Notice of Adoption to Grandparents

[Trail213]

What is the name of your state? California

I am a grandparent living in Oregon who lost visitation rights to my two grandsons in a San Diego court this past May. My son, his former spouse and her new husband all filed declarations agreeing to my son's giving the new step-father legal and physical custody of his two sons and my son's declaration stated that he would be terminating his parental rights "at the appropriate time."

Does California law mandate that the paternal grandparents will receive any kind of notice that this has taken place?

I haven't seen my grandsons for two years (devastating and painful, you cannot imagine the heartache --they are 11 and 8) nor my son for 2 years. Don't even ask.....Navy SEAL with sociopathic behavior inherited from his father whom he hasn't seen (son's choice) for 14 years. Son has chosen to completely sever himself from both sides of the family. I would be a reminder that he had given up his boys. So he has remarried, a dentist, and has thrown out his family so he is not reminded of the past 12 years of his life. In hindsight the sad part is that my San Diego attorneys didn't really apprise me of what a slim chance I had to win any visitation (under Section 3104...we lost first under 3103 filed September, 2004), especially if both parents oppose it. I should never have taken it to the courts. Anyway, will I receive any notice that an adoption is taking place? The boys have been using their step-father's last name since June, 2004.

Thank you.

Trail213

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

What is the name of your state? California

Anyway, will I receive any notice that an adoption is taking place?

My response:

No.

IAAL

 

[Trail213]

Conflicting Advice

The San Diego attorney who represented me in my May, 2005, attempt to have the matter placed in family mediation (where I was ruled against by Judge Smyth) told me that an investigator is assigned to every adoption and that the grandparents must receive notification. If I don't receive notice, I have 6 months to have the matter set aside. Of course, how would I know that the adoption was even taking place (family court will not tell anyone anything) in order to be able to set it aside.

My former attorney has done a step-parent adoption in San Diego County and said that the notification was part of the adoption process.

So what am I to believe? That's why I posted here to try to get confirmation.

Thank you,
Cheryl

 

[tigger22472]

The only one that is to be notified of an adoption is the bio parent as they are the only one who stands in being able to contest, even then once they have been told it's been filed they don't by law have to be told when it is to be heard and finalized if they waive that right or ignore any notification. Grandparents have no standing in this.

 

[bononos]

What is the name of your state? California

I am a grandparent living in Oregon who lost visitation rights to my two grandsons in a San Diego court this past May. My son, his former spouse and her new husband all filed declarations agreeing to my son's giving the new step-father legal and physical custody of his two sons and my son's declaration stated that he would be terminating his parental rights "at the appropriate time."

Does California law mandate that the paternal grandparents will receive any kind of notice that this has taken place?

I haven't seen my grandsons for two years (devastating and painful, you cannot imagine the heartache --they are 11 and 8) nor my son for 2 years. Don't even ask.....Navy SEAL with sociopathic behavior inherited from his father whom he hasn't seen (son's choice) for 14 years. Son has chosen to completely sever himself from both sides of the family. I would be a reminder that he had given up his boys. So he has remarried, a dentist, and has thrown out his family so he is not reminded of the past 12 years of his life. In hindsight the sad part is that my San Diego attorneys didn't really apprise me of what a slim chance I had to win any visitation (under Section 3104...we lost first under 3103 filed September, 2004), especially if both parents oppose it. I should never have taken it to the courts. Anyway, will I receive any notice that an adoption is taking place? The boys have been using their step-father's last name since June, 2004.

Thank you.

Trail213

Here's a crazy idea:
Write your son off, kiss some serious azz with his ex-wife and ask if on occassion, you might see the kids.

 

[Trail213]

Thanx

Son wrote himself off and I wrote him out (of the will); former DIL is vicious towards me so no amount of begging, grovelling, or appealing to rational thinking will prove fruitful.

This will be a test of my patience. Grandsons will be 18 some day and mom can't keep me or them away if they want to find out the truth.

Thanx for your input; I just don't understand why my attorney would give me the advice she did. And it only cost $275/hour to get misinformation!

~~Trail213 in Oregon

 

[Rushia]

Son wrote himself off and I wrote him out (of the will); former DIL is vicious towards me so no amount of begging, grovelling, or appealing to rational thinking will prove fruitful.

This is something you should have been doing before you filed (sucking up). GP's who lose generally never see their grandchildren again.

This will be a test of my patience. Grandsons will be 18 some day and mom can't keep me or them away if they want to find out the truth.

And you would try to tell them your version of the "truth"? If they come to you don't try to drag their mother thru the mud. For all you know they may simply decide that their mother was right and never bother with you again.

Thanx for your input; I just don't understand why my attorney would give me the advice she did. And it only cost $275/hour to get misinformation!

Attorneys will tell you what you want to hear.

 

[Trail213]

The Truth

Thanx, Rushia, for your response. However, this is a convoluted matter and without all the facts, you can only make generalizations. You cannot understand the dysfunctional dynamics that have taken place with my son. When I spoke of telling my grandsons the "truth" some day, what I meant was that I will tell them that I always wanted to see them and I spent thousands of dollars simply to try to put this matter in family mediation so we could all discuss it rationally before a third party. My son and former DIL did not want that to happen. I only wanted to be able to see them 3 or 4x a year. They live in San Diego; I live in Oregon so it's not as though I would be living in the "back pocket" of the parent and step-parent. Even though I was in their lives until two years ago, I NEVER said anything negative or denigrative about either one of their parents. I would never do that. I have been down this road in two other instances and I know all about trying to tear down a parent. Kids are smart; they figure things out for themselves eventually.

