Misled in Open Adoption

[N Bailey]

What is the name of your state? California
I have a close relative who placed her newborn child for adoption a year ago. She was a teenager and did not have the financial and emotional stability to care for a child at that time. She only chose open adoption because the adoptive parents promised to allow her to be a part of the child's life but now they have rescinded that promise to the point of almost no visitation. No one really knows why. Originally there was an agreement that was made in writing through the adoption agency to receive monthly visitation. Does she have any recourse in maintaining the relationship as was previously promised? She feels so misled by both the adoptive parents as well as the adoption agency. Her main concern is that this child will one day feel that she did not want him - as though he was abandoned.What is the name of your state?

 

[seniorjudge]

Did you have a lawyer?

How old were you when you had the kid?

How old were you when you gave the kid up for adoption?

What relation are the adoptive parents to you?

 

[sabrina sanders]

adoptive parents decide who can see child

She only chose open adoption because the adoptive parents promised to allow her to be a part of the child's life but now they have rescinded that promise . Does she have any recourse in maintaining the relationship as was previously promised? ?

unfortunately, she doesnt have any recourse. the adoptive parents have the right to decide who can see their child. your friend is out of luck untill the child is 18.

 

[nextwife]

What is the name of your state? California
I have a close relative who placed her newborn child for adoption a year ago. She was a teenager and did not have the financial and emotional stability to care for a child at that time. She only chose open adoption because the adoptive parents promised to allow her to be a part of the child's life but now they have rescinded that promise to the point of almost no visitation. No one really knows why. Originally there was an agreement that was made in writing through the adoption agency to receive monthly visitation. Does she have any recourse in maintaining the relationship as was previously promised? She feels so misled by both the adoptive parents as well as the adoption agency. Her main concern is that this child will one day feel that she did not want him - as though he was abandoned.What is the name of your state?

She might want to start by inquiring whether there were any issues or concerns the child's parents had about the nature of the visitations, or any third parties that your "Friend" may have involved.

As someone who is active on some support sites for adoptive parents, I am aware that some adoptive parents who intended an open adoption have ended up ultimately withdrawing that visitation due to some serious concerns they had about things biomom was telling their child, and about other parties that biomom was bringing into ttheir child's life. Or about biomom's obvious drug use. As the parents, they sadly came to recognize that the visits were not in the current best interests of their child.

Has mom reviewed those meetings in her mind to determine if there were any "problematic" actions on her part that may have caused concern by the child's parents?

 

[momofrose]

What is the name of your state? California
I have a close relative who placed her newborn child for adoption a year ago. She was a teenager and did not have the financial and emotional stability to care for a child at that time. She only chose open adoption because the adoptive parents promised to allow her to be a part of the child's life but now they have rescinded that promise to the point of almost no visitation. No one really knows why. Originally there was an agreement that was made in writing through the adoption agency to receive monthly visitation. Does she have any recourse in maintaining the relationship as was previously promised? She feels so misled by both the adoptive parents as well as the adoption agency. Her main concern is that this child will one day feel that she did not want him - as though he was abandoned.What is the name of your state?

Sorry - there is no legal recourse at all for the birthmom. Being an adoptive mom of a baby I truly hope the adoptive parents know that the best thing for an adopted child (in most cases) is to make sure that the child know how much the birth mom loved them and that was why the adoption oath was chosen, so that the child could get the care and stability the birthmom wanted for her child. I am in the opposite boat - We went into this wanting an open adoption..a year and so later, we have hide nor hair from the birthmom (thoughI have tried somany times to speak or email her)...sometimes there is nothing you can do - you can only trust that the "revised adoption plan" will work and is best for the child. I wish you her the best, but she has no legal recourse against the parents or the agency.

D

 

[hopefulbiomom]

I hope all works out for your "friend". 16 yrs ago I did the same thing with the same promises. I saw my daughter for the first time in 15 1/2 yrs this past christmas. For a long time she thought and was told that I didn't want her and just gave her away. I hope your "friend" finds a way to see her child and let him know he is loved.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Sorry - there is no legal recourse at all for the birthmom.

D

Correct on the face of the exact statement. But overall, false. Now, let the debate begin

 

[momofrose]

I would be interested in what you know about this. My understanding is that the "open adoption" contract is legally not enforceable once the adoption has been finalized. The adoptive parents are the legal parents and make decisions for their chikld as if they gave birth to them.

I personally would like to enforce it the other way (make the birthparent interface with the child) - but that is not even fathomable.

