Fiancé planning on adopting daughter

[Kallismommy2011]

Tn
I am a single mom. My 4 year old daughters father has not been around since she was roughly 3 months old and in that time he has relapsed on heroin and also gotten multiple child abuse cases with his new girlfriend children. I have been with my fiancé for 4 years and he is planning on adopting when we get married next month. We have talked about the consequences if for some reason we don't make it and we both are very clear he would still be a part of her life and I would be part of his daughters(although we've been through so much and completed pre marriage counseling and I don't see how we wouldn't last) my question is mostly after we get married how long is required to wait before he can legally adopt her and what is the process like. Although her father is not in her life I could see him fighting me on this because I've given him the option multiple times so we could drop child support since he has been arrested for it in the past. He doesn't see her but doesn't want to give up rights. What do I do and if anyone has been through this is it hard on a child( I'm hoping she would have nothing to do with court) because the only dad she knows is my fiancé because she is too little to understand about her biological father

 

[Kallismommy2011]

Sorry we've been together 3 years not 4

Typo :/ I was typing quickly

 

[Proserpina]

Tn
I am a single mom. My 4 year old daughters father has not been around since she was roughly 3 months old and in that time he has relapsed on heroin and also gotten multiple child abuse cases with his new girlfriend children. I have been with my fiancé for 4 years and he is planning on adopting when we get married next month. We have talked about the consequences if for some reason we don't make it and we both are very clear he would still be a part of her life and I would be part of his daughters(although we've been through so much and completed pre marriage counseling and I don't see how we wouldn't last) my question is mostly after we get married how long is required to wait before he can legally adopt her and what is the process like. Although her father is not in her life I could see him fighting me on this because I've given him the option multiple times so we could drop child support since he has been arrested for it in the past. He doesn't see her but doesn't want to give up rights. What do I do and if anyone has been through this is it hard on a child( I'm hoping she would have nothing to do with court) because the only dad she knows is my fiancé because she is too little to understand about her biological father

You need to do a couple of things. To me, the most important is that you raise your child knowing who is her father and who isn't - and I mean biologically. Even if your husband adopts her, she still deserves to know who her biological father is.

So, get married and stay married - try a year or so - and then go to an attorney. You have to understand that if her father objects, it's going to be significantly more difficult to accomplish a stepparent adoption. Whether it's abandonment or not, nobody can say for sure. So that's what you do.

 

[adjusterjack]

Tn

What do I do and if anyone has been through this is it hard on a child( I'm hoping she would have nothing to do with court) because the only dad she knows is my fiancé because she is too little to understand about her biological father

I agree that you should give your new marriage some time, I'd even go with more than a year, maybe two or three and then seek step parent adoption.

Understand, though, that if you don't get consent from your ex, it isn't likely to happen.

However, that doesn't mean your husband can't be a Dad to your daughter. He doesn't need a piece of paper.

I was never able to adopt my ex-wife's kids because her ex wouldn't consent. Yet they are still my kids and I am still their Dad and they are both in their 40s.