Financial abandonment question

[torimac]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I am divorced. I have full custody, legal and physical. There is a restraining order against my ex, which prevents him from seeing his child until certain actions are completed as ordered by the court. These tasks ordered have not been completed or scheduled.
He was ordered to pay child support, which was originally garnished from his paycheck. He then lost his job. That was over three years ago. I have not received any child support since then.
Recently, his tax return was taken and applied to child support. I received notice yesterday that I will be getting a payment from the tax return.
I am in a relationship and we are planning on getting married. We (myself, the child and my fiance) have discussed my fiance adopting the child. We are currently shopping for a lawyer, but we are also waiting until after we are married.
I know that California has financial abandonment laws. If the payment was involuntary, as in the tax return was redirected, does that negate the year of non-payment required to declare the child abandoned?

Thanks.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by torimac

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I am divorced. I have full custody, legal and physical. There is a restraining order against my ex, which prevents him from seeing his child until certain actions are completed as ordered by the court. These tasks ordered have not been completed or scheduled.
He was ordered to pay child support, which was originally garnished from his paycheck. He then lost his job. That was over three years ago. I have not received any child support since then.
Recently, his tax return was taken and applied to child support. I received notice yesterday that I will be getting a payment from the tax return.
I am in a relationship and we are planning on getting married. We (myself, the child and my fiance) have discussed my fiance adopting the child. We are currently shopping for a lawyer, but we are also waiting until after we are married.
I know that California has financial abandonment laws. If the payment was involuntary, as in the tax return was redirected, does that negate the year of non-payment required to declare the child abandoned?

Thanks.

I know the answer to this question.

[nextwife]

Why is it that new brides, or not-even-yet brides rush their future spouses into adopting their children? Why don't they let their spouse get to have a few years of MARRIAGE behind them before pushing their partner into accepting forever legal and financial responsibility for a child they had with someone else?

Hon, do future hubby a favor and DON'T ask him to adopt until you have a few solid years of marriage together. It's not fair to HIM. Regardless of what an ex of yours does or doesn't do.

Spouse isn't stopped from helping you support the child just because he hasn't yet adopted him. And if you have a good marriage that holds up, THEN you can eventually pursue adoption.

[torimac]

We have discussed the option between the adults and with the child in question. No one is being forced into anything. We are taking this one step at a time. It may be that filing the paperwork will 'wake up' the father and he will realize that he wants to complete to court orders and be active in his child's life. It may be that he will continue down his current path.
If he does continue down his current path, does the involuntary payment negate the financial abandonment claim?

[bononos again]

Originally Posted by nextwife

Why is it that new brides, or not-even-yet brides rush their future spouses into adopting their children? Why don't they let their spouse get to have a few years of MARRIAGE behind them before pushing their partner into accepting forever legal and financial responsibility for a child they had with someone else?

Hon, do future hubby a favor and DON'T ask him to adopt until you have a few solid years of marriage together. It's not fair to HIM. Regardless of what an ex of yours does or doesn't do.

Spouse isn't stopped from helping you support the child just because he hasn't yet adopted him. And if you have a good marriage that holds up, THEN you can eventually pursue adoption.

WONDERFUL ADVICE!!!
Then there will be less games of musical Daddies!

[bononos again]

Originally Posted by torimac

We have discussed the option between the adults and with the child in question. No one is being forced into anything. We are taking this one step at a time. It may be that filing the paperwork will 'wake up' the father and he will realize that he wants to complete to court orders and be active in his child's life. It may be that he will continue down his current path.
If he does continue down his current path, does the involuntary payment negate the financial abandonment claim?

Well, that was a dumb idea.
Why on Earth would you discuss this with the child?

Coining the Soup **** a bit... NO HELP FOR YOU!

[torimac]

I do not believe it to be a dumb idea. The child in question is currently 10. While she does not legally have a say yet, her opinion may matter to the judge who handles the case. I am not sure of California law as I have not lived here for long, but in other states, the opinion of the child can be considered as young as ten and a legal consideration at age 12.
Being adopted at age ten, when you used to have an active father for a few years of your life, has many issues to consider. As adults, most of this is our consideration. As a ten year old child, some of it would matter to her. This is not a baby being adopted or even a very young child.
"Musical daddies" is not really an issue. Her father has chosen not to be involved in her life. If that status changes, and he complies with court orders, he can be involved.
This is not an overnight event. Regardless of personal opinions on this, the legal questions still remain. Obviously, not all the facts are here. I did not feel it necessary to post extensively for the one question.

