Questions about Stepparent Adoption

[LdiJ]

I see. But what a child wants one day can change the next. I'm not saying that's the case here. My daughter loves my fiance very much and wishes loudly all the time that he were her real daddy. I'm not sure how things will go when I approach her father. He will either say yes to get out of child support, or no because he doesn't want his pride bruised. Does her opinion trump his? I find this hard to believe, but maybe when she's a teenager?

You are misunderstand how it works...Let me try to explain it better. If the child agrees with the adoption the case moves forward, irrelevant of who wins. If the child doesn't agree with the adoption the case doesn't move forward at all. So, its not that the child's opinion trumps her father's opinion, its that the child's opinion trumps YOUR opinion...or both of your opinions if you both agree on the adoption and she doesn't. In other words, in a state where the child's opinion matters, the adoption isn't going to happen if the child doesn't want to be adopted by the person in question, no matter what the adults want.

 

[I'mTheFather]

They do when it comes to adoption. Adoption is a completely different thing than custody or visitation. Adoption is permanent. Once an adoption happens the child becomes that person's son or daughter for the rest of their life. Courts like to make sure that this is something that the child actually wants, and its not being forced upon the child.

The caseworker will interview the child. It's not as simple as asking the child's preference.

 

[I'mTheFather]

I guess there is one more thing that I'm not clear on. Let's say that her father agrees to give her up for adoption, do we HAVE to wait a year? What I'm asking is, is if everyone is in agreement, does the court ponder the issue and do what THEY think is in the best interest of the child? Or do the parties involved have total control over an adoption?

You will be hard-pressed to find a judge who will grant a step-parent adoption without being married for a year.

If the father objects, you will also have to show that he's been absent for 2 years. So, if he objects, you have lots of time to satisfy the 1 year of marriage.

Were you married to the father? Does he have joint legal custody?

 

[Ladyback1]

The caseworker will interview the child. It's not as simple as asking the child's preference.

While I realize that is probably the case in most states/jurisdictions, it is not in Montana.

If you want a stepparent adoption, Montana is probably the easiest state to do it in.
The legal forms are on line, and as long as everyone is in agreement (kids over 14 even have a statement that they sign saying they want this), there is no caseworker.
So, establish residency in Montana, if you want a stepparent adoption!

 

[stealth2]

Yes. I understand. A friend mentioned that my daughter's opinion would have an effect on the court's decision. She wants to be adopted, but I didn't think that a child's "wants" had any weight in court. What is the verdict on this?

Why would I ask her if she wants to go to school? I never implied that I was leaving the matter up to her. I was under the impression that under no circumstances in any custody case did the child have a say in the matter. I thought that was a sort of urban legend, that the kids get to pick who they live with etc.. I understand that the adoptive parent is now the legal parent. My question was, if everyone agrees with the goings on, can the court still rule against it for whatever reasons they may see fit. It was just a curiosity.

The point being, why would one (not necessarily YOU) ask a child if they wanted to be adopted if they would not ask for input on other important live activities.

And adoption is not a custody case. Different animals. In any event - you need a lawyer.

 

[Zigner]

While I realize that is probably the case in most states/jurisdictions, it is not in Montana.

...which of course doesn't make the slightest bit of difference to our MICHIGAN OP

 

[stealth2]

While I realize that is probably the case in most states/jurisdictions, it is not in Montana.

If you want a stepparent adoption, Montana is probably the easiest state to do it in.
The legal forms are on line, and as long as everyone is in agreement (kids over 14 even have a statement that they sign saying they want this), there is no caseworker.
So, establish residency in Montana, if you want a stepparent adoption!

How does Montana enter OP's picture? OH yeah - it doesn't. Mom would need Dad's okay - or the court's - to move the kids prior to moving/establishing residence.

 

[armouredone]

The point being, why would one (not necessarily YOU) ask a child if they wanted to be adopted if they would not ask for input on other important live activities.

And adoption is not a custody case. Different animals. In any event - you need a lawyer.

