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  1. #1
    READYANN is offline Junior Member
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    problem with bio mother

    What is the name of your state?ky I adopted my stepson three years ago and all has been well. Last week his bio mother snuck into his school to see him and upset him greatly. She brought along her other children and introduced them. She was never a part of his life she left when he was 2 and has another life. She terminated her rights after being in jail for non support and now is trying to get back in. Can she do this? Do i have a legal leg to stand on for her coming to his school?
  2. #2
    crystaly is offline Member
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    I'm not sure what you can do about the bio mom visiting him except inform the school that this is not exceptable and maybe get a restraining order. But you do have every right to not want her around. Once a parent has terminated their rights to a child they no longer are a parent and you should be able to stop all of this from happening. But remember the best interest of the child. If the child is old enough to know more about his/her bio parent then it might be a good idea to make some arangements. If he/she is not old enough to handle it yet then I would definately seek a legal restraining order.
  3. #3
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by READYANN
    What is the name of your state?ky I adopted my stepson three years ago and all has been well. Last week his bio mother snuck into his school to see him and upset him greatly. She brought along her other children and introduced them. She was never a part of his life she left when he was 2 and has another life. She terminated her rights after being in jail for non support and now is trying to get back in. Can she do this? Do i have a legal leg to stand on for her coming to his school?
    You really need to combine your two threads as they are related
    [url]http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=230361[/url]

    Now there is more going on here than you are telling us or you wouldn't have split these issues apart and obviously if you were involved with terminating her parential rights she and her parents are not going to agree with you. Legalities aside, the child has a right to know his relatives and family, just because you and his biomom may have issues doesn't mean this child doesn't have a right to know his siblings or grandparents. The best interest of the child is at stake here not a cat fight between two women.
  4. #4
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Wait a minute....legally the bio-mother is a legal stranger to the child and so are her other children. While the right of a grandparent to sue for visitation DOES survive stepparent adoption in KY, unless the grandparents have been actively involved in the child's life during the last three years the grandparent won't get anywhere at this point with a visitation suit....because the grandparent does not have an established relationship with the child.

    The school broke all kinds of laws by allowing the biological mother to have contact with the child. The parents need to hammer the school on that issue. Even if the grandparents COULD win a visitation suit (and again there is virtually no chance) the grandparents CANNOT use that visitation to establish a relationship between the child and the biological mother. That is a HUGE no-no.

    No, the biological mother cannot re-establish any rights. The child has been adopted. The parents have every legal right to protect their family. When the child is a legal adult if the child wants to establish a relationship with the biological maternal family the child will have the right to do so. Until that point its totally up to his legal parents.
  5. #5
    READYANN is offline Junior Member
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    reply to

    ky. I didn't think to relate the two.I had nothing to do with her signing away. It was her decision she called from jail and told us to drop the charges of child support and she would sign off. It had been years since she had even been part of his life. As for the grandparents it is hard for him to see them without the reminder of her and her kids. His toys get broken over there due to her other kids. The grandparent's were involved for the first 4 years of his life, then it got sporadic. The last year there was no contact and then when they started back my son was very depressed and then all contact was halted.
  6. #6
    tigger22472 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ
    Wait a minute....legally the bio-mother is a legal stranger to the child and so are her other children. While the right of a grandparent to sue for visitation DOES survive stepparent adoption in KY, unless the grandparents have been actively involved in the child's life during the last three years the grandparent won't get anywhere at this point with a visitation suit....because the grandparent does not have an established relationship with the child.

    The school broke all kinds of laws by allowing the biological mother to have contact with the child. The parents need to hammer the school on that issue. Even if the grandparents COULD win a visitation suit (and again there is virtually no chance) the grandparents CANNOT use that visitation to establish a relationship between the child and the biological mother. That is a HUGE no-no.

    No, the biological mother cannot re-establish any rights. The child has been adopted. The parents have every legal right to protect their family. When the child is a legal adult if the child wants to establish a relationship with the biological maternal family the child will have the right to do so. Until that point its totally up to his legal parents.

    Thank you LDiJ... you are exactly right and I'm glad you typed it all out before I did..LOL

    OP, first start with the school. Let them know their security there is severely lacking and ask them how they would of prevented this 'legal stranger' from taking this child from the school. Then go to your local courthouse and see about obtaining a restraining order against bio-mom. Once you have that in hand, make a copy and also take that to the school.

