Scared for the baby

[hennessey1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I am 26 and 7 months pregnant. My boyfriend, the baby's father, is not with me right now. Because of his drug use & control issues, I left him a month ago. Since then, he has filed domestic violence charges against me, saying I came back and hit him. I covered for him once before when he hit me, and I have a misdemeanor on my record. Right now I am facing felony charges. There are no witnesses.

He is threatening me to take the baby away after it is born. He has broken into my e-mail account & made it look like I had been talking to him so I would break my bond and get it revoked. He also has threatened that if I don't call him, he'll go to the prosecutor to get my bond revoked.

I left him a month ago to try to get away from his craziness, but it's escalated beyond belief.

I really fear for the baby's safety with him- he has a daughter that he sees every other weekend, but only when he's not using. I cannot prove he is an unfit father, but I know in my heart he cannot raise this baby alone if he is able to get custody. I believe adoption is best- that way I will not be around him any longer & he will no longer be able to hold things over my head to control me. His control has gotten me in a lot of trouble, and I fear that if I continue to have contact with him once this felony case is over, I will continue to have my life controlled by him.

I know this sounds horrible, but is there any way I can give this baby up for adoption before paternity is established? The father is not allowed at the hospital, due to the fact that the bond says I am to have no contact with the victim. He won't even know when I am giving birth, because I am not allowed to call him. (I wasn't planning on it anyway.) I do not want to sign over my parental rights to the father either, since that is what he wants.

Please help. Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by hennessey1

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I am 26 and 7 months pregnant. My boyfriend, the baby's father, is not with me right now. Because of his drug use & control issues, I left him a month ago. Since then, he has filed domestic violence charges against me, saying I came back and hit him. I covered for him once before when he hit me, and I have a misdemeanor on my record. Right now I am facing felony charges. There are no witnesses.

He is threatening me to take the baby away after it is born. He has broken into my e-mail account & made it look like I had been talking to him so I would break my bond and get it revoked. He also has threatened that if I don't call him, he'll go to the prosecutor to get my bond revoked.

I left him a month ago to try to get away from his craziness, but it's escalated beyond belief.

I really fear for the baby's safety with him- he has a daughter that he sees every other weekend, but only when he's not using. I cannot prove he is an unfit father, but I know in my heart he cannot raise this baby alone if he is able to get custody. I believe adoption is best- that way I will not be around him any longer & he will no longer be able to hold things over my head to control me. His control has gotten me in a lot of trouble, and I fear that if I continue to have contact with him once this felony case is over, I will continue to have my life controlled by him.

I know this sounds horrible, but is there any way I can give this baby up for adoption before paternity is established? The father is not allowed at the hospital, due to the fact that the bond says I am to have no contact with the victim. He won't even know when I am giving birth, because I am not allowed to call him. (I wasn't planning on it anyway.) I do not want to sign over my parental rights to the father either, since that is what he wants.

Please help. Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

No.

You will need dad's consent - and that means paternity must be established.

What exactly happened that you are facing felony dv charges? What is the allegation?

[hennessey1]

He said I came back to the apartment we shared from the place I moved to and we fought and I hit him. I am currently on probation from when I covered for him the first time. (I wrote an affidavit that said I instigated the fight. It said nothing of me hitting him. They charged me with assault, which is why this time it's a felony.) I don't really have a good defense because my cousin and I were sitting in the dining room of my aunt's house (where I moved to) before I went to my anger management class (a result of my misdemeanor). My ex-boyfriend knows when my anger management class is and used that as a sort of time-frame for when this happened.

What if I leave the baby in the hospital and just leave? I know this makes me sound so awful, but this man has really screwed up my life. I am trying to make the best decision...

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by hennessey1

He said I came back to the apartment we shared from the place I moved to and we fought and I hit him. I am currently on probation from when I covered for him the first time. (I wrote an affidavit that said I instigated the fight. It said nothing of me hitting him. They charged me with assault, which is why this time it's a felony.) I don't really have a good defense because my cousin and I were sitting in the dining room of my aunt's house (where I moved to) before I went to my anger management class (a result of my misdemeanor). My ex-boyfriend knows when my anger management class is and used that as a sort of time-frame for when this happened.

What if I leave the baby in the hospital and just leave? I know this makes me sound so awful, but this man has really screwed up my life. I am trying to make the best decision...