I didn't just outright ask her. She brought it up. She said she wants my fiance to be her "real" dad, and she wants the same last name as us. She asked if that could happen and I told her the only way was if she were adopted. I also explained to her that if that were to happen that her father would not legally be her father. I am also fine with her father still being a part of her life if she is adopted. It's a complicated situation. If he were to get control of his alcoholism I would be fine with unsupervised visits. Since he is ALWAYS under the influence of alcohol and sometimes also marijuana, I am not okay with him having her alone. He doesn't want to see her if he has to have a supervisor. So, she has barely seen him since we split up almost six years ago. We were never married. He wasn't even interested in going to court to become her legal father, he was bribed with money by his parents because they thought that would get them "grandparent" rights.

I feel like an adoption would be good for my daughter because my fiance is a responsible, well-educated man, and a very loving father. So, even if we WERE to get divorced (which I don't predict happening) down the road, my daughter would still have what she deserves-a loving father who doesn't let her down at every chance.

To answer other questions, her dad has joint legal custody, and I have sole physical custody, with him having supervised visits, as previously mentioned. He never sees her because he doesn't want to be supervised. He will not get help for his drinking so that he can have unsupervised visits.

Thanks to all who helped answer my questions. I really had no idea how this worked, or that we should wait a year, consult with a lawyer etc..

 

[I'mTheFather]

I didn't just outright ask her. She brought it up. She said she wants my fiance to be her "real" dad, and she wants the same last name as us. She asked if that could happen and I told her the only way was if she were adopted. I also explained to her that if that were to happen that her father would not legally be her father. I am also fine with her father still being a part of her life if she is adopted. It's a complicated situation. If he were to get control of his alcoholism I would be fine with unsupervised visits. Since he is ALWAYS under the influence of alcohol and sometimes also marijuana, I am not okay with him having her alone. He doesn't want to see her if he has to have a supervisor. So, she has barely seen him since we split up almost six years ago. We were never married. He wasn't even interested in going to court to become her legal father, he was bribed with money by his parents because they thought that would get them "grandparent" rights.

I feel like an adoption would be good for my daughter because my fiance is a responsible, well-educated man, and a very loving father. So, even if we WERE to get divorced (which I don't predict happening) down the road, my daughter would still have what she deserves-a loving father who doesn't let her down at every chance.

To answer other questions, her dad has joint legal custody, and I have sole physical custody, with him having supervised visits, as previously mentioned. He never sees her because he doesn't want to be supervised. He will not get help for his drinking so that he can have unsupervised visits.

Thanks to all who helped answer my questions. I really had no idea how this worked, or that we should wait a year, consult with a lawyer etc..

Unless the father agrees to relinquish his rights, you may have a very difficult time going ahead with a stepparent adoption.

 

[armouredone]

Unless the father agrees to relinquish his rights, you may have a very difficult time going ahead with a stepparent adoption.

I guess that brings up another question. I thought that it wouldn't be able to happen at all if he didn't agree. Can this happen without his consent? Also, what if he says "sure go ahead," do we still have to wait a year? I don't mind waiting a year, I just don't understand why we would have to if all parties agree, unless it's whoever at the court that makes the final decision.

I hope I don't sound like a dummy. I'm a chemist, not a lawyer! LOL

 

[I'mTheFather]

I guess that brings up another question. I thought that it wouldn't be able to happen at all if he didn't agree. Can this happen without his consent? Also, what if he says "sure go ahead," do we still have to wait a year? I don't mind waiting a year, I just don't understand why we would have to if all parties agree, unless it's whoever at the court that makes the final decision.

I hope I don't sound like a dummy. I'm a chemist, not a lawyer! LOL

If he agrees, you will still have the hurdle of finding a judge who would waive that one year. Very unlikely.

If he doesn't agree, then after 2 years of no contact or support, you can file to terminate his rights.
However, the Michigan Supreme Court reversed a ruling last year to terminate a father's rights because the father had joint legal custody.

So, if dad doesn't consent, don't count on it happening.

 

[armouredone]

If he agrees, you will still have the hurdle of finding a judge who would waive that one year. Very unlikely.

If he doesn't agree, then after 2 years of no contact or support, you can file to terminate his rights.
However, the Michigan Supreme Court reversed a ruling last year to terminate a father's rights because the father had joint legal custody.

So, if dad doesn't consent, don't count on it happening.

Gotcha-many thanks!