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  1. #1
    pesterfield3 is offline Member
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    Filing Abandonment-Texas

    I have posted my story before and really don't have alot of time to elaborate. To sum it up - I have a 19 month old daughter that is not my husband's biologically. She calls him daddy. Her bio father has came in and out of her life ALOT.He has courtordered visitation and CS (which he pays). He'll go 3 months without seeing her, see her for a visitaiton and then not show up for another 3 months. My husband is getting out of the military this summer and we are moving to Florida. At first the bio father said that he was going to make it where we could not move to Florida but then made an agreement to where if I cancelled his child support he would never see her again and would not try to stop us. I asked him to sign over his rights because if this was the agreement, it was like he has signed over his rights.Hhe has agreed 2 times before but then backed out of it. He said he would do it but his mom won't let him and if I die, he wants her (an entirely another story there). The past year I have given him a HUGE chancer to be a father and he hasn't... he has just shown inconsistency. What are the laws for abandonment in Texas? Like how long before not seeing her could I file it on him.
  2. #2
    ceara19 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by pesterfield3
    I have posted my story before and really don't have alot of time to elaborate. To sum it up - I have a 19 month old daughter that is not my husband's biologically. She calls him daddy. Her bio father has came in and out of her life ALOT.He has courtordered visitation and CS (which he pays). He'll go 3 months without seeing her, see her for a visitaiton and then not show up for another 3 months. My husband is getting out of the military this summer and we are moving to Florida. At first the bio father said that he was going to make it where we could not move to Florida but then made an agreement to where if I cancelled his child support he would never see her again and would not try to stop us. I asked him to sign over his rights because if this was the agreement, it was like he has signed over his rights.Hhe has agreed 2 times before but then backed out of it. He said he would do it but his mom won't let him and if I die, he wants her (an entirely another story there). The past year I have given him a HUGE chancer to be a father and he hasn't... he has just shown inconsistency. What are the laws for abandonment in Texas? Like how long before not seeing her could I file it on him.
    Like you've been told BEFORE, if the NCP is paying child support, it is considered contact and you cannot claim abandonment. Now if he has had NO contact at all for at least a year AND you have used all means to attempt to collect any court ordered support, THEN you can ask that his rights be terminated because he abandoned the child. Just because he is not using his visitation, he is not procluded from asking the court for a residential restriction. As to whether or not he will GET it, is at the discression of the judge.
  3. #3
    pesterfield3 is offline Member
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    He is no longer paying child support, it has been cancelled as I said. And I wasn't asking about the situation on putting a residential restriction because that has already been taken care of. My question is is the fact that I cancelled child support, I probably can't file abandonment, huh?

    I know the fact that he doesn't exercise his visitation cannot be used as a means to have his rights signed over or really used against him - its something that the courts *might* look at but nothing for sure.

    I just wanted to know what is considered abandonment in Texas because I know some states are 1 year, others are 2, just matters - thank you for answering my question.
  4. #4
    pesterfield3 is offline Member
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    I just realized how you got that he paid child support - I just cancelled it last week. Would the fact that he was never behind in child support work for him if he was to contest to the TPR?
  5. #5
    pesterfield3 is offline Member
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    New Decision

    After reading all of these posts here about reversing an adoption, it made me think - I don't ever want to put my daughter through that. I do not think that mothers should be able to chose who their daddy is, I agree with whoever said "pick one and stick with it." I love my husband, I really do but we are still very newly married and also very young. We have only been married for 2 years - to me, that just isn't a very long time. I don't want to be the mother who divorces her husband and then decided to switch daddies or the crazy whack's husband who just adopted the daughter because she wanted him to. That is completely traumatical to the children and not to mention messed up. I know my daughter will always look at my husband as her daddy - a piece of legal paper is not going to change that. I also agree that before adopting ANYONE (stepparent, regular) that the couple should have at least 6 months ofmarital counseling, I think it should be mandatory. Children is definetely a big thing in a marriage, adds alot more stress, and should not be taken so lightly. I am going to wait until we have been married at least 5 years then I will talk to her biological father about it because I also do not feel its right to FORCE a man to sign over his rights to his child unless, of course, the child is in harm because of it. However, my daughter's father is not abusive, he does not have a criminal record AND when we made our agreement, we both agree not to screw each other over and it just doesn't feel right, filing abandonment on him when he really didn't abandon her - we made an agreement. He might feel differently about signing over his rights in a few years, right now he's so young that he's still in that "mommy's boy" zone where he listens to everyhting she says. Not to mention, in 3 years - we'll have the money for an attorney instead of trying to just get the cheapest and easiest way out.

    Thank you ALL for the advice - you have all been incredible. I am glad I read a few of these stepparent adoption posts because it just broke my heart to think that I would ever put my daughter through something like that.

    Stephanie
  6. #6
    ceara19 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by pesterfield3
    After reading all of these posts here about reversing an adoption, it made me think - I don't ever want to put my daughter through that. I do not think that mothers should be able to chose who their daddy is, I agree with whoever said "pick one and stick with it." I love my husband, I really do but we are still very newly married and also very young. We have only been married for 2 years - to me, that just isn't a very long time. I don't want to be the mother who divorces her husband and then decided to switch daddies or the crazy whack's husband who just adopted the daughter because she wanted him to. That is completely traumatical to the children and not to mention messed up. I know my daughter will always look at my husband as her daddy - a piece of legal paper is not going to change that. I also agree that before adopting ANYONE (stepparent, regular) that the couple should have at least 6 months ofmarital counseling, I think it should be mandatory. Children is definetely a big thing in a marriage, adds alot more stress, and should not be taken so lightly. I am going to wait until we have been married at least 5 years then I will talk to her biological father about it because I also do not feel its right to FORCE a man to sign over his rights to his child unless, of course, the child is in harm because of it. However, my daughter's father is not abusive, he does not have a criminal record AND when we made our agreement, we both agree not to screw each other over and it just doesn't feel right, filing abandonment on him when he really didn't abandon her - we made an agreement. He might feel differently about signing over his rights in a few years, right now he's so young that he's still in that "mommy's boy" zone where he listens to everyhting she says. Not to mention, in 3 years - we'll have the money for an attorney instead of trying to just get the cheapest and easiest way out.

