How can my husband adopt my daughter?

[Verismopro]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington State


My daughter's biological father has never been in the picture; we separated when I was 3 months pregnant and wants nothing to do with her. He has never seen her or tried to contact her (she's now 3.5 years old). I don't know where he lives or how to find him, and I don't care to. My husband wants to adopt my daughter; do I have to terminate bio-dad's rights first even if he isn't on the birth certificate and did not sign a paternity affidàvit?

 

[justalayman]

You usually have to give notice, or attempt to give notice which sometimes means you have to publish notice in a newspaper where you believe the other party lives, of the intended action.


You say there is no legal father (nothing on birth certificate or otherwise has a man been legally determined to be the father) but the courts deal with putative father's rights as well.

Especially given the possible repercussions of a mistake causing you a lot of problems, you should utilize the services of a lawyer. You do not want an error on your part to give the father a right to contest the adoption somewhere down the road.

 

[wavehopper27]

If bio dad resists, you can inform him that allowing the adoption will get him off the hook for future CS. It's a materialistic and shallow way to look at it, but guys like this are probably much more concerned with their wallets anyways.

 

[Ohiogal]

If bio dad resists, you can inform him that allowing the adoption will get him off the hook for future CS. It's a materialistic and shallow way to look at it, but guys like this are probably much more concerned with their wallets anyways.

Why are you thinking this man doesn't want to be a father? maybe he does. Mom apparently doesn't want the man involved. If she doesn't know where he lives, he may not know where she lives. How many times has mom moved? Mom didn't keep track of dad. Did dad even know he was the father of the child? They weren't married and mom never went for a paternity test or to establish paternity.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington State


My daughter's biological father has never been in the picture; we separated when I was 3 months pregnant and wants nothing to do with her. He has never seen her or tried to contact her (she's now 3.5 years old). I don't know where he lives or how to find him, and I don't care to. My husband wants to adopt my daughter; do I have to terminate bio-dad's rights first even if he isn't on the birth certificate and did not sign a paternity affidàvit?

Oh but you do need to care about finding him. Given that you seem really keen on the idea, you want to speak to a local adoption attorney. You might find that you'll need to have him served via publication and that puts the issue well into "need an attorney" territory.

WA has become very...lax...about applying the statutes by the book. No matter what the statutes might say, they can be applied (or not) liberally. In other words, if the commissioner/judge has decided that Dad needs a shot at paternity, you're going to have to put this on the back burner at least for awhile.

 

[wavehopper27]

Why are you thinking this man doesn't want to be a father? maybe he does. Mom apparently doesn't want the man involved. If she doesn't know where he lives, he may not know where she lives. How many times has mom moved? Mom didn't keep track of dad. Did dad even know he was the father of the child? They weren't married and mom never went for a paternity test or to establish paternity.

Since she was 3 months pregnant when they spilt, one can reasonably assume that he was, at least aware of the pregnancy. If he was interested in being a dad, he could have followed up with her after birth and establish paternity and a relationship with the child if DNA indeed proved him to be the father. With no apparent effort on his part to even find out if the child is his, I'm pretty sure he'd be willing to wash his hands of the whole situation if given an opportunity to do so.

 

[Ohiogal]

Since she was 3 months pregnant when they spilt, one can reasonably assume that he was, at least aware of the pregnancy. If he was interested in being a dad, he could have followed up with her after birth and establish paternity and a relationship with the child if DNA indeed proved him to be the father. With no apparent effort on his part to even find out if the child is his, I'm pretty sure he'd be willing to wash his hands of the whole situation if given an opportunity to do so.

Did she move during pregnancy? Did she tell him when the baby was born? Did she inform him of all doctor's appointments? What did she do to involve him? And since the child was born out of wedlock, what evidence did he have that he was the father? Did she change her phone number? Did she tell him not to contact her? Did she get a CPO? Did she tell him she miscarried or the baby wasn't his? That happens. There are many reasons why he didn't contact her. Not just the one that he didn't want to be involved.

 

[wavehopper27]

Did she move during pregnancy? Did she tell him when the baby was born? Did she inform him of all doctor's appointments? What did she do to involve him? And since the child was born out of wedlock, what evidence did he have that he was the father? Did she change her phone number? Did she tell him not to contact her? Did she get a CPO? Did she tell him she miscarried or the baby wasn't his? That happens. There are many reasons why he didn't contact her. Not just the one that he didn't want to be involved.

It's conjecture and guess work on both our parts as what bio dad's state of mind is as far as this child is concerned.

Bottom line is that he at least needs to be notified of the proposed adotion and given the opportunity to respond.

 

[Ohiogal]

It's conjecture and guess work on both our parts as what bio dad's state of mind is as far as this child is concerned.

Bottom line is that he at least needs to be notified of the proposed adotion and given the opportunity to respond.

Correct. And he has the right to establish paternity and pursue visitation/custody with his child if the child proves to be his. That is my point. We can't think he won't want to be a father. We don't have the facts. It is possible he doesn't want to be a father but it is also possible that he will step up if contacted.

 

[Proserpina]

There's a difference though between "father who won't sign" and "can't find father"

If he's contacted and won't give consent Mom has to file for TPR, and that's where it gets tricky. It's not at all uncommon for the father to decide he wants to actually be a father and absent any extraordinary circumstances the courts will generally give him at least one shot.

If Mom honestly has no idea where he is, she needs to get permission to serve him by publication.

What's concerning though, is that Mom is very clear about wanting her ex to be out of the picture at any cost. There are many instances where the parent more or less lies about his whereabouts to make sure HER wants are fulfilled.

An attorney would be the best option.

 

[wavehopper27]

The only thing I was trying to say is in the event she finds dad and he doesn't want to sign, it's possible that once he learns that not allowing the adoption will also open the door to the possibility of 15+ years of child support, he MAY reconsider.

 

[dadinMS]

3 months pregnant? So 12 weeks. It's possible dad didn't even know she was pregnant. My wife is 24 weeks today and at 12 weeks didn't show a bit. Even now at 24 weeks in her scrubs you can't tell she's pregnant. So depending on the circumstances of their relationship he may not even know he has a child out there. If so, he deserves the chance to be a dad or make the decision not to.