Foster Care

[lbryant0815]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia
My husband and I have been involved with a baby that has been in foster care since she was 2 days old. Her mothers right were voluntarily surrendered over a year ago and there is no known father. The child was place with a biological relative over a year ago with the understanding that she would adopt her which has not happened. The relative now says that she doesn't want to adopt her and the baby is actually living with this relatives mother. My husband and I have gone through the chain of command with DFCS all the way to the Senators office and no one seems to care. And on top of reports of the child not living where she was placed, this relatives fiance' has been arrested and is being held for the US Marshalls to pick up because he is a well known and dangerous drug dealer. DFCS was contacted by the arresting agency and nothing has again been done. What is it going to take for DFCS to admit they screwed up? And what should be done in this case?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by lbryant0815

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia
My husband and I have been involved with a baby that has been in foster care since she was 2 days old. Her mothers right were voluntarily surrendered over a year ago and there is no known father. The child was place with a biological relative over a year ago with the understanding that she would adopt her which has not happened. The relative now says that she doesn't want to adopt her and the baby is actually living with this relatives mother. My husband and I have gone through the chain of command with DFCS all the way to the Senators office and no one seems to care. And on top of reports of the child not living where she was placed, this relatives fiance' has been arrested and is being held for the US Marshalls to pick up because he is a well known and dangerous drug dealer. DFCS was contacted by the arresting agency and nothing has again been done. What is it going to take for DFCS to admit they screwed up? And what should be done in this case?

Who are you and your husband in this situation? How old is the child? Why do you have a problem with the child living with a family member?

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

Who are you and your husband in this situation? How old is the child? Why do you have a problem with the child living with a family member?

The relative family is unwilling to adopt. The taxpayers are paying for the party to have the child. The placement relative has been involved with dangerous criminal elements, unless I'm reading this wrong.

The child's bioparent's rights have been terminated. The child deserves to have PARENTS. Why should this child exist in limbo, with "family members' who don't want the legal responsibility for the child, when the child has an opportunity to have their own forever family who ARE willing to be parents to this child? Willing to assume the financial responsibilty and commit themselves to being permanently responsible for the child? Why should this child be forced to live in limbo forever, without parents? Bio isn't automatically better.

[lbryant0815]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

Who are you and your husband in this situation? How old is the child? Why do you have a problem with the child living with a family member?

My husband and I were approved to adopt this child and after 9months of bonding with her this family member suddenly has a change of heart and decided that she would take her out of family obligation. The baby will be 2 in August and I have a problem with her living with a single mother of three of her own children that she would expose to a well known and dangerous DRUG DEALER. And this baby cries and clings to me and has to be physically removed from me when I visit.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by lbryant0815

My husband and I were approved to adopt this child and after 9months of bonding with her this family member suddenly has a change of heart and decided that she would take her out of family obligation. The baby will be 2 in August and I have a problem with her living with a single mother of three of her own children that she would expose to a well known and dangerous DRUG DEALER. And this baby cries and clings to me and has to be physically removed from me when I visit.

Then YOU should not be visiting the child. YOU have no standing for custody nor any right to visitation.

[lbryant0815]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

Then YOU should not be visiting the child. YOU have no standing for custody nor any right to visitation.

Would you give up on your child? When a bond is formed from birth with a child it doesn't just go away. I may not have a legal right to this child but this baby thinks that I am her mother and she is as much my child as my biological children are. So I don't appreciate your response, and unless you have had to give up a child then you have no right to give advice on visitation. We bonded with this baby before the biological family ever knew her.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by lbryant0815

My husband and I were approved to adopt this child and after 9months of bonding with her this family member suddenly has a change of heart and decided that she would take her out of family obligation. The baby will be 2 in August and I have a problem with her living with a single mother of three of her own children that she would expose to a well known and dangerous DRUG DEALER. And this baby cries and clings to me and has to be physically removed from me when I visit.

