Foster Care / Adoption

[smcleod]

We live in Tennessee, and below is the situation and question...

Yesterday, my wife met with our TN DCS case worker, and she’s giving us trouble with adopting our baby boy that's been with us for close to 6 weeks now (got him when he was 2 days old). When my wife told her that the mother had given up her parental rights, the case worker then said that she'd have to start looking for an adoptive placement since she didn't think we were a good fit... see explanation below of why she thinks this...

When we first were filling out our paperwork, and getting our home study done, on some of the paperwork, it asked what race of children would we be willing to accept/adopt. We marked bi-racial, mixed race, Hispanic, and Caucasian. The case worker is making a BIG deal out of the fact that we did not want to accept/adopt a black child, and considering that… she doesn’t think my wife and I would be a good adoptive family.

Needless to say, my wife and I find this news VERY upsetting and HIGHLY OFFENSIVE. Should we be worried about this event, or what should we do or how should we approach this new issue???

By the way, the baby boy is bi-racial.... biological mother was white, biological dad is black.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

[Ohiogal]

Where is the child's father?

[smcleod]

We think the father is in jail in Arkansas.... it's been more than 30 days and he has not come forward or sent word that he wants to be the child's father. He is not listed on the birth certificate.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by smcleod

We think the father is in jail in Arkansas.... it's been more than 30 days and he has not come forward or sent word that he wants to be the child's father. He is not listed on the birth certificate.

You think? This baby cannot be adopted unless the father is notified and his rights are terminated. Dad has superior rights to you.

[Ohiogal]

36-1-117. Parties to proceedings - Termination of rights of putative father - Consent of parent or guardian - Service of process.
(a)(1) Unless the parent, the legal parent, or the guardian, or, as provided in subsections (b) and (c), the putative biological father of the child has surrendered parental or guardianship rights to the child, has executed a parental consent that has been confirmed by the court, has waived such person's rights pursuant to § 36-1-111(w), or unless such person's rights have been terminated by the order of a court of competent jurisdiction, the legal parent(s), guardian of the person of the child or of an adult, and the biological parents of the child must be made parties to the adoption proceeding or to a separate proceeding seeking the termination of those rights, and their rights to the child must be terminated by a court to authorize the court to order the adoption of the child or adult by other persons.
(2) The parental rights of a putative biological father who has filed a petition to establish paternity of the child shall be determined by the procedures in subsection (b).

and 36-1-111(w) states:

(w) (1) Notwithstanding any other provision of law to the contrary, a waiver of interest and notice, when signed under oath by the alleged biological father, shall serve to waive the alleged biological father's interest in the child and the alleged biological father's rights to notice of any proceedings with respect to the child's adoption, custody or guardianship. The alleged biological father who executes the waiver shall not be required to be made a party to any adoption proceedings, custody or guardianship proceedings with respect to the child and shall not be entitled to receive notice thereof, and the court in any adoption proceeding, notwithstanding any law to the contrary, shall have jurisdiction to enter a final order of adoption of the child based upon the waiver, and in other proceedings to determine the child's legal custody or guardianship shall have jurisdiction to enter an order for those purposes. The waiver may not be revoked.

(2) (A) The execution of the waiver, in conjunction with a final order of adoption of the child, shall irrevocably terminate all rights the alleged biological father has or may have to the child and any rights the child has or may have relative to the alleged biological father. Upon entry of a final order of adoption of the child, the waiver, except as provided in subdivision (2)(B), shall also terminate the responsibility of the alleged biological father for any future child support or other financial obligations to the child, or to the child's mother that are related to the child's support, arising after the date of the execution of the waiver.

(B) If, after execution of the waiver, a final order of adoption is not entered, and a parentage action is initiated against the alleged biological father or the alleged biological father executes a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity, the alleged biological father shall become liable for child support or other financial obligations to the child, or to the child's mother that are related to the child's support, arising after the execution of the waiver and beginning with the date of the entry of an order establishing the biological father's parentage to the child or upon the date of the biological father's execution of a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity; provided, if paternity is later established, the alleged biological father who executed the waiver shall be liable for all or a portion of the actual medical and hospital expenses of the child's birth and all or a portion of the mother's pre-natal and post-natal care up to thirty (30) days following the child's birth if the parentage action is initiated or the voluntary acknowledgment of paternity is executed within two (2) years of the date of the execution of the waiver.

You still have to contend with dad.

[smcleod]

father is being taken care of... that's not my question... i know we have to go through the termination process for him.

I'm wondering if the case worker will have any say about if we can adopt him or not???

By the way, the father has another child that this ones brother. He doesn't have custody of him either.

[IsabellaSoriano]

Originally Posted by smcleod

father is being taken care of... that's not my question... i know we have to go through the termination process for him.