    Thank you ALL for the advice - you have all been incredible. I am glad I read a few of these stepparent adoption posts because it just broke my heart to think that I would ever put my daughter through something like that.

    Stephanie
    I think that's a very good decision. It's not so much of an issue as to whether you feel that the MARRIAGE is strong enough, but does your husband really want to be the child's father NO MATTER WHAT happens with the 2 of you. The ideal situation would be the 2 parent household where everybody lives happily ever after, but that is not always possible. You need to make sure, for your child's sake that he will be daddy forever because he WANTS to. If something were to happen to you, would he want to raise the child by himself? Which is another factor to consider as a single parent.
  7. #7
    pesterfield3 is offline Member
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    Thats another factor that has played into all of this. The reason we haven't really went ahead with it when the father agreed was because of my husband - he was unsure of it. I mean, he loves my daughter more than anything... he calls her his daughter, calls himself daddy, supports her but adoption is a big step and not one he can just back out of. I do not look down on him for not wanting to jump into an adoption because he really is looking at it at a logical view. Now he says he wants to... before he said he wanted the father to be there if he wanted to, he didn't want to be in the way of our daughter and her father. But I don't want him to be a legal father to her because he HAS to, I want it to be something because he loves her more than anything and he WANTS to... regardless if I die, we divorce, I run to Timbuktu (lmao). Its a hard thing to admit and do because I would love for him to just adopt her and us be one happy little family but the truth is that that is not the fair thing to do to him or my daughter. They both deserve more. And maybe he won't ever adopt her - to us, it is just a paper. Because her father is really flexible, he doesn't get in the way of anything - he lets us decide, discipline, he knows that our daughter calls my husband daddy... the only time he really tried standing in our way was with us moving and that was because of his mom. And also I feel an adoption cuts her off from her father's side and I don't want that. I want her to know her grandparents and I want her to know her culture from a more relative view. It is very important to the both of us.

    Do you think it would be wise legally to write up our agreement that we had, have it notarized and present it before the judge? Our agreement was that child support is cancelled, he will have no further contact with her but I will send him pictures at least once a year, his mom is allowed to see her and will also receive picturees, when she is of age she will be told about her father (which was a given anyway) and will be given the option to meet him if she so desires. I know me and him both would like to make our agreement legal because we are both worried about each other screwing each other over on this. I mean, who wouldn't be - we're taking ALOT out on faith here.
  8. #8
    ceara19 is offline Senior Member
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    If all parties are in agreement and the child's needs are being met, there's no reason a judge wouldn't approve the agreement. Since it goes against the state guidelines it wouldn't be enforceable if either party decided they no longer want to abide by it though. That only means that you have the RIGHT to go back to court and ask that he start paying support again and he can go back to court and ask for visitation in the future.

    I know it's a tough decision. I loved my SD as much as my own kids and still do. But there was a time that it was best for MY children that contact with her stopped for a while. I had the responsibility of protecting the children I brought into the world even if it hurt my SD. It wasn't easy, but I did keep in touch with her mother the entire time and now all of the kids have a great relationship. If anything ever happened to her mother, she would come live with ME, not her dad, because that is the way everyone involved WANTS it to be. I don't feel OBLIGATED to have a relationship with her just because i was married to her father and raised her when her mother COULDN'T be there.

    You should go ahead and make a plan as far as what happens to the child in the event you are no longer around. If you can all come up with a plan together, it would make things very easy. Even if you can't ALL agree, that doesn't mean you can't have things lined up the way you want them to be, it's just harder to do. If I die while the children are minors, my parents get custody instead of them automatically going to their father. He still has the right to take them to court and sue for custody, but because of our situation, it will be almost as hard for him to get custody or even visitation from my parents as it would be for him if he took ME to court. You just have to make sure everything is worded EXACTLY the right way and that there are no loopholes in the order.
  9. #9
    pesterfield3 is offline Member
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    It is hard, its really hard for all of us mostly because he's been there from Day 1 and if it wasn't for the difference in skin color, we could easily forget that he is not her bio father.

    I want to make plans for when I die but I have no idea how to word it. Her bio father said the he wants her if I die which I find REALLY odd because he said even if he's not in her life... so I'm like - Okay you're going to not be in her life for 10 years but then show up because I died. I don't know if this is possible but I'd like for my daughter to go to my husband. I would really like for it to be my husband so she could be in the same household as her brother and any other siblings we may have by then. Not to mention, my husband is who she is going to recognize as her daddy unless her father makes some big turn around! I just don't want to rip her out of that environment and I also don't want to rip my daughter from my husband. But I think him saying that he wanted her when I died was him just blowing off steam because whne we made the big agreement, he said that he would not try getting her, that he would let her chose. But I feel that is a big choice for a girl to make if she's under the age of 12. I was 15 when my parents divorced and I felt so awkard trying to be forced to chose between parents, I couldn't imagine having to chose between my biological father and the dad who practically raised me. I just wish her bio father would make up a plan in his mind and stick to it because the wheels in my head have been turning so much, I think they're about to fall off - lol

    When we do move to Florida, we are both (my husband and I) making wills - his mother's request. Do I just include it in my will?

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