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  #1  
Old 02-26-2009, 10:58 AM
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My husband wants to adopt my daughter from a previous relationship

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My daughter is going to be 9 this year. Her father & I split up when she was about 6 months old. He didn't want anything to do with her until he found out I had a new boyfriend at the time...I let him see her and do things with her and then on Halloween night when she was almost 2 he called me and said he wasn't ever bringing her back again. I called the police and he finally did bring her home the next day. In the same day I went and filed in court. At first he was granted visitation every weekend, & to pay child support. Well he wasn't paying like he was suppose to, quit showing up on time, would show up drunk, so I took him back to court & they took away visitation. They did a in home inspection and found his home at the time to be un-fit. Really I am just over the whole situation. What it comes down to is that he hasn't seen her since she was 2, she doesn't remember him, she thinks my husband now is her father. She has a sister & a brother and we are all doing great. Her biological father as moved probably as far south as he could and has nothing to do with her for over 6 going on 7 years. My number is the same his family knows where I live, although I have had problems with the rest of his family in the past. My husband wants to adopt her, what would I need to do to have this done?
I don't even want the child support none of the money can make up for the time he has lost with her. 7 yrs. is a lot of time. We are happy the way things are now I just know she feels left out not having the same last name as us and she ask me about it.
  #2  
Old 02-26-2009, 11:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrseddelman View Post
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My daughter is going to be 9 this year. Her father & I split up when she was about 6 months old. He didn't want anything to do with her until he found out I had a new boyfriend at the time...I let him see her and do things with her and then on Halloween night when she was almost 2 he called me and said he wasn't ever bringing her back again. I called the police and he finally did bring her home the next day. In the same day I went and filed in court. At first he was granted visitation every weekend, & to pay child support. Well he wasn't paying like he was suppose to, quit showing up on time, would show up drunk, so I took him back to court & they took away visitation. They did a in home inspection and found his home at the time to be un-fit. Really I am just over the whole situation. What it comes down to is that he hasn't seen her since she was 2, she doesn't remember him, she thinks my husband now is her father. She has a sister & a brother and we are all doing great. Her biological father as moved probably as far south as he could and has nothing to do with her for over 6 going on 7 years. My number is the same his family knows where I live, although I have had problems with the rest of his family in the past. My husband wants to adopt her, what would I need to do to have this done?
I don't even want the child support none of the money can make up for the time he has lost with her. 7 yrs. is a lot of time. We are happy the way things are now I just know she feels left out not having the same last name as us and she ask me about it.
9 years old is WAAAY to old for you to be lying to her

You need to get into family counseling to work this out so kid doesn't get any more hurt.

Unless 'biological father' is dead, then this adoption will not happen.
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  #3  
Old 02-26-2009, 11:11 AM
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If anyone hurt her it was definitely him....the last time he did visit with her she came home with marks all over her back. She doesn't need to know him if he if more concerned with partying and his friends then he is with her. She calls my husband dad and has now for about 5 years. I didn't lie to her, I just never said anything at all.
  #4  
Old 02-26-2009, 11:14 AM
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Its not like I'm running, he is, I've been in the same place now for five years...What purpose does it serve her for him to move halfway across the United States. I'm not in the wrong, I have improved my life tremendously for the better and am happy with my family.
  #5  
Old 02-26-2009, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted by mrseddelman View Post
If anyone hurt her it was definitely him....the last time he did visit with her she came home with marks all over her back. She doesn't need to know him if he if more concerned with partying and his friends then he is with her. She calls my husband dad and has now for about 5 years. I didn't lie to her, I just never said anything at all.
I'm not here to get into a good parent / bad parent discourse.

To get an adoption, you need to get dad's parental rights terminated.

You can't do that simply for him being a deadbeat.

Which is why, short of him being dead, it just is not going to happen.

You need to get into family therapy, and start fixing things. Like why mom and step dad have different last names than her.
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  #6  
Old 02-26-2009, 11:30 AM
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He did lose rights on her
  #7  
Old 02-26-2009, 11:34 AM
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Are you saying that you have an order from a court terminating ALL parental rights to this child?

That is not the same thing as him losing visitation for being unfit.
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  #8  
Old 02-26-2009, 11:36 AM
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Yes that is what I am saying
  #9  
Old 02-26-2009, 11:54 AM
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Originally Posted by mrseddelman View Post
Yes that is what I am saying
What is the EXACT wording of the order?
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  #10  
Old 02-26-2009, 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by mrseddelman View Post
She calls my husband dad and has now for about 5 years. I didn't lie to her, I just never said anything at all.
Ummm...That IS lying to her - You need to come clean to her and tell her that "dad" is not really "dad" and even if he becomes "DAD" that he adopoted her. You are playing wiht this child's life here.

regardless of what her dad has done, he is stillher fther and she needs to know that. You can not erase him out of her life!
  #11  
Old 02-26-2009, 12:47 PM
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Originally Posted by xylene View Post
9 years old is WAAAY to old for you to be lying to her

You need to get into family counseling to work this out so kid doesn't get any more hurt.

Unless 'biological father' is dead, then this adoption will not happen.
Actually the adoption could happen. However she still should NOT have lied to the child.
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  #12  
Old 02-26-2009, 12:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xylene View Post
I'm not here to get into a good parent / bad parent discourse.

To get an adoption, you need to get dad's parental rights terminated.

You can't do that simply for him being a deadbeat.

Which is why, short of him being dead, it just is not going to happen.

You need to get into family therapy, and start fixing things. Like why mom and step dad have different last names than her.
Actually you can. Under abandonment in many many places.
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Parents should remember three things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) & when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you & how you treat your children determines what type of nursing home you end up in.


Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship. The devil is in the details after all.

Licensed to practice law in Ohio and a Guardian Ad Litem for children
  #13  
Old 02-26-2009, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
Actually you can. Under abandonment in many many places.

[url=http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/groundtermin.cfm]Grounds for Involuntary Termination of Parental Rights[/url]

[url]http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/groundterminall.pdf[/url]
Indiana on page 20
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  #14  
Old 02-27-2009, 03:37 AM
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There are a few ways to go about this.

1. You terminate her fathers parental rights in that case it would be a simple matter of adoption.
2. You contact the father and ask that he pay child support or sign a form by an attorney terminating his parental rights. (There must be some gain or he won't play the game.) The final phase will be a court hearing which the father can attend by phone hookup or in person. The court does not like terminating child support unless it is in the childs interest. The same with parental rights.
  #15  
Old 03-01-2009, 01:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
Actually you can. Under abandonment in many many places.
I understood the poster as receiving child support but with difficulty and tribulation and willing to give it up for adoption. I see your point.
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