    As LDiJ after a step-parent adoption grandparents still have the right to sue but they won't get anywhere if they can not prove they have had a significant relationship with the child and that it's in the child's best interest. if need be have them added to the restraining order.

    My husband adopted my two children last summer after no contact with bio in over 3 years. We have discussed issues about when to allow bio to be in their lives if he were to crawl out from under his rock, which amazingly he did after the adoption was final. I am fortunate that the bio in my case lives over a hour away and could not find his way to my house. My kids have been warned that if he were to ever find out where they did go to school and for some reason DID show up and got into the school that they were NOT to leave with him. When my ex did contact it was to send ONE of my kids a birthday card (I realize they have b'days at different times, the reason I said ONE is that it never fails the state finds him for back support around this child's b'day and he gets cards while the other doesn't. Usually he's not paying by the 3 months the other one rolls around though). I did show my child the card, however, I had scanned it on my computer before hand and honestly I blacked out some of the things the ex said in the card. I sat both children down and explained why I thought it was happening and that if he were to ever send anything else it would go into my file and kept until they asked after the age of 18.

    I believe in situations like this the children need to concentrate on being children, their school, their friends, their family, sports... etc... They don't need to worry if someone is going to come in and turn their world upside down.
  7. #7
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ
    Wait a minute....legally the bio-mother is a legal stranger to the child and so are her other children. While the right of a grandparent to sue for visitation DOES survive stepparent adoption in KY, unless the grandparents have been actively involved in the child's life during the last three years the grandparent won't get anywhere at this point with a visitation suit....because the grandparent does not have an established relationship with the child.

    The school broke all kinds of laws by allowing the biological mother to have contact with the child. The parents need to hammer the school on that issue. Even if the grandparents COULD win a visitation suit (and again there is virtually no chance) the grandparents CANNOT use that visitation to establish a relationship between the child and the biological mother. That is a HUGE no-no.

    No, the biological mother cannot re-establish any rights. The child has been adopted. The parents have every legal right to protect their family. When the child is a legal adult if the child wants to establish a relationship with the biological maternal family the child will have the right to do so. Until that point its totally up to his legal parents.

    I agree fully. The school was absolutely in the wrong for allowing this contact! My school would never have allowed such a thing to happen. And school is not the place for this, anyway.

    It is entirely at the discretion of the child's parents how and when they want their adopted child to interact with their biofamily after adoption. NOBODY else has the right to make decisions like this for THEIR child. They are the ones that know their child, thus it is they who set the ground rules for any bioparent/child interaction. NO legal stranger has any right to waltz into a child's school and see them.


    It is not the bioparents place to decide when such meetings may occur. THis is something this child's parents ALONE have the right to decide (other than a CO for GP or other visitation). When the child becomes a legal adult, it's a different story.
    Last edited by nextwife; 03-14-2005 at 06:58 PM.
  8. #8
    READYANN is offline Junior Member
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    i know

    This is what I feel about the whole situation. The school has been talked to and it will not happen again. Can I really get a restraining order?
  9. #9
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Sure you can apply for a restraining order, but it is not likely that one will be issued as there is no threat to this child or you. You forced the mother to sign away her rights under duress. The child knows his bio mom, grandparents and siblings. You have won this battle, but in the longrun you will lose the war. This is not a mother who abandoned her child or who's grandparents didn't have contact, you and your husband have as much responsibility as she, in all that lead up to this situation. Toys get broken when children play together, toys get broken when children play alone, they are toys, not a reason to prevent a relationship with siblings just because you have personal issues with the mother. If you have problems with toys getting broken, then have supervised visitation without going to court and creating a stressful environment. Don't say bad things to the child about his mother, grandparents and siblings, he is too young to understand the ecconomics of his adoption. There are two sides to everything. Put yourself in her shoes and see where you might be a few years down the line, or is that a part of your insecurity? Get some counseling, perhaps you can help creat a win win situation. You won the big prize afterall didn't you?
  10. #10
    READYANN is offline Junior Member
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    what?

