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problem with bio mother

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mrsbrown

Member
rmet4nzkx said:
Sure you can apply for a restraining order, but it is not likely that one will be issued as there is no threat to this child or you.


This women is now a legal stranger to the child. A stranger. Would you like a stranger coming into your childs school and meeting with them? Despite if the child knew the adult from the past or not it would be upsetting! There is a natural scary feeling with the thought of a adult stranger trying to meet with your child at their school. I would hope that a restraining order would be issued if a stranger approached a young child at school.
 


READYANN

Junior Member
I made a mistake using two posts but I believed that they were two seperate things. My son did not play with the other children, his toys were there and the other kids tore them up in his absence. He came back and saw that they were tore up and had to be informed that the other kids did it. I am not maniputlating anyone here. The bio mom ended up in jail because my son is on K chip medical card and in order to have it we had to get her to pay child support, and when she did not pay the child support the state pressed charges of felony non support two charges. We were not even aware she was in jail till she called us. We did not force her to terminate, she was not even a part of his life for years. We did not tear him away from the bio gp, you know as a parent when your child is upset and when situations are not good for your child. The biogp visits were upsetting and hurtful to him. Why keep hurting him when he has been through enough.I am being brutefully honest here. I do not want smiley face answers but truthful. And I can get a restraining order, I did find out today. I do not have issues with bio mom except that I want to protect my son until he is old enough to grasp everything and right now is not the time. Bio mom has her own life and we have ours.
 

mrsbrown

Member
Readyann

You don't need to defend yourself. If the biomom had cared about her child she would have made the effort to pay child support. Not only to avoid legal actions but to do the right thing and care for her child. The state did the right thing and punished her for her actions. She got a taste of what life was going to be like for her and she gave up her rights. End of story. Like you said you have your life and she has hers....she choose to live her life this way and she choose to not support and in the end abandon your son. Treat her like you would any other stranger. When the child is old enough he will talk to you about what he wants as far as contact with her or her relatives. I probably would have posted 2 seperate posts also. One was about her and one was about grandparents rights...where you posted it. Sometimes people on here make it lose/lose. If you had posted them together they would have whined that you needed to address the issues in the appropriate area. Good luck!
 

READYANN

Junior Member
Thanks so much for the support. What a crazy world we live in ya know. Yes I am outraged that a total stranger ie bio mom could walk into the school and inflict more harm then he needed. School is suppose to be a safe place and she violated it. Makes me just want to homeschool real bad, but my kids need the socail atmosphere. ya know
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
READYANN said:
I want to protect my son until he is old enough to grasp everything and right now is not the time. Bio mom has her own life and we have ours.
I am totally with you on this. I am the bio parent of my children and I realize that even though my children's step-parent has adopted them, with valid and good reasons it never erases biology...BUT.. as a parent it is your job to make sure they are safe, secure and happy during these important minor years. I have promised my children that once they are 18 or over and they want to find their bio parent I will help them. They will want answers. They will want to know why the other bio chose to walk away while someone who had nothing to do with their conception chose to take on the responsibility of them willingly. I believe that step-parent adoptions can be harder on a child as generally they are done when the child is older and so they obviously know but they also see a bio that has stuck around. I'm not saying that adoptions can't be hard on children, it's just my opinion these could be harder. My oldest son told me years before the adoption that he didn't want to do it because he was scared if his last name was changed his bio couldn't find him (he later changed his mind without pressure). Kids need to know they are safe and that all they have to worry about is school and friends, not wether someone is going to show up out of the blue and turn their lives upside down because they have now chosen to be a parent.

OP.. I would definately seriously consider the restraining order if things continue. In our case I have two folders of documentation from before and after the adoption. I will always keep this because the bio in my case will try to manipulate the children saying he did't know where they were, how to reach them, how he always paid support.. etc... any lie he can to drag them in. I have the documentation to prove differently and at 11 and 14 I'm very honest with them. If they have a question, which seldom happens, they know I have the answer right there and I always will to back me up.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
READYANN said:
Thanks so much for the support. What a crazy world we live in ya know. Yes I am outraged that a total stranger ie bio mom could walk into the school and inflict more harm then he needed. School is suppose to be a safe place and she violated it. Makes me just want to homeschool real bad, but my kids need the socail atmosphere. ya know

I'm curious to know the excuse the school made about this woman being allowed into the school not only just herself but also with other children!
 

READYANN

Junior Member
Someone on the same wavelength I have all the court papers all the paperwork also. I want to be honest when he is old enough to understand and be able to work through it. There is alot of yuck that goes along with being a step parent then adoptive parent. Did you have probs with the biogp?
 