I'm wondering if the case worker will have any say about if we can adopt him or not???

By the way, the father has another child that this ones brother. He doesn't have custody of him either.

this is the only thing that crossed my mind from the social worker's perspective...(not my personal opinion) if you didn't check the box for a black child, and the child is half black would that child lose his black heritage mentally? would that cause an issue for the child later in life?

officially, i do feel the social worker has a LOT of say whether she finds you as suitable parents.

[Ohiogal]

The state is who gets custody when the parents' rights are terminated. You are foster parents and only have placement which is also determined by the state. YOu can file a petition to adopt but if the state doesn't back your adoption it is going to make it extremely difficult. And if dad's rights are not terminated HE also has a say so and the child could be placed with HIS family if they are suitable.

[smcleod]

ok... by the way... this is OUR case worker that is giving us the problem.... the child's social worker is on our side (at least they've made no indication to the contrary)... the child's attorney is also on our side and wants to see him adopted by us.

As for the black heritage topic, just because i don't check the Black child box doesn't mean I'm going to shelter him from his black cultural history. But he's also half white.... keep that in mind as well.

If this is such an issue.. then i feel they shouldn't have ever had the check boxes in the first place, or basically that mixed-race and bi-racial shouldn't be options. He is bi-racial... we were fine with that at the beginning... we are fine with that now. We have grown very attached to this child and love him dearly. I think that's all that should matter.

Our social worker is making a BIG deal out of the simple fact that we didn't check the Black child box.....

Thank your past and future comments... I'm just trying to find out legally if our case worker can trump the adoption process even if everyone else is for it... i wish she didn't feel this way but she's going to think how she thinks....

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by IsabellaSoriano

this is the only thing that crossed my mind from the social worker's perspective...(not my personal opinion) if you didn't check the box for a black child, and the child is half black would that child lose his black heritage mentally? would that cause an issue for the child later in life?

officially, i do feel the social worker has a LOT of say whether she finds you as suitable parents.

Which heritage? Just as caucasians do not represent a single heritage or background, "people of color" also represent a variety of national origins and religious heritages. There are Israeli's of Ethiopian African background.

My daughter is a brown skinned child who MAY have been born to one or both Roma parents. Her nation, like the US, is multi cultural. She MAY be Roma, she MAY be of Turkish descent., or Greek, or Indian. What "heritage" do we tell her is hers because of her skin color? Other than teaching her about the nation of her birth, and, now, her adopted nation? Skin color alone does NOT tell us what the actual hertage and history of that child's family may be.

I do know that IF the sibling was adopted by anyone through the foster system, the DFCS may first want to try to place this child with their sibling.

[IsabellaSoriano]

Originally Posted by smcleod

ok... by the way... this is OUR case worker that is giving us the problem.... the child's social worker is on our side (at least they've made no indication to the contrary)... the child's attorney is also on our side and wants to see him adopted by us.

As for the black heritage topic, just because i don't check the Black child box doesn't mean I'm going to shelter him from his black cultural history. But he's also half white.... keep that in mind as well.

If this is such an issue.. then i feel they shouldn't have ever had the check boxes in the first place, or basically that mixed-race and bi-racial shouldn't be options. He is bi-racial... we were fine with that at the beginning... we are fine with that now. We have grown very attached to this child and love him dearly. I think that's all that should matter.

Our social worker is making a BIG deal out of the simple fact that we didn't check the Black child box.....

Thank your past and future comments... I'm just trying to find out legally if our case worker can trump the adoption process even if everyone else is for it... i wish she didn't feel this way but she's going to think how she thinks....

keep in mind I agree with you. but the social worker, might feel differently.

but yes, as a state worker who is working for the best interest of the child, she can trump it. best thing, steer her clear of that issue. assure her otherwise. look for support groups for parents for bi-racial children.

and the reason i say this, is i am the type of person who will do what it takes for my children. even if it means standing in the middle of a congested freeway with a large pot on my head banging it with a wooden spoon. but i'm weird that way.

[smcleod]

i was told by the child's attorney that as soon as the mother surrendered her parental rights... all relatives on her side of the family lost theirs as well.... so that is a non-issue. The child actually has 5 siblings total... they all live with different relatives.... he only has one full-blooded brother that lives with his aunt.... whom early in the process did not want another sibling.

On a side note.... my wife and i have been trying to have children for the past 5 years..... we've been through fertility treatments twice... first time got pregnant with triplets... lost them one at a time at 13, 15 and 20 weeks into the pregnancy.... the second fertility round... we didn't conceive at all.

We've always wanted to have a family, and this boy that has come into our home has made us complete.... other people have told us they can see it too....

We knew that the parents were going to be given the opportunity to get him back, and we are ok with that.... but if they are going to give him up.... i sure as hell do not want to see a case worker come into the fray to rock the boat...