Final order of Adoption always final?

What is the name of your state? What is the name of your state? Virginia

My spouse and I are adoptive parents of a toddler that we've had since birth. Birthmother presented a BFather who signed consent and waived a paternity test. The final order of adoption was given over six months ago and now BFather has called and said BMom is telling him he is not the baby's biological father and that she is getting back together with the man she thinks is and they are going to try and take us to court to get our baby back on the grounds that he was never notified. There was some question as to paternity while BMom was still pregnant. This other alleged birthfather had called BMom and threatened that if the baby was his he would not let it be adopted. We requested a paternity test and BMom agreed, but then her OBGYN talked her out of it. She then informed us that this other alleged birthfather was out of the country when she got pregnant. After verifying that he was indeed suppose to be out of town during conception, we were satisfied that the BFather being presented was true BFather. Now BMom claims he came back earlier than first reported. I've found a VA code that says an adoption may not be attacked six months after the final decree for any reason. I'm wondering if our child is proven to be this other man's child if he would have any chance of having the baby taken from us. Especially since he was aware there might be a possibility that he was the BFather and never stepped up to do anything until almost a year and a half later?

[Seanscott]

There have been a couple of famous cases dealing with this exact issue. If you can prove he knew there was a possibility of paternity and he failed to act, the court will possibly tell him to "get lost".

I don't think there is a simple answer to your question, but you have a lot of points in your favor. The mother has signed away her parental rights. She has absolutely no right to contact you, or "demand" anything. I have as much right as she does. The court considers her a stranger to the child and her opinions or desires mean absolutely nothing anymore.

If this man really wants to do something, he will have to put forth a huge amount of effort and expense. He sure doesn't seem like the kind of person to do that. Any decision in court will probably take at least 6 months. By that time, I can't imagine a judge would break up this child's happy home.

The key question is "where's he been all this time?".

I'm not a lawyer, but have had to do a lot of research on adoptions for my own case. I don't think you have a lot to worry about, but you have to be prepared.

First of all, I would quit communicating with these people. You owe them absolutely nothing. Tell them you'll communicate through your lawyers. This should show you how serious they are.

My sister & brother-in-law went through this same thing and it actually made it to court. The biodad wanted them to "buy" his consent to adoption. They paid him off and have never heard from him again (over 20 years ago). This is actually child-selling and is illegal, but it was done.

I know I haven't helped much, sincerely wishing you all the best.

[CMSC]

Originally posted by Seanscott
There have been a couple of famous cases dealing with this exact issue. If you can prove he knew there was a possibility of paternity and he failed to act, the court will possibly tell him to "get lost".

I don't think there is a simple answer to your question, but you have a lot of points in your favor. The mother has signed away her parental rights. She has absolutely no right to contact you, or "demand" anything. I have as much right as she does. The court considers her a stranger to the child and her opinions or desires mean absolutely nothing anymore.

If this man really wants to do something, he will have to put forth a huge amount of effort and expense. He sure doesn't seem like the kind of person to do that. Any decision in court will probably take at least 6 months. By that time, I can't imagine a judge would break up this child's happy home.

The key question is "where's he been all this time?".

I'm not a lawyer, but have had to do a lot of research on adoptions for my own case. I don't think you have a lot to worry about, but you have to be prepared.

First of all, I would quit communicating with these people. You owe them absolutely nothing. Tell them you'll communicate through your lawyers. This should show you how serious they are.

I agreed with sean up until he said, "you owe them absolutely nothing", you do owe them, they gave you a beautiful child to raise and love. Yes I understand someone is trying to disturb that and I have some personal experience in this that may help you see the other side if you want to email me. YOu need to understand mom's position, maybe she is regretting the whole thing and hoping that the real dad can do something about it all, who knows. But if the other guy is proven to be bio dad then he may very likely be allowed to excercise rights, there are case after case law of this.

[Seanscott]

Hello Ryry's Mom - I have enjoyed reading your posts on this board. It's apparent that you've gone through this system too.

Can we agree to disagree?

I am on the other side of the fence here, going through a stepparent adoption where the biodad (after 5+ years) is "demanding" his rights. Obviously I wish he'd just drop off the face of the earth and let us alone.

We both know that the courts do not always seem to follow common sense, but the fact is - the mom terminated her rights. "Permanently and irrevocably". And that is court approved and final.