You stated that the child was living with the relative's mother...not the relative.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by lbryant0815

Would you give up on your child? When a bond is formed from birth with a child it doesn't just go away. I may not have a legal right to this child but this baby thinks that I am her mother and she is as much my child as my biological children are. So I don't appreciate your response, and unless you have had to give up a child then you have no right to give advice on visitation. We bonded with this baby before the biological family ever knew her.

Nevertheless, you are only confusing this child by continuing to be part of her life when its no longer possible for you to adopt her. Its been a year since she has lived with you, and she should have forgotten about you by now...that would have been healthier for HER.

[lbryant0815]

What is confusing to this child is the fact that she probably does not understand why she comes to our house and receives the attention any child would normally get in a home where they are valued and wanted, but when she goes "home" she is pretty well only paid attention to when it is required. I have seen this with my own eyes.
Apparently there are some things being skipped over in the reading of these posts. Let me re-state them:

1) We were bonding with this child for months BEFORE the "bio's" came in to the picture, and only then by a sense of OBLIGATION, not LOVE. This is by their own admission.

2) She is actually living with the realtive's mother, who, as a side note, could not get approved by DFCS to get the child in the first placed...that's when she coerced her daughter into getting the child for her.

3) We have been allowed and encouraged to continue a relationship with this child, not only with the blessing of the relative but at her suggestion...she called us!!

4) The relative is a SINGLE mom with THREE children of her own plus this baby with no FATHER figure in the picture. Refer to AFAJournal.org, etal

5) She has no desire to adopt the child and "take away from my own kids"...her words not mine.

6)Oh....and the minor detail that she associates with convicted (3 times) drug dealers with intentions to marry.

Hmmmmm.....you what LdiJ? After re-reading these few points, you may be right. Maybe this placement IS healthier for her than a stable 2parent/ 2 income family who actually wants a baby daughter to raise as their own.

And how long have you been working for DFCS? This is purely an assumption on my part because you sound just like them.

[fairisfair]

Originally Posted by lbryant0815

What is confusing to this child is the fact that she probably does not understand why she comes to our house and receives the attention any child would normally get in a home where they are valued and wanted, but when she goes "home" she is pretty well only paid attention to when it is required. I have seen this with my own eyes.
Apparently there are some things being skipped over in the reading of these posts. Let me re-state them:

1) We were bonding with this child for months BEFORE the "bio's" came in to the picture, and only then by a sense of OBLIGATION, not LOVE. This is by their own admission.

2) She is actually living with the realtive's mother, who, as a side note, could not get approved by DFCS to get the child in the first placed...that's when she coerced her daughter into getting the child for her.

3) We have been allowed and encouraged to continue a relationship with this child, not only with the blessing of the relative but at her suggestion...she called us!!

4) The relative is a SINGLE mom with THREE children of her own plus this baby with no FATHER figure in the picture. Refer to AFAJournal.org, etal

5) She has no desire to adopt the child and "take away from my own kids"...her words not mine.

6)Oh....and the minor detail that she associates with convicted (3 times) drug dealers with intentions to marry.

Hmmmmm.....you what LdiJ? After re-reading these few points, you may be right. Maybe this placement IS healthier for her than a stable 2parent/ 2 income family who actually wants a baby daughter to raise as their own.

And how long have you been working for DFCS? This is purely an assumption on my part because you sound just like them.

The foster care and state adoption programs are far from perfect. No one here would argue that fact with you. However, no one here can even begin to attempt to assist you in overturning the bureaucracy of DFCS. So if you are looking for sympathy, you have it. If you are looking for strangers to vent on and at because of a situation that is out of their hands as well as your own... then be gone.

You could certainly retain an attorney and attempt to fight the state and the bio relatives for this child. Good luck with that.

Or, here's a thought.... how about you take that anger and do something constructive with it... become a child advocate, apply for the CASA program in your area. Ask DCFS what YOU can do as a volunteer. Become politically active to cause changes in the system to happen....