I have a notebook 5" thick of newsy, nice, family-type EMs and communications from my former DIL and the boys...even from my son who back in the late 90's said he loved me and was proud to be my son. Something happened two years ago. The DIL decided to remarry and I was being squeezed out of all their lives. I was only going to get MINIMAL visitation and contact. It would take me 4-5 attempts to even get her to answer the phone (I would make these attempts once a month so I don't think that was infringing on their time and she said she screened all her calls) and then I would have to spend 30" talking with mom before the boys would be put on the line. There were some fairly stringent unwritten "rules" that I had to follow and I felt as though I was a puppet on a string and walking on eggshells and that the visitation would be jerked from me at any given time if I made a misstep.

You would really have to be in this situation to completely understand it. You would have to know my son and his father with their sociopathic tendencies (father is an attorney, born-again Christian, 8 children by 5 different women, one out of wedlock, and currently married to a Filipino woman 20 years his junior, living in Hawaii). This is a story that could be a soap opera. Currently my son has terminated his parental rights, is remarried to a Filipino Navy dentist living 2 blocks from the beach in Imperial Beach, California, in a new condo and is embarking on his new life. Basically he took a broom and swept everyone out of his life. But he's a Navy SEAL and can live on his own narcissism and machisimo. It's very, very sad and depressing if I dwell on it. I don't know where my blond-haired sweet son went.........

So when I say I will tell my grandsons the "truth," what I mean is that I just want them to know that I tried to stay in their lives in an unobtrusive way but yet remain a real grandparent. However, for whatever reasons, neither one of their parents was going to allow that. The boys will have to ask their mother and father why they did what they did. What I do know is that I think they were trying to nudge me and nudge me until I reacted and when I did, all Hell broke loose. No, the boys can figure out for themselves what happened and come to their own conclusions. What will be important is for them to someday have this grandmother, their aunt, and their great-uncle and hopefully some of their other relatives back in their lives so that we can share their family history with them....tell them about my father, my mother and stories that they will never know otherwise. I am just sorry that we are missing out on some quality time. I did nothing to be squeezed out of their lives except request in the only way I could (EM and phone requests to mom for an overnight visitation were met with "Great!" only to receive a later EM that that would be impossible, in her words "will never happen" and so it went.) I was relegated to a rung on the ladder that was lower than their baby-sitters'. And the boys did know me as their grandmother so it wasn't as though I was a stranger to them.

At any rate, I don't mean to be confrontational; I can understand how you would have interpreted my statement. But I really am a rational, logical, quality human being who is guilty of only thing: I wanted to be an active grandparent even from a distance but it just wasn't meant to be.

But I will never give up hope and patience. Remember, given time even an egg will walk.

Thank you for your input. Sorry for the length of this post.

~~Cheryl

 

[Rushia]

I do understand. However I am the parent going thru this RIGHT NOW. I am being sued for visitation that was freely given. These GP's did expect me to run the children (we live a mile away from them) every time they told me to jump. They literally expect to have more time with my children than either of the parents. My children may only be 4 and 6, but they are very busy children. They have their own activities, their father's family, my family and both of their stepparents families that we have to juggle time for.

I know that this is a legal site. But my personal opinion is that you should keep the "truth" to yourself. You can state that you tried to fight to see them, but mom and dad could spin it around on you. You see, that's my thought. The GP's in my case are trying to tell mine that, but I could say the same. I am fighting for MY children.

I am sorry that you don't get to see them, but hopefully as you said, they may come to you when they are old enough. Just remember to leave them out of the loop as far as the legal aspect.

 

[tigger22472]

I do understand. However I am the parent going thru this RIGHT NOW. I am being sued for visitation that was freely given. These GP's did expect me to run the children (we live a mile away from them) every time they told me to jump. They literally expect to have more time with my children than either of the parents. My children may only be 4 and 6, but they are very busy children. They have their own activities, their father's family, my family and both of their stepparents families that we have to juggle time for.

I know that this is a legal site. But my personal opinion is that you should keep the "truth" to yourself. You can state that you tried to fight to see them, but mom and dad could spin it around on you. You see, that's my thought. The GP's in my case are trying to tell mine that, but I could say the same. I am fighting for MY children.

I am sorry that you don't get to see them, but hopefully as you said, they may come to you when they are old enough. Just remember to leave them out of the loop as far as the legal aspect.

I totally agree with you on the 'truth' issue. One person's 'truth' isn't always the others and I know although my situation is with a bio-parent and not a grandparent, the same issue applied. When the children are older when he tells his version of the 'truth' he will totally isolate them if he even has a chance in teh first place.

 

[westcoastdaddy]

grandma has no say in grandkids adoption

you are not a party to the adoption, so you are not entitled to notice of the adoption proceeding.this is strictly between your son, his ex, and her new husband,you have no say in the matter at all, im sorry.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

you are not a party to the adoption, so you are not entitled to notice of the adoption proceeding.this is strictly between your son, his ex, and her new husband,you have no say in the matter at all, im sorry.

This has been brought to you, by the "Kelly Abernathy Automated Response System".

What a shame she has such a limited vocabulary.

 

[Zephyr]

This has been brought to you bye the "Kelly Abernathy Automated Response System".

What a shame she has such a limited vocabulary.

do you think she'll ever get sick of seeing that after every single one of her posts?

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

do you think she'll ever get sick of seeing that after every single one of her posts?

lol, nah,.........I think she is under the impression we all like her on this forum. She's the type that has to look in the mirror and tell herself,........"You are special, and people like you", repeatedly.

 

[stealth2]

do you think she'll ever get sick of seeing that after every single one of her posts?

No, but I sure am. Especially when it contains grammatical and spelling errors.