For the new parents, I hope they get everything they want - 100%.

One man's trash is another man's treasure. As far as the biodad goes, he KNEW he might have fathered a child and has done nothing about it.

I still believe they should not communicate with either of these people except through the lawyers. I do not agree that they owe them the time of day.

It's great to hear both sides. Good luck to you Ryry's mom.

hello,

I have to agree with seanscott, I believe you should only have contact with them through your attorney. Saying you owe them nothing sounds harsh and it is true they did give you one of the most precious gifts one could ever give, but how dare they come in and disrupt your childs life by deciding a year and a half later that maybe they have changed their minds and now want to rip the child away from the only mommy and daddy that baby has ever known. I too have first hand experience with adoption, and as much as i cried and longed to hold that baby again, I knew that I had made the right decision and That there was no way I could have given that baby the kind of life he deserved, the kind of life that he now has with those wonderful people. I think about him every day, and i am touched with sadness every year on his birthday, but even though I am not anywhere near the situation i was in when i gave him up almost five years ago, I would never do anything to disrupt that baby's home. These people you are dealing with are selfish and are not thinking of anyone but themselves. I am so sorry that this is happening to you, I pray that the guy she is now claiming as the true bio dad really is not because cases like this in the past havent gone well for the adopting parents. best of luck to you...shanna

[CMSC]

sean I am on both sides of the fence. I am an adoptee who has no clue who my parents are, my husband is going to possibly start a step parent adoption proceeding with my children and I made a really big mistake and placed my son up for adoption but ended up getting him back two months later. How did I accomplish that you ask? Well the adoptive parents lied and had adoptive dad sign paternity papers against my knowing it at the time, bio dad was not consulted about it (that was bad on my part, but I was young and ignorant) and when I hired a lawyer all she said to the adoptive parents was that bio dad may want to contest the adoption and I ended up getting my son back. Of course there is a little more to it but I don't feel like reliving it all!

I want to say that if a parent has not seen their child in x amount of years that they should not be allowed to see them but bio mom should not be cut off from the picture and these people owe it to her to show that she made a great decision.

ryry's mom,

If you would like to you mail email me at [email]moonchild_mom@yahoo.com[/email] and I will happily share all I've done to try and salvage this relationship with the BMom and all the bending over backward we've done to make sure she realizes how much our child means to us and how grateful we are for God's most precious gift.

That is one thing that makes me very sad over the entire situation. I am a very sensitve person and my heart has broken over and over for her and her pain and selflessness. But the fact remains that she has had so many opportunities to take our child back. Almost a year's time to do it in. I have wanted nothing more than to keep our relationship good and strong for our child's sake. I've stuck to every promise I ever made and then relented when BMom even stepped over her boundaries.

Attoneys have told me that I need not keep contact with the BParents and indeed should not if I am being called and threatened. I still want to believe that she is not going to put us all through this. And if she doesn't, I will still make every effort to keep her in our child's life in some form even if just pictures and letters. But I can't honestly say that even I can bend myself enough to keep up contact if they challenge us and lose. There is more to this than I've written about and I've consulted three attorneys who all tell me it is so unlikely that they can do anything. But still I worry...still I wonder. And now I wonder will it ever end. Every time we've passed a milestone and think that we never have to worry again, something else comes up. It is not fair to ask us to live our lives in fear of losing the most important things in our lives.

Just remember that if she does not challenge this than she still has a part of this child's life. If she does and we lose, then a child will grow up never knowing who we are or how much we loved her. You can't play with people's lives like that. And it would have been hard, but so much more accepting if they had done this while we were still in the process of adoption. Not waited until it was all done.

[Seanscott]

Moonchildmom - You are a sweetheart. Certainly a much nicer person than I. My first instinct would be to come out fighting, but you are sensitive to the feelings of others.

I hesitate to say this - but I don't think you will ever have peace as long as the biomom & you are communicating. She wants to be a mom, yet have none of the responsibilities. I don't know the whole situation, but you might have to cut her out of the picture 100% through the legal system before you have peace of mind and a whole family. Again - she has absolutely no legal right to contact you. She is the problem and is taking advantage of your compassionate nature.

Ryry's mom - you have posted some interesting info from the other viewpoint & I appreciate it. Wishing all of you the best.

Seanscott