READYANN

Junior Member
SHe lied about her name and took her new husband with her to school where he has a cousin and told the school they were there to see the cousin. The school said that they didn't know but now they do, they have video of her and her family plus a photo that the teachers, and office are on the lookout for. Plus I have spoke to all personel at the school and made this aware to them.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
READYANN said:
Someone on the same wavelength I have all the court papers all the paperwork also. I want to be honest when he is old enough to understand and be able to work through it. There is alot of yuck that goes along with being a step parent then adoptive parent. Did you have probs with the biogp?
No! Thankfully. My ex's father died when he was young and his mother wants to play the game he does. They go around in their town telling people what an evil person I am and how I ruined his life and took his children away. GP did call bio's sister (who we DO still have contact with BTW) a few years ago (before the adoption) and mentioned something about suing for grandparents rights. I was pretty hot about it and told her over my dead body basically and informed her that she would have to prove that she had been a vital part of my children's lives which she couldn't do. I have no fear that bio will tell the children when they are older that he knew nothing of the adoption even though it's been proven that he did. My bio gave up his kids for money also. He had not been denied contact due to support but would never contact unless the state found him by some miricle. Then he would contact. He would pay for about 3 weeks before quitting a job or whatever and then no contact again for a year or how ever long it took the state to get him again. The state had set up a hearing every 3 months for over 2 years to serve him for court but could never get him served (so of course he never contacted... last contact was 4-2002, initiated by me... last contact before that was 7-2001). Our adoption was final June 25th and less then a month later he was in court for the $25,000 he owed in arrears. I haven't spoken with him to know for sure but it's my belief that he figured he didn't owe the arrears (which I wasn't pressing for and would of dropped if he would of contested) since the children were adopted. He figured wrong. It became a simple debt and I have recieved 60$ nearly every two weeks since Oct.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
READYANN said:
SHe lied about her name and took her new husband with her to school where he has a cousin and told the school they were there to see the cousin. The school said that they didn't know but now they do, they have video of her and her family plus a photo that the teachers, and office are on the lookout for. Plus I have spoke to all personel at the school and made this aware to them.

Good and as I said earlier, if you get a restraining order, make sure they have a copy.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
rmet4nzkx said:
People come here all the time looking for affirmation and don't provide an accurate account of the facts, that is what happened here. OP tried to manipulate the advice and information by splitting it into 2 separate threads even though the issues were linked. Please read all of OP posts. This is not a child who was abandoned by his mother and grandparents, it is a child who is caught in the middle of parent's issues. I look at the issues, objectively and at the long term outcomes. Several of the other posters have their own agendas and posted as expected. I have responded equally to both natural and step parents, male and female custodial parents, I don't show favorites.
Rmet, for someone who is such a stickler for the letter of the law, it really floors me that you are treating this as if its a dispute between parents. The child has been ADOPTED.

The school broke the law when they allowed contact between the child and a legal stranger.

Quite frankly the past isn't even relevant here.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
Rmet, for someone who is such a stickler for the letter of the law, it really floors me that you are treating this as if its a dispute between parents. The child has been ADOPTED.

The school broke the law when they allowed contact between the child and a legal stranger.

Quite frankly the past isn't even relevant here.
An adoption under duress, why because dad puts the child on State medic-aid, so mom ends up in jail so she has to make a choice between giving up one child and taking care of others? SOunds like the Soloman story. The grandparents are denied visitation after it is established because a pre-teen is upset younger siblings may break some toys, in the hopes that they won't get grandparnets rights through the courts? You don't think the judge won't ask why the visitations stopped? The child's response is a non-age appropriate response. Let alone what we are not told. I'm looking at the who picture and possible mitigating circumstances. The judge will look at it all. I still strongly suggest this child be evaluated and possibly some counseling or socialization skills.
 

TNBSMommy

Member
rmet4nzkx
And just how did she end up in jail for non payment of child support in the first place so that she had to TPR to get out to care for her other children?
Probably when she refused to support her child,she was brought in to court by the CP, where a judge(hm, op, were you the judge?) sentenced her to jail... a situation brought on the bio SOLELY by the bio... the op couldn't take her to court, the father had to do that, and had every right to.
 

READYANN

Junior Member
Well I know how biogp's can be about spreading the news about us. They play the sympathy card to anyone who will listen but that is all they care about. I think that biogp's should make sure the child's best interest are always in view because word of mouth gets around and it is not wise to try to rebutt what they said to the child but try to let them know people say things they don't mean. Yes the school did make a big boo boo and I am honestly wondering if a public school is best for my children. How could this happen and me find out about it later. The principal did call and let me know what had transpired. This was very upsetting to my child and me.
 

READYANN

Junior Member
My husband had no choice to put my son on state medicaid, he was paying for a divorce and raising a son on his own with no help. The state takes care of non support. My son is almost a teen not quite and kids in adolescence still play with toys whether it be a playstation gamecube or lego's. He is fine and does not need socialization.
 
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