my ******* bio father.

What is the name of your state? Well I live in Canada..

I apologize ahead of time if this isnt the proper thread. I dont really know what Im seeking advice on exactly. I found out about less than a year ago, that the man who raised me is not my biolgical father. ( I just turned 18) I remember at about the age of 6 or 7 looking at my baptism announcement in a photo album and I noticed I had my mothers surname. Things like that, my mom would tell me that "I am hers" and as a small girl I remember her saying things like "we married your daddy" or "you chose him for your daddy" I dont know, I felt I had been lied to all my life, It was angering. But I would calm down and be grateful I had such a wonderful mother and father. That he didnt have to be my dad. But he was.. and his mother and father didnt have to treat me with such love, Things like this. But it still gets to me. And the fact of how it all happened.. I shudder to say but my bio father took advantage of my mother, a rape situation. He was a 'friend' of hers. He denied me. GOD. okay This man has a happy little family not 5 minutes down the highway from us. I hate the things I know. And I dont know how to go about anything. This anger eats at me. I dont want to meet him, But Im convinced I have to confront him somehow. My whole life as a child I always just pretend things like I didnt know my daddy. I dont know why, it was just something in the back of my mind. So when I was told it didnt surprise me too much. But. I guess this is just a rant. I'm sorry, I guess if anyone has some advice on what I should do.. confront him.. or what? It would be greatly appreciated.

Thank-you

[HomeGuru]

Originally posted by Mavigan
What is the name of your state? Well I live in Canada..

I apologize ahead of time if this isnt the proper thread. I dont really know what Im seeking advice on exactly. I found out about less than a year ago, that the man who raised me is not my biolgical father. ( I just turned 18) I remember at about the age of 6 or 7 looking at my baptism announcement in a photo album and I noticed I had my mothers surname. Things like that, my mom would tell me that "I am hers" and as a small girl I remember her saying things like "we married your daddy" or "you chose him for your daddy" I dont know, I felt I had been lied to all my life, It was angering. But I would calm down and be grateful I had such a wonderful mother and father. That he didnt have to be my dad. But he was.. and his mother and father didnt have to treat me with such love, Things like this. But it still gets to me. And the fact of how it all happened.. I shudder to say but my bio father took advantage of my mother, a rape situation. He was a 'friend' of hers. He denied me. GOD. okay This man has a happy little family not 5 minutes down the highway from us. I hate the things I know. And I dont know how to go about anything. This anger eats at me. I dont want to meet him, But Im convinced I have to confront him somehow. My whole life as a child I always just pretend things like I didnt know my daddy. I dont know why, it was just something in the back of my mind. So when I was told it didnt surprise me too much. But. I guess this is just a rant. I'm sorry, I guess if anyone has some advice on what I should do.. confront him.. or what? It would be greatly appreciated.

Thank-you

**A: seek counseling before taking the next step. Preferrably in Canada where you are from.

[nextwife]

The counseling suggestion is a good one. You need to deal with your feelings and resentments.

Maybe you need to stop attaching the word "father" as in "biofather" to that man. Your father is the person who loved you and raised you. That other man has never been any kind of a father to you. He is a sperm donor, a supplier of genetic material. He is UN-deserving of the word "father" being used to refer to him by you.

You cannot change the past. You CAN be thankful that you have TWO loving parents who were there for you. Many kids do not get a chance to have both parents in their lives. Granted, maybe it would have been less difficult for you if you grew up always knowing that your dad was an adoptive dad. But I am sure you can appreciate how difficult it was for your mom to know HOW to discuss this with you.

I wish you the best and hope you can someday come to peace with the situation.

My advice? Seek counseling. Do nothing involving this person. As nextwife aptly put, he is a sperm donar. No good can come of it, not even for you.