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  #1  
Old 04-05-2009, 05:43 PM
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Perjury by birthmother?

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina
I will do my best to keep this as brief as possible.
My husband and I went through an adoption facilitation agency based in California to be matched with a birthmother for the purpose of adoption. We clearly stated to them what kind of child would be the best fit for our family, verbally and in writing. We were matched with a 17 year old birthmother for an open adoption, who gave birth to a healthy boy. At birth, it was too soon to tell exactly what his ethnicity was, but now, as the baby gets older, (he's ten weeks now) it is very, very obvious that the birthmother lied to us about the baby's father's race on her application, and also lied to our attorney on the legal documents regarding paternity. The match was made based on the false information she provided. Right now, we are thinking about what is best for the baby and our family, and the plan is to finalize the adoption sometime over the next two months. I don't think we will ever hear from the birthmother again. However, we have no medical history on the baby's father, and I don't want him having psychological issues when he gets older about not knowing who hs father is. What should we do? The word "perjury" keeps coming to mind. Can this create problems with finalization? This situation has changed my mind about the merits of open adoption. The adoptive parents seem to have few rights.
ThanksWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
  #2  
Old 04-05-2009, 05:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oliveoyl79 View Post
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina
I will do my best to keep this as brief as possible.
My husband and I went through an adoption facilitation agency based in California to be matched with a birthmother for the purpose of adoption. We clearly stated to them what kind of child would be the best fit for our family, verbally and in writing. We were matched with a 17 year old birthmother for an open adoption, who gave birth to a healthy boy. At birth, it was too soon to tell exactly what his ethnicity was, but now, as the baby gets older, (he's ten weeks now) it is very, very obvious that the birthmother lied to us about the baby's father's race on her application, and also lied to our attorney on the legal documents regarding paternity. The match was made based on the false information she provided. Right now, we are thinking about what is best for the baby and our family, and the plan is to finalize the adoption sometime over the next two months. I don't think we will ever hear from the birthmother again. However, we have no medical history on the baby's father, and I don't want him having psychological issues when he gets older about not knowing who hs father is. What should we do? The word "perjury" keeps coming to mind. Can this create problems with finalization? This situation has changed my mind about the merits of open adoption. The adoptive parents seem to have few rights.
ThanksWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I don't understand...Didn't you meet the birth-father? Wasn't a paternity test done to make sure he WAS the birth-father?
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"Did you learn any interesting facts about the animals on the movie (Nation Geographic)?"
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  #3  
Old 04-05-2009, 06:53 PM
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Perhaps she has no clue who the father of the child is and she made a guess. She guessed wrong, or somewhere down the gene pool in one of their families is someone not as pure as you'd like them to be. The adoptive parents DO have rights. The adoption isn't final, if you don't want a mixed race child, don't finalize the adoption.
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  #4  
Old 04-05-2009, 07:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oliveoyl79 View Post
However, we have no medical history on the baby's father, and I don't want him having psychological issues when he gets older about not knowing who hs father is. (only U.S. law)?
Why would he have "psychological problems" from not knowing who his bio parent is? If you do a good job as an adoptive parent, and use proper adoption terminology, and make him secure about his relationship with you, it shouldn't cause "psychological problems". My kid doesn't know ANYTHING about EITHER bio-parent, and she's totally secure and happy, and not at all stressed about not knowing, as are MANY adoptive children with mystery backgrounds..

Or wait and adopt an older child, if you wish more certainty about the child's background.
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  #5  
Old 04-06-2009, 06:19 AM
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Originally Posted by nextwife View Post
Why would he have "psychological problems" from not knowing who his bio parent is? If you do a good job as an adoptive parent, and use proper adoption terminology, and make him secure about his relationship with you, it shouldn't cause "psychological problems". My kid doesn't know ANYTHING about EITHER bio-parent, and she's totally secure and happy, and not at all stressed about not knowing, as are MANY adoptive children with mystery backgrounds..

Or wait and adopt an older child, if you wish more certainty about the child's background.

Because this OP most likely wanted a single race child and having a mixed child does not fit with their pure bred society. I think I am going to puke.

OP, you either love this child or you don't. And if you don't, please do not adopt this child. Seriously. The child deserves much much better than you. Being racist is YOUR issue and should not be visited upon the child. By the way, sometimes people look one way and their genetic background is something different. African Americans have been known in history to PASS as white during segregation and when they have children, the children are born "tan" or "coffee". So who says mom lied? The parents could be exactly who mom believed.
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Last edited by Ohiogal; 04-06-2009 at 06:21 AM.
  #6  
Old 04-06-2009, 08:17 AM
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If there is any doubt in your mind over this babies "ethnicity", please give it to a family who won't give a DAMN, about its "race".....
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  #7  
Old 04-06-2009, 09:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oliveoyl79 View Post
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina
I will do my best to keep this as brief as possible.
My husband and I went through an adoption facilitation agency based in California to be matched with a birthmother for the purpose of adoption. We clearly stated to them what kind of child would be the best fit for our family, verbally and in writing. We were matched with a 17 year old birthmother for an open adoption, who gave birth to a healthy boy. At birth, it was too soon to tell exactly what his ethnicity was, but now, as the baby gets older, (he's ten weeks now) it is very, very obvious that the birthmother lied to us about the baby's father's race on her application, and also lied to our attorney on the legal documents regarding paternity. The match was made based on the false information she provided. Right now, we are thinking about what is best for the baby and our family, and the plan is to finalize the adoption sometime over the next two months. I don't think we will ever hear from the birthmother again. However, we have no medical history on the baby's father, and I don't want him having psychological issues when he gets older about not knowing who hs father is. What should we do? The word "perjury" keeps coming to mind. Can this create problems with finalization? This situation has changed my mind about the merits of open adoption. The adoptive parents seem to have few rights.
ThanksWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
WOW!!! I have to say your post leaves ne extremely sad. The fact that you
are speaking the child not knowing the birthfather and him having issues as he gets older has NOTHING to do with being a mixed race child. it is an excuse you frabricated because you do not like the fact that you now have a mixed race child. You knew beforehand that the birthfather was not in the picture. What changed - oh the color of the child's skin???