[bononos again]

Originally Posted by torimac

I do not believe it to be a dumb idea. The child in question is currently 10. While she does not legally have a say yet, her opinion may matter to the judge who handles the case. I am not sure of California law as I have not lived here for long, but in other states, the opinion of the child can be considered as young as ten and a legal consideration at age 12.
Being adopted at age ten, when you used to have an active father for a few years of your life, has many issues to consider. As adults, most of this is our consideration. As a ten year old child, some of it would matter to her. This is not a baby being adopted or even a very young child.

You have no idea what your options are or what outcomes might take place. Why would you talk to a child about something that will cause them possible hurt. Either by the loss of their Father or the loss of the Step becoming the Father.
As stated, wait a few years.

[torimac]

I guess there is a fine line between too much info and not enough on this board.
We have been waiting to get married as we hope that her father becomes involved. My daughter has been without a father for years. I found a great guy who I want to marry and he wants to be her legal father. I have given her father opportunities to correct the issue, but he has chosen not to be involved in her life. I have not kept her from him, not pursued legal issues which would have made his life more difficult (such as filing contempt of court for lack of child support).
You seem to be assuming that this will all change overnight or that I became involved in this relationship recently. For more than half of the child's life, she has not had an active father. My daughter has known my fiance for years and sees him on a daily basis now.
I will wait until I find a lawyer to get the answer.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by torimac

I guess there is a fine line between too much info and not enough on this board.
We have been waiting to get married as we hope that her father becomes involved. My daughter has been without a father for years. I found a great guy who I want to marry and he wants to be her legal father. I have given her father opportunities to correct the issue, but he has chosen not to be involved in her life. I have not kept her from him, not pursued legal issues which would have made his life more difficult (such as filing contempt of court for lack of child support).
You seem to be assuming that this will all change overnight or that I became involved in this relationship recently. For more than half of the child's life, she has not had an active father. My daughter has known my fiance for years and sees him on a daily basis now.
I will wait until I find a lawyer to get the answer.

Yes.

**************.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by torimac

I do not believe it to be a dumb idea. The child in question is currently 10. While she does not legally have a say yet, her opinion may matter to the judge who handles the case. I am not sure of California law as I have not lived here for long, but in other states, the opinion of the child can be considered as young as ten and a legal consideration at age 12.
Being adopted at age ten, when you used to have an active father for a few years of your life, has many issues to consider. As adults, most of this is our consideration. As a ten year old child, some of it would matter to her. This is not a baby being adopted or even a very young child.
"Musical daddies" is not really an issue. Her father has chosen not to be involved in her life. If that status changes, and he complies with court orders, he can be involved.
This is not an overnight event. Regardless of personal opinions on this, the legal questions still remain. Obviously, not all the facts are here. I did not feel it necessary to post extensively for the one question.

The reality of things is that an adoption is a serious thing, and should not be considered unless its certain that the child won't have to experience another major unheaval after a few years.

If your propective husand is willing to be dad for life, no matter what might happen between the two of you that is one thing.

However we have seen many, many adoptive parents come to these forums wondering how to undo the adoptions because they are now divorcing from the biological parent of the children, and also biological parents who are asking how to remove the adoptive parent.

Adoption is a permanent, life long committment. It should not be entered into unless both parents are ready for a life long committment.

[torimac]

Yes, it is a serious issue to be considered carefully. We have been discussing it for almost two years, while waiting to get married. I was married for over a decade before and did not want to rush into anything, especially where my daughter is concerned. A marraige will affect her also. And I wanted to give her father plenty of time to figure out what to do with his life, including acting like a father. There are too many factors to be considered not to move carefully.
I was able to locate the lawyer who handled my divorce. He moved, but is still in my state. So we will be talking to him about the legal issues.