Need advice...

[kgmd]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama

The biological father of my 3 and 5 year old children lives in another state and has nothing to do with them. No child support, no visitation, not even listed on their birth certificate and they have my last name. I'm getting married to a man whose been their "dad" for about 2 years now. We want to add his name to the birth certificates and change their last names so we're one family. Can this be done? I have the paperwork and was planning on mailing it in after we marry. If something happens to me (death), would my husband keep the children? I've asked bio-dad in the past about having his rights established then signing them over so someone else could adopt them (insurance purposes), and he's made it clear that this is my problem and he will not cooperate in any way, shape or form. (I know... he wasn't the best choice I've made in the past.) Can we add my husband to the birth certificates (after we marry), change their name and call it a day? Bio-dad will not go thru the trouble of setting himself up for child support (including backpay and reimbursement from the state) should he ever find out what we did. But what if, 8 years from now, he decides "Hmmm... I want to be a dad now"? What can we do to set this in stone?? We just want this to be legal...

[Gracie3787]

Originally Posted by kgmd

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama

The biological father of my 3 and 5 year old children lives in another state and has nothing to do with them. No child support, no visitation, not even listed on their birth certificate and they have my last name. I'm getting married to a man whose been their "dad" for about 2 years now. We want to add his name to the birth certificates and change their last names so we're one family. Can this be done? I have the paperwork and was planning on mailing it in after we marry. If something happens to me (death), would my husband keep the children? I've asked bio-dad in the past about having his rights established then signing them over so someone else could adopt them (insurance purposes), and he's made it clear that this is my problem and he will not cooperate in any way, shape or form. (I know... he wasn't the best choice I've made in the past.) Can we add my husband to the birth certificates (after we marry), change their name and call it a day? Bio-dad will not go thru the trouble of setting himself up for child support (including backpay and reimbursement from the state) should he ever find out what we did. But what if, 8 years from now, he decides "Hmmm... I want to be a dad now"? What can we do to set this in stone?? We just want this to be legal...

NO- you cannot do a name change and have hubby listed on BC. That takes a legal adoption.

After you and hubby have been married for at least 1 year, you will need to hire an attorney to do an adoption. A step parent adoption isn't something that you should attempt without an attorney because too many things can go wrong.

[Zigner]

Originally Posted by kgmd

Bio-dad will not go thru the trouble of setting himself up for child support (including backpay and reimbursement from the state) should he ever find out what we did.

So, you've been on the dole and never bothered making the FATHER of these children step up to the plate? Way to go Mom!

[Dogmatique]

Originally Posted by kgmd

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama

The biological father of my 3 and 5 year old children lives in another state and has nothing to do with them. No child support, no visitation, not even listed on their birth certificate and they have my last name. I'm getting married to a man whose been their "dad" for about 2 years now. We want to add his name to the birth certificates and change their last names so we're one family. Can this be done? I have the paperwork and was planning on mailing it in after we marry. If something happens to me (death), would my husband keep the children? I've asked bio-dad in the past about having his rights established then signing them over so someone else could adopt them (insurance purposes), and he's made it clear that this is my problem and he will not cooperate in any way, shape or form. (I know... he wasn't the best choice I've made in the past.) Can we add my husband to the birth certificates (after we marry), change their name and call it a day? Bio-dad will not go thru the trouble of setting himself up for child support (including backpay and reimbursement from the state) should he ever find out what we did. But what if, 8 years from now, he decides "Hmmm... I want to be a dad now"? What can we do to set this in stone?? We just want this to be legal...

Is Dad legally established as Dad?

Are there ANY court orders for child support/custody ?

You absolutely need to speak with an attorney. Dad does have to be given the chance to exercise his rights before his rights will be terminated....and until his rights are terminated the adoption isn't going to happen.

ETA: Ah Gracie, I keep unwittingly repeating what you've already said..I will read harder next time

[Blue Meanie]

Originally Posted by Zigner

So, you've been on the dole and never bothered making the FATHER of these children step up to the plate? Way to go Mom!

Not only that but she had to have lied to state agencies. They REQUIRE information on the father to defer costs.

[Dogmatique]

Originally Posted by Blue Meanie

Not only that but she had to have lied to state agencies. They REQUIRE information on the father to defer costs.

Wow, yeah...that completely flew over my head!

OP, just something else that might need to be emphasized:

Your family will be a family regardless; sharing the same last name does not a family make, y'know? It really honestly doesn't matter if kiddo's last name is different from yours.