[lbryant0815]

[quote=fairisfair;2268892]The foster care and state adoption programs are far from perfect. No one here would argue that fact with you. However, no one here can even begin to attempt to assist you in overturning the bureaucracy of DFCS. So if you are looking for sympathy, you have it. If you are looking for strangers to vent on and at because of a situation that is out of their hands as well as your own... then be gone.

You could certainly retain an attorney and attempt to fight the state and the bio relatives for this child. Good luck with that.

Or, here's a thought.... how about you take that anger and do something constructive with it... become a child advocate, apply for the CASA program in your area. Ask DCFS what YOU can do as a volunteer. Become politically active to cause changes in the system to happen....
[quote]

Dear fairisfair,
I am not looking for strangers to vent at or on, I know where there are real people who are deserving of that.....I did, however, come here hoping to find some real legal advice or advice from someone who may have had a real experience similar to ours. I am not looking for sympathy either. I am looking for legitimate, usable information. The "anger" I evidently expressed here is directed at those who, instead of offering help, want to point fingers and assume they know the entire situation when they know only what I have shared. And that is not even the tip of the iceberg. And just so you know I have talked with CASA. Just out of curiosity, do you agree with my concerns for this child?
Thank you for your suggestion to join CASA.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by lbryant0815

Dear fairisfair,
I am not looking for strangers to vent at or on, I know where there are real people who are deserving of that.....I did, however, come here hoping to find some real legal advice or advice from someone who may have had a real experience similar to ours. I am not looking for sympathy either. I am looking for legitimate, usable information. The "anger" I evidently expressed here is directed at those who, instead of offering help, want to point fingers and assume they know the entire situation when they know only what I have shared. And that is not even the tip of the iceberg. And just so you know I have talked with CASA. Just out of curiosity, do you agree with my concerns for this child?
Thank you for your suggestion to join CASA.

Please get a consult with a local attorney who is both experienced with DFCS cases and adoption.

Honestly, I do not believe that you would have any standing where this child is concerned anyore. That is why I stated that it would have been healthier for the child if you had stepped completely out of the picture. The child is attached to someone who has no standing.

If the child were yanked by DFCS now, its unlikely that the child would go back to you. However do get a consult with a local attorney.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by lbryant0815

Would you give up on your child? When a bond is formed from birth with a child it doesn't just go away. I may not have a legal right to this child but this baby thinks that I am her mother and she is as much my child as my biological children are. So I don't appreciate your response, and unless you have had to give up a child then you have no right to give advice on visitation. We bonded with this baby before the biological family ever knew her.

So? YOU HAVE NO LEGAL RIGHT TO THIS CHILD. Get that through your head. If your participation is causing this child harm you should NOT be visiting. You have stated it upsets the child to see you. You also should NOT have been presenting yourself as this child's mother. YOU ARE NOT. YOU WERE NOT. You can get your foster certification pulled for that crap. THAT IS NOT how foster parents are supposed to behave. I don't appreciate your illegal interference with this child and causing this child distress due to YOUR issues.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by lbryant0815

Dear fairisfair,
I am not looking for strangers to vent at or on, I know where there are real people who are deserving of that.....I did, however, come here hoping to find some real legal advice or advice from someone who may have had a real experience similar to ours. I am not looking for sympathy either. I am looking for legitimate, usable information. The "anger" I evidently expressed here is directed at those who, instead of offering help, want to point fingers and assume they know the entire situation when they know only what I have shared. And that is not even the tip of the iceberg. And just so you know I have talked with CASA. Just out of curiosity, do you agree with my concerns for this child?
Thank you for your suggestion to join CASA.

Do not join CASA. Your behavior as a foster parent is NOT something that a CASA needs -- you would be an incredible LIABILITY. YOU overstepped immensely by allowing this child to believe you were her mother when you were not. YOU need to be educated about proper behavior for foster parents and how to properly foster a child. YOU did not foster properly.