But still interested, as I have seen this situstion far too often.

To Hopefulbiomom - I am so sorry you and the child had to go through that. Seems to be that when this happens is where the child has abandonment issues and never feels quite "complete" - in my opinion a bad move onthe parents part.

D

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I would be interested in what you know about this. My understanding is that the "open adoption" contract is legally not enforceable once the adoption has been finalized. The adoptive parents are the legal parents and make decisions for their chikld as if they gave birth to them.

I personally would like to enforce it the other way (make the birthparent interface with the child) - but that is not even fathomable.

But still interested, as I have seen this situstion far too often.

To Hopefulbiomom - I am so sorry you and the child had to go through that. Seems to be that when this happens is where the child has abandonment issues and never feels quite "complete" - in my opinion a bad move onthe parents part.

D

Go back and read the ORIGINAL post and then come here and tell me what's missing.

 

[momofrose]

What is the name of your state? California
I have a close relative who placed her newborn child for adoption a year ago. She was a teenager and did not have the financial and emotional stability to care for a child at that time. She only chose open adoption because the adoptive parents promised to allow her to be a part of the child's life but now they have rescinded that promise to the point of almost no visitation. No one really knows why. Originally there was an agreement that was made in writing through the adoption agency to receive monthly visitation. Does she have any recourse in maintaining the relationship as was previously promised? She feels so misled by both the adoptive parents as well as the adoption agency. Her main concern is that this child will one day feel that she did not want him - as though he was abandoned.What is the name of your state?

I read it again..not sure I see anything out of the norm...

what am i missing?

d

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I read it again..not sure I see anything out of the norm...

what am i missing?

d

I'm not going to give you the answer. Read it yet again. You are missing one very important fact that will come back to bite the adoptive parents in the ass (assuming it wasn't just left off the post)

 

[hopefulbiomom]

When this happened to me. I was made the same promises. I was told by the attorney that I could be given any amount in promises in writing but once the adoption was finallized that they ment nothing, because I had NO rights to her at all. I saw my daughter on occasion until she was about 1yr. Then everything changed. I kept contact with her mother always told she wasn't there or couldn't talk at the time. She kept my number (thank goodness). I got a call at the end of July from my daughter asking if she could come see me after Christmas. I told her if her mother oked it. Not wanting to cause problems. I was told at that time she had been told that I NEVER wanted her and since I wouldn't have an abortion, I just gave her away and NEVER wanted to SEE her again, that I loved my other children and NEVER wanted her. I did what I thought was best for my child and believe that there are so many people who can't have children. Her parents were a couple like that. I thought my child would be safe and happy. I was wrong. I still believe in adoption but you have to know the parents for a much longer time than a few weeks or even months.

 

[momofrose]

What is the name of your state? California
I have a close relative who placed her newborn child for adoption a year ago. She was a teenager and did not have the financial and emotional stability to care for a child at that time. She only chose open adoption because the adoptive parents promised to allow her to be a part of the child's life but now they have rescinded that promise to the point of almost no visitation. No one really knows why. Originally there was an agreement that was made in writing through the adoption agency to receive monthly visitation. Does she have any recourse in maintaining the relationship as was previously promised? She feels so misled by both the adoptive parents as well as the adoption agency. Her main concern is that this child will one day feel that she did not want him - as though he was abandoned.What is the name of your state?

Wuld it be the age of the teenager? I know that a person younger than 18 can not enter into a legally binding contract..I assumed that if the bio mom was under 18 that her parents (or lgeal guardians) would have to act as a legal rep for the minor child. I know there are many "children" who have babies and place then for adoption,..is that it?

"D"

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Wuld it be the age of the teenager? I know that a person younger than 18 can not enter into a legally binding contract..I assumed that if the bio mom was under 18 that her parents (or lgeal guardians) would have to act as a legal rep for the minor child. I know there are many "children" who have babies and place then for adoption,..is that it?

"D"

No, that would NOT be it. A child under the age of 18 can in fact, consent to adoption without parental interference. I have highlighted several words in your response. Look at them carefully and put the female bias away then tell me what is GLARINGLY missing.

 

[momofrose]

That is disgusting that she was told that. I can't imagine the feelings of worthlessness and abandoment she must have felt growing up and the risidual effect it is having on her now. I hope that you and her can develop a loving relationship and you will help her to heal. As an adoptive parent (to a 15 month old now) I can't imagine telling my son those horrible things! His birthmom is such a loving and caring person...he will know all of this and more.

D