Questions about Stepparent Adoption

[armouredone]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

I am getting married next week. We would like for my fiance to adopt my daughter. What steps do we need to take? Do we have to be married for a specific amount of time? Her father currently has supervised visitation (he's an alcoholic), but has not seen her in over six months because he doesn't want to be supervised. We would like to give him the option of letting my fiance adopt her. She is eight years old. Any insight would be appreciated. Please advise if you need further information.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

I am getting married next week. We would like for my fiance to adopt my daughter. What steps do we need to take? Do we have to be married for a specific amount of time? Her father currently has supervised visitation (he's an alcoholic), but has not seen her in over six months because he doesn't want to be supervised. We would like to give him the option of letting my fiance adopt her. She is eight years old. Any insight would be appreciated. Please advise if you need further information.

You should keep an eye out on your pronouns


MOM should approach the child's father about this. That's the place to start.

 

[armouredone]

You should keep an eye out on your pronouns


MOM should approach the child's father about this. That's the place to start.

Oh and I tried SO HARD to get the pronouns right! Ugh. You're right, we would like to have her adopted, but I want to give her father the option. I don't know if a lawyer is needed, about the waiting time, etc.. Details...

 

[Zigner]

Oh and I tried SO HARD to get the pronouns right! Ugh. You're right, we would like to have her adopted, but I want to give her father the option. I don't know if a lawyer is needed, about the waiting time, etc.. Details...

Yes, an attorney is always advisable in this situation. You will want to wait at least a year (not a requirement, but a firm suggestion). You do understand that if you split up, you could end up paying child support...right?

 

[Proserpina]

Oh and I tried SO HARD to get the pronouns right! Ugh. You're right, we would like to have her adopted, but I want to give her father the option. I don't know if a lawyer is needed, about the waiting time, etc.. Details...

The only time I'd ever suggest that doing it yourselves is a valid option, is when the other parent isn't actually alive.

Otherwise, even the most simple, "everyone agrees", stepparent adoption should involve at least a few visits with a local attorney. You have a father who is "sometimes almost maybe a little bit but not always" interested in parenting his child and while you'd think that'd make things easier it generally makes it worse.

Get married, stay married, and then get yourselves to an attorney.

 

[Zigner]

Oh and I tried SO HARD to get the pronouns right! Ugh. You're right, we would like to have her adopted, but I want to give her father the option. I don't know if a lawyer is needed, about the waiting time, etc.. Details...

Actually, I was referring to the fact that it sounded like you were saying your fiancee was 8 - just made me chuckle

 

[armouredone]

Yes, an attorney is always advisable in this situation. You will want to wait at least a year (not a requirement, but a firm suggestion). You do understand that if you split up, you could end up paying child support...right?

Yes. I understand. A friend mentioned that my daughter's opinion would have an effect on the court's decision. She wants to be adopted, but I didn't think that a child's "wants" had any weight in court. What is the verdict on this?

 

[armouredone]

Actually, I was referring to the fact that it sounded like you were saying your fiancee was 8 - just made me chuckle

Despite my usual eloquence...I am one TIRED mama tonight! LOL I can assure you that I am not trying to marry an eight-year-old girl haha.

 

[CSO286]

Yes. I understand. A friend mentioned that my daughter's opinion would have an effect on the court's decision. She wants to be adopted, but I didn't think that a child's "wants" had any weight in court. What is the verdict on this?

At this age? Not a whit of difference.

In some states they will ask if the child has a preference around age 12, in others, 14. Still on others, there is no places to acknowledge a child's opinion.

 

[armouredone]

At this age? Not a whit of difference.

In some states they will ask if the child has a preference around age 12, in others, 14. Still on others, there is no places to acknowledge a child's opinion.

I didn't think they took a child's preference at all anywhere... Does anyone know about how this works in Michigan?

 

[armouredone]

I guess there is one more thing that I'm not clear on. Let's say that her father agrees to give her up for adoption, do we HAVE to wait a year? What I'm asking is, is if everyone is in agreement, does the court ponder the issue and do what THEY think is in the best interest of the child? Or do the parties involved have total control over an adoption?

 

[stealth2]

I guess there is one more thing that I'm not clear on. Let's say that her father agrees to give her up for adoption, do we HAVE to wait a year? What I'm asking is, is if everyone is in agreement, does the court ponder the issue and do what THEY think is in the best interest of the child? Or do the parties involved have total control over an adoption?

The point of waiting a year (or more) is to help make sure the marriage is likely to last. You need to be aware of the odds regarding that (not great, to be honest). You also need to be aware that if it does not? And your child is adopted? The other parent has the same chance of gaining custody. Is that going to be okay with you?

And do you ask your 8yo if she wants to go to school?

 

[LdiJ]

I didn't think they took a child's preference at all anywhere... Does anyone know about how this works in Michigan?

They do when it comes to adoption. Adoption is a completely different thing than custody or visitation. Adoption is permanent. Once an adoption happens the child becomes that person's son or daughter for the rest of their life. Courts like to make sure that this is something that the child actually wants, and its not being forced upon the child.

 

[armouredone]

The point of waiting a year (or more) is to help make sure the marriage is likely to last. You need to be aware of the odds regarding that (not great, to be honest). You also need to be aware that if it does not? And your child is adopted? The other parent has the same chance of gaining custody. Is that going to be okay with you?

And do you ask your 8yo if she wants to go to school?

Why would I ask her if she wants to go to school? I never implied that I was leaving the matter up to her. I was under the impression that under no circumstances in any custody case did the child have a say in the matter. I thought that was a sort of urban legend, that the kids get to pick who they live with etc.. I understand that the adoptive parent is now the legal parent. My question was, if everyone agrees with the goings on, can the court still rule against it for whatever reasons they may see fit. It was just a curiosity.

 

[armouredone]

They do when it comes to adoption. Adoption is a completely different thing than custody or visitation. Adoption is permanent. Once an adoption happens the child becomes that person's son or daughter for the rest of their life. Courts like to make sure that this is something that the child actually wants, and its not being forced upon the child.

I see. But what a child wants one day can change the next. I'm not saying that's the case here. My daughter loves my fiance very much and wishes loudly all the time that he were her real daddy. I'm not sure how things will go when I approach her father. He will either say yes to get out of child support, or no because he doesn't want his pride bruised. Does her opinion trump his? I find this hard to believe, but maybe when she's a teenager?