanting what I thought was best for my daughter at the time, or to judge my (now ex) husband for wanting the little girl he loves to be his.

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by Chesnee

Better? The year was 1989

Perfectly legal in the State of Ohio.

It's called a administrative determination of paternity.

As a result of legislation enacted effective July 15, 1992, Ohio has statutory authority governing the administrative determination of paternity.

Administrative measures for accomplishing many functions were incorporated in Ohio's laws through passage of Senate Bill 10 in 1992.

If both the mother and the alleged father sign an Acknowledgment of Paternity, the administrative officer issues an administrative paternity order stating that the alleged father is the father of the child and that the father assumes the parental duty of support. The order includes a statement that the mother and father may object to the determination by bringing an action in court within 30 days of the date the administrative officer issued the determination and if neither brings an action within the 30 day period, the administrative order is final.

[Chesnee]

Originally Posted by BelizeBreeze

Perfectly legal in the State of Ohio.

It's called a administrative determination of paternity.

As a result of legislation enacted effective July 15, 1992, Ohio has statutory authority governing the administrative determination of paternity.

Administrative measures for accomplishing many functions were incorporated in Ohio's laws through passage of Senate Bill 10 in 1992.

If both the mother and the alleged father sign an Acknowledgment of Paternity, the administrative officer issues an administrative paternity order stating that the alleged father is the father of the child and that the father assumes the parental duty of support. The order includes a statement that the mother and father may object to the determination by bringing an action in court within 30 days of the date the administrative officer issued the determination and if neither brings an action within the 30 day period, the administrative order is final.

I've read and reread this at least 10 times. The only part I understand 100% is "Perfectly legal in the State of Ohio." If the Senate Bill 10 was passed in 1992, what was the law in 1989?

Thank you for your non-judgemental reply. I appreciate it.

[BelizeBreeze]

Uniform Act on Paternity 1980 controlled however, case law is allowing retroactivity and that includes all paternity actions under the old law.

Besides, the doctrine of laches precludes the bio-father from asserting his rights at this time.

If you have any questions, take your documents to the courthouse and ask. Or, better still, contact an attorney for a brief consultation.

[Chesnee]

the doctrine of laches

Looked that up:

The Doctrine of Laches consists of the following elements:
1. Unreasonable lapse of time.
2. Neglect to assert a right or claim.
3. To the detriment of another.
If these three elements are met, then the Doctrine of Laches will act as a bar in court.

The first two are definitey met, but what about the third one? "To the detriment of another"? In MY opinion, it would be detrimental for my daughters sperm donor to enter her life at this point, but that is not for ME to decide. A judge would have to decide that at a hearing IF her sperm donor were to ever fight to see her and be involved in her life. I don't know if this would be relevent to a case or not, but the sperm donor doesn't live far from me, and I have read in the newspaper several times where he has been in trouble with the law due to drugs (and in fact did spend some time in prison), and I also heard through the grapevine that his visitation rights to the one child of his that he did have contact with (years after she was born) were terminated because on several occasions he supplied her with drugs and alcohol, among other things that the court (supposedly) ruled were putting the child in danger. If what I heard is true, then getting the proof would not be difficult. But that's neither here nor there, because for the past 16 years he has made no attempt at contact. Maybe I should stop wondering about the "what if's", huh? I just wanted to make sure I understand the doctrine of laches.

Thanks again for your replies.

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by Chesnee

Looked that up:



The first two are definitey met, but what about the third one? "To the detriment of another"? In MY opinion, it would be detrimental for my daughters sperm donor to enter her life at this point, but that is not for ME to decide. A judge would have to decide that at a hearing IF her sperm donor were to ever fight to see her and be involved in her life. I don't know if this would be relevent to a case or not, but the sperm donor doesn't live far from me, and I have read in the newspaper several times where he has been in trouble with the law due to drugs (and in fact did spend some time in prison), and I also heard through the grapevine that his visitation rights to the one child of his that he did have contact with (years after she was born) were terminated because on several occasions he supplied her with drugs and alcohol, among other things that the court (supposedly) ruled were putting the child in danger. If what I heard is true, then getting the proof would not be difficult. But that's neither here nor there, because for the past 16 years he has made no attempt at contact. Maybe I should stop wondering about the "what if's", huh? I just wanted to make sure I understand the doctrine of laches.

