its been 5 years

I live in PA and I'm a biological parent to an adoptive child. I'll call her A for now. It's been 5 years since the adoption and I'm having some major issues with the adoptive parents. They happen to be my mother and step father. I see A on a regular basis at least 2 times a week when permitted. I was told when I signed the adoption papers I would be permitted to have extended over night visits and I would be able to be A's "mother". But ever since the papers are signed they have not followed through with their claims. I feel I was conned into signing the papers and I was wondering if there is any legal recourse for me. Please help A is starting to ask questions that I'm afraid to answer!


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What is the name of your state? PA

Thank you all for the replies. But I just wanted to clarify some things. "A" is gonna be 6 at the end of this month. My daughter calls "A" her sister all the time. So naturally "A" doesn't understand why her sister and her call me different names. She is always asking why and my so-called mother won't answer her. My mother has asked that my daughter stop calling "A" her sister but I refuse to allow that because I feel that they should know who their siblings are. I have read some case files about the bio mom being forced to sign under duress or extraordinary circumstances. And I feel I was too. But who wants to fight their mom in court or believe that their mom lied to their face about something so important. My mom has a track record of "stealing " other peoples kids. She is a foster parent...how could I have possibly won against her?!?! Help what do I do? Fight for my daughter and lose my mom or possibly lose both of them for good. I'm having a hard time controlling what I say and how I treat "A". I'm expected to treat her as a sister not my daughter but thats nearly impossible anymore! HELP!!! Oh and I only signed two papers, never met with a judge, never recievd adoption counseling, and never heard about anything since I signed the papers December of 2002. I never received papers saying that the adoption was final. So is it possible that it isn't? I wouldn't put it past my mom to con me.

[CMSC]

What is the name of your state?

Originally Posted by JRaeMags

I live in PA and I'm a biological parent to an adoptive child. I'll call her A for now. It's been 5 years since the adoption and I'm having some major issues with the adoptive parents. They happen to be my mother and step father. I see A on a regular basis at least 2 times a week when permitted. I was told when I signed the adoption papers I would be permitted to have extended over night visits and I would be able to be A's "mother". But ever since the papers are signed they have not followed through with their claims. I feel I was conned into signing the papers and I was wondering if there is any legal recourse for me. Please help A is starting to ask questions that I'm afraid to answer!

If "A" is old enough to understand the truth and process, then explain it to her. You are a legal stranger now, with no rights...including visitation rights. Unless you signed an agreement before placing her up for adoption and that agreement was issued as a court order by a judge, you really have no recourse. The adoption papers were signed and filed in court, correct?

[nextwife]

What is the name of your state? What is the name of your state? What is the name of your state?

Excuse me, but it is NOT her "place" to "explain it to her". The child has two legal parents that have been raising her, it is THEIR place to inform their child of these issues. It is too bad they have not done so thus far (which I disagree with, a child should ALWAYS be made aware that they became a family by adoption, adoption is NOT a terrible secret that they must be sheltered from). Obviously biomom having her Mom adopt and placing herself in "sibling status" legally complicates adoption language, but this is something biomom needs to let adoptive parents know is being questioned by the child. It is the child's (adoptive) parents who need to get this addressed, using age-appropraite adoption language. There are many resources for books and stories to read with the child that discuss adoption in child language.

POster, it is doubtful there is cause to overturn the adoption if the only issues are agreements about one-on-one time with the child. If the legal relinquishments and adoption finalization were properly done, the rest of it is not legal cause to overturn an adoption. You can review the adoption with an attorney who can advise you.

[stealth2]

Gotta agree with nextwife. It is not OP's place to explain anything to the child because, to be blunt, she is no longer the child's parent.

[CMSC]

If "A" is a small child, then yes allow the adoptive parents to answer her questions. However, being adopted as I am, when you have a question to ask and only the biological parent can answer it, where do you suggest you get the answers??

If this child nows she is adopted and is just asking bmom questions, then bmom go ahead and answer them. What exactly are the types of questions "A" is asking. I guess I should have asked that before making my first post.

Nextwife, try looking at this through your child's eyes, or any adopted child for that matter. A relative in my family was raised in the same community as her biological mother...we saw her bmom on a regular basis, rode horses at her house etc. not once knowing this woman was bmom! My aunt believed when the "right" time came she would tell my cousin, she did not get that chance, my cousin found papers with this "friends" name listed as bmom. She asked questions of her mom before but my aunt never really answered...just beat around the bush. Someone should have told this child that our friend was her bmom but nobody ever did! So if the adoptive parents aren't going to tell her, then who should?

[nextwife]

AS I stated in my post, biomom should inform the child's parents that questions are being asked and THEY need to begin to explain this to their child. The fact that you had an Aunt who wrongly failed to discuss it does not change the question of whether it is appropriate for bioMom to go ahead and "explain". It is still not the place of biomom to have this talk. No other options even have been explored yet.

[haiku]

it is NO ONES business but the ADOPTIVE parents to tell the child personal business, bio-mom GAVE UP that right, no matter what her relationship is to the child now.

[stealth2]

Originally Posted by CMSC

So if the adoptive parents aren't going to tell her, then who should?

For right or wrong, that is a decision that's up to the child's adoptive parents. If OP's not careful, she may find herself on the wrong end of a restraining order.