And I can speak, as I too adopted a baby (placement at birth) we were also told the baby would be 100% caucasian. As he started to get a bit older, his skin and hair also changed. Clearly he is mixed race and you know what?... I could not love him any more than I do - He is a gorgeous and amazing child and the fact that he is not 100% caucasian...who the hell cares? Obviously you do - so do that child a favor and DON'T finalize the adoption. I am sure there are many couples out there who can give this child the true love he deserves.

Open adoption is a wonderful thing...not sure where you get off...
  #8  
Old 04-06-2009, 10:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oliveoyl79 View Post
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina
I will do my best to keep this as brief as possible.
My husband and I went through an adoption facilitation agency based in California to be matched with a birthmother for the purpose of adoption. We clearly stated to them what kind of child would be the best fit for our family, verbally and in writing. We were matched with a 17 year old birthmother for an open adoption, who gave birth to a healthy boy. At birth, it was too soon to tell exactly what his ethnicity was, but now, as the baby gets older, (he's ten weeks now) it is very, very obvious that the birthmother lied to us about the baby's father's race on her application, and also lied to our attorney on the legal documents regarding paternity. The match was made based on the false information she provided. Right now, we are thinking about what is best for the baby and our family, and the plan is to finalize the adoption sometime over the next two months. I don't think we will ever hear from the birthmother again. However, we have no medical history on the baby's father, and I don't want him having psychological issues when he gets older about not knowing who hs father is. What should we do? The word "perjury" keeps coming to mind. Can this create problems with finalization? This situation has changed my mind about the merits of open adoption. The adoptive parents seem to have few rights.
ThanksWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
If you are so racist and going to treat this child like he is worth less than you and your husband, you need to let someone else adopt him ASAP. He is not safe with "parents" who do not accept him as he is. Shame on you!!
  #9  
Old 04-06-2009, 10:37 AM
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This is a human being.

Not a purebred puppy.

You are sick and I hope you suffer.
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  #10  
Old 04-06-2009, 06:14 PM
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Thank you blue meanie. Your response made the most sense. There are a few details that I did not include for privacy reasons, however, I will tell you that you are quite perceptive. This was a pre-arranged adoption match, so we did not know ahead of time. If the birthmother was not sure who the baby's father was, she could have told us ahead of time.
  #11  
Old 04-06-2009, 06:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oliveoyl79 View Post
Thank you blue meanie. Your response made the most sense. There are a few details that I did not include for privacy reasons, however, I will tell you that you are quite perceptive. This was a pre-arranged adoption match, so we did not know ahead of time. If the birthmother was not sure who the baby's father was, she could have told us ahead of time.
And yet you still reject the child due to his physical characteristic/s that indicate a race other than your own.

I'm with Xylene.
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  #12  
Old 04-06-2009, 09:33 PM
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PLEASE make arrangements to give this child to someone who doesn't care about his "ethnicity" I am sure that there are Caucasion couples and African American couples that are aching to hold that little boy in their arms!
  #13  
Old 04-06-2009, 10:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oliveoyl79 View Post
Thank you blue meanie. Your response made the most sense. There are a few details that I did not include for privacy reasons, however, I will tell you that you are quite perceptive. This was a pre-arranged adoption match, so we did not know ahead of time. If the birthmother was not sure who the baby's father was, she could have told us ahead of time.
So what if she had told you that the dad is either white or black, you would have rejected the child on the chance he MIGHT have had a black father?
This is 2009, lay off the racism, it's very ugly in a person.
  #14  
Old 04-07-2009, 06:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oliveoyl79 View Post
Thank you blue meanie. Your response made the most sense. There are a few details that I did not include for privacy reasons, however, I will tell you that you are quite perceptive. This was a pre-arranged adoption match, so we did not know ahead of time. If the birthmother was not sure who the baby's father was, she could have told us ahead of time.
I have no idea why you are thanking me...All I did was ask if a DNA test was done to establish paternity. And you didn't answer me...
__________________
~A 8 a.m. bus-stop conversation~

"So Lil'Blue...Did you like the DVDs I got for you at the library?"
"Yes...I did!"
"Did you learn any interesting facts about the animals on the movie (Nation Geographic)?"
"Yes...I did learn interesting things!"
"Would you share with me an interesting fact?"
"Wellll....I learned that Naked Mole Rats are WICKED naked!"

~~~~~~~
  #15  
Old 04-07-2009, 10:10 AM
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I have never heard of a DNA test being needed prior to an adoption..I am sure that happens, but I do not think it is the norm at all.

OP - please DO NOT finalize this adoption. It is very clear that your heart can not handle a bi-racial child...I know of three couples that would readily adopt this child tomorrow. Do this child a favor and place him in a family that he willbe loved for who he is not for who you wanted him to be.
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