    We did force the mother to sign away. She called us and offered she was not even part of his life years before this. She did not call visit write or so on to him and that hurt him badly. We were relieved when she did call to terminate because it meant we could be a whole family and not deal with the step parent thing. I raised him for 9 years and felt he was my own. The grandparent's were in and out of his life, and it was just not about toys. My child know's that the grandparent's are very active in the other children's life and that hurts him because he knows they are not in his life. This has nothing to do with me, I am trying to protect an inoccent child from people who do not have his best interest in heart. I live with him daily and see how it affects him when he did see his grandparents, and how peaceful he was when he did not see them. He is such a happy child almost a teenager now, and my husband alway look out for his and our other children's needs.
  11. #11
    READYANN is offline Junior Member
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    We do not discuss these issues in front of our children, that would be wrong and my child does not hear negative things from us. The bio gp fill him with untruthes. I have put myself in her shoes, she was too yound to understand what parenting entailed and understood that the child had a better chance at being happy with us. That is what she told my husband that he would be better with us. As for the school visit, I don't understand it but she has no right to disrupt his life. I look down the line and know we did the best we could, and helped my son all we could.
  12. #12
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by READYANN
    We did force the mother to sign away. She called us and offered she was not even part of his life years before this. She did not call visit write or so on to him and that hurt him badly. We were relieved when she did call to terminate because it meant we could be a whole family and not deal with the step parent thing. I raised him for 9 years and felt he was my own. The grandparent's were in and out of his life, and it was just not about toys. My child know's that the grandparent's are very active in the other children's life and that hurts him because he knows they are not in his life. This has nothing to do with me, I am trying to protect an inoccent child from people who do not have his best interest in heart. I live with him daily and see how it affects him when he did see his grandparents, and how peaceful he was when he did not see them. He is such a happy child almost a teenager now, and my husband alway look out for his and our other children's needs.
    And just how did she end up in jail for non payment of child support in the first place so that she had to TPR to get out to care for her other children? You waffle back and forth about the grandparents involvement and that of the sibilings? You said the your son was upset because his toys got broken when playing with his toys at the grandparent's house with his siblings, If he is almost a teenager, that is very immature reaction to play with younger siblings. There is something wrong with everything you are telling us, that's all. Please think about allowing the child you adopted to have all the love there is for him. Allow him to build relationships with his family members and not develop such a closed and restrictive family unit, lack of appropriate socialization can lead to future problems. You might even want to get him evaluated if he has such immature reactions to his sibilings.
  13. #13
    mrsbrown is offline Member
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    Good luck READYANN

    What a uncomfortable situation. I have no legal advice to give you but did want you to hear a POSTITIVE responce. You have every right to be concerned...you are the mother now despite whatever happened in the past. Don't second guess your reactions just because you are the adoptive mother. And don't pay attention to negative post. A few of the members have something against step-moms and in your case adoptive moms.

    Good luck!
  14. #14
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsbrown
    What a uncomfortable situation. I have no legal advice to give you but did want you to hear a POSTITIVE responce. You have every right to be concerned...you are the mother now despite whatever happened in the past. Don't second guess your reactions just because you are the adoptive mother. And don't pay attention to negative post. A few of the members have something against step-moms and in your case adoptive moms.

    Good luck!
    People come here all the time looking for affirmation and don't provide an accurate account of the facts, that is what happened here. OP tried to manipulate the advice and information by splitting it into 2 separate threads even though the issues were linked. Please read all of OP posts. This is not a child who was abandoned by his mother and grandparents, it is a child who is caught in the middle of parent's issues. I look at the issues, objectively and at the long term outcomes. Several of the other posters have their own agendas and posted as expected. I have responded equally to both natural and step parents, male and female custodial parents, I don't show favorites.
  15. #15
    mrsbrown is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by rmet4nzkx
    People come here all the time looking for affirmation and don't provide an accurate account of the facts, that is what happened here. OP tried to manipulate the advice and information by splitting it into 2 separate threads even though the issues were linked. Please read all of OP posts. This is not a child who was abandoned by his mother and grandparents, it is a child who is caught in the middle of parent's issues. I look at the issues, objectively and at the long term outcomes. Several of the other posters have their own agendas and posted as expected. I have responded equally to both natural and step parents, male and female custodial parents, I don't show favorites.
    I am not sure how you get manipulation out of this. She probably thought hey two different thoughts...maybe I should do 2 different posts.

    I don't see anything in here that shows she ripped the children out of the loving arms of her mother or grandparents. We don't know why the child is unhappy to be around the grandparents. And it really isn't our business. If the best interest are for the child then why would you want to force him to be around people he feels uncomfortable around? Even if they are or were relatives. Just because someone is related to the child doesn't mean they are necessariliy a good influence in the childs life.

    There are a lot of dead beat mothers out there and I am sure there are no good grandparents as well. Sometimes the title "grandparent" makes you automatically get a warm and fuzzy feeling when in truth they might not be great people. She is the childs mother now and has the right to know who is visiting the child at school or anywhere else.

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