Thanks again for your replies.

Listen and listen VERY carefully.

If you EVER want another reply from me then you will lose the 'sperm donor' attitude. PERIOD.

[Chesnee]

BelizeBreeze

I am sorry, that is just what I have always referred to him as. I do not mean to offend by using that term. So let's try this again, because I really do value your input.

The first two are definitey met, but what about the third one? "To the detriment of another"? In MY opinion, it would be detrimental for my daughters biological father to enter her life at this point, but that is not for ME to decide. A judge would have to decide that at a hearing IF her biological father were to ever fight to see her and be involved in her life. I don't know if this would be relevent to a case or not, but the biological fatherdoesn't live far from me, and I have read in the newspaper several times where he has been in trouble with the law due to drugs (and in fact did spend some time in prison), and I also heard through the grapevine that his visitation rights to the one child of his that he did have contact with (years after she was born) were terminated because on several occasions he supplied her with drugs and alcohol, among other things that the court (supposedly) ruled were putting the child in danger. If what I heard is true, then getting the proof would not be difficult. But that's neither here nor there, because for the past 16 years he has made no attempt at contact. Maybe I should stop wondering about the "what if's", huh? I just wanted to make sure I understand the doctrine of laches.

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by Chesnee

BelizeBreeze

I am sorry, that is just what I have always referred to him as. I do not mean to offend by using that term. So let's try this again, because I really do value your input.

The first two are definitey met, but what about the third one? "To the detriment of another"? In MY opinion, it would be detrimental for my daughters biological father to enter her life at this point, but that is not for ME to decide. A judge would have to decide that at a hearing IF her biological father were to ever fight to see her and be involved in her life. I don't know if this would be relevent to a case or not, but the biological fatherdoesn't live far from me, and I have read in the newspaper several times where he has been in trouble with the law due to drugs (and in fact did spend some time in prison), and I also heard through the grapevine that his visitation rights to the one child of his that he did have contact with (years after she was born) were terminated because on several occasions he supplied her with drugs and alcohol, among other things that the court (supposedly) ruled were putting the child in danger. If what I heard is true, then getting the proof would not be difficult. But that's neither here nor there, because for the past 16 years he has made no attempt at contact. Maybe I should stop wondering about the "what if's", huh? I just wanted to make sure I understand the doctrine of laches.

The detriment of another usually means the child and/or the parent themselves. For example, an extreme case would be where the biological father was in a coma and could NOT exercise his rights. In such a situation, the doctrine of laches would not apply.

In your case, and because the child is only two years away from majority, I would not worry but I would do as suggested and verify that you meet the legal requirements under the revised law.

[Chesnee]

Also, just to make sure I am clear on this. If my ex-husband does decide to continue to fight the child support issue at hand, paternity is not an issue to be considered at this point, as the doctrine of laches would apply here as well?

1. Unreasonable lapse of time. (He filed the declaration of paternity over 15 years ago)
2. Neglect to assert a right or claim. (We divorced 5 years ago and he never contested paying support or her paternity until he realized his new job/increase in income would raise his support)
3. To the detriment of another. (Obviously if he were to stop paying support it would have a negative effect on our daughter.)

Again, I do not want to sound like I am only fighting this for the money. I would rather end this thing and agree to take less in support for her, or even no support for her at all if there were even the slightest chance that she would ever find out he is saying these things. I know that at this point he is angry about having to pay more money out ever month, but I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves this child and would do anything for her. My belief is that he is fighting against the increase in child support because his new love interest is pushing him to do so, but that is just my opinion. He has had no problems contributing to our childrens support until this new woman came along, but again, just my irrelevant opinion.

[msiron]

Hello... I am curious, does your daughter (16 now right?) does she know about the sperm donor?

It sounds like you have a wonderful husband who really wanted her.

im not going to argue with you either. you know what you did was wrong. im not the one who commited a crime, lady, YOU and your husband did. good luck trying to stay out of jail.