He hasn't screwed up your life - your choices got you to where you are today. Don't put the blame anywhere else.


You can't prove that Dad is unfit to parent, so if he does file to establish paternity, custody and child support he's going to stand a pretty good chance of at least joint legal custody with ample visitation - if you are convicted a second time his chances improve.

So why is him sharing his child such a bad thing? Bad enough for you to abandon your child in case he gets custody?

[tiggergirl9]

Just to add some information...there are Safe Harbor protections in place allowing OP to leave child anonymously at a hospital or fire station within a time period after birth with no penalty. Should she take advantage of this protection, I'm unsure why the father would ever become involved if indeed she gave birth and left the child at another Safe Harbor location.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by tiggergirl9

Just to add some information...there are Safe Harbor protections in place allowing OP to leave child anonymously at a hospital or fire station within a time period after birth with no penalty. Should she take advantage of this protection, I'm unsure why the father would ever become involved if indeed she gave birth and left the child at another Safe Harbor location.

Maybe because OP is 7 months pregnant and she only left him a month ago? And he's already making threats about custody? And has given NO indication that he doesn't want to be involved? He might just want to be involved with his child. He could, of course, be a complete deadbeat too and never bother. But that's not the impression I'm getting, y'know?

OP is the one with the restraining order against her and OP has said herself that she cannot prove that he's unfit. He has done NOTHING wrong (at least legally) at this time. He's obviously fit enough to enjoy visitation with his other child.

Please, understand how easy it is to perceive it this way:

OP is punishing Dad. She'd rather give up the child completely than have the child's father involved. This is revenge for him filing a restraining order and pressing charges. It's nothing more than retaliation. Getting even.

(and before anybody gets all outraged, this is only one example of how this can be perceived).

SafeHaven was never meant to be a means of punishment of one parent by the other.

From OP:

I believe adoption is best- that way I will not be around him any longer & he will no longer be able to hold things over my head to control me.

There is one very simple answer to this. Give over custody to Dad. You're thinking of adoption and/or abandonment anyway which would mean you are willing to relinquish your own rights - why not just terminate your own and let Dad have custody? He'll never be able to hold anything over your head, or control you.

[tiggergirl9]

Ok Dog, I agree with your points. Can you explain how OP would be able to "give up" her rights to her child without an adoption or legal termination of parental rights? Giving the child to dad and expecting him to establish paternity and custody isn't going to work, that establishes her as mom too. If she truly feels termination of her own parental rights is the only way to sever her ties, how is this even legally possible? Unfortunately, even with father having sole legal and physical custody with no visitation leaves her open to child support orders and continued "ties" to the father.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by tiggergirl9

Ok Dog, I agree with your points. Can you explain how OP would be able to "give up" her rights to her child without an adoption or legal termination of parental rights? Giving the child to dad and expecting him to establish paternity and custody isn't going to work, that establishes her as mom too. If she truly feels termination of her own parental rights is the only way to sever her ties, how is this even legally possible? Unfortunately, even with father having sole legal and physical custody with no visitation leaves her open to child support orders and continued "ties" to the father.

Yup, I know. You're not wrong in what you're saying. That was admittedly wishful thinking on my part.

What I truly find it hard to comprehend is that the animosity towards Dad seems to be stronger than the concern for the child. I could understand if Dad was unfit - but, he's not. I could understand a lot of scenarios leading up to this....but this is boiling down to the fact that Mom would rather give the child up for adoption rather than actually let the child be taken care of by the other parent.

But yes, I do know that it's not feasible.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Dogmatique

Yup, I know. You're not wrong in what you're saying. That was admittedly wishful thinking on my part.

What I truly find it hard to comprehend is that the animosity towards Dad seems to be stronger than the concern for the child. I could understand if Dad was unfit - but, he's not. I could understand a lot of scenarios leading up to this....but this is boiling down to the fact that Mom would rather give the child up for adoption rather than actually let the child be taken care of by the other parent.

But yes, I do know that it's not feasible.

She has another thread that explains more graphically the problems she is dealing with, with the putative father.

The situation is a bit more complex and serious that it appears on this thread.

Its not animosity towards dad. Its a real fear for her own future safety if she has to have any tie at all to dad. Even if she were certain that the child would be safe with dad, which she is not, allowing dad to have custody ties her to dad.

I think that the fact that she is willing to give up the child for adoption speaks volumes a to her fear for her own safety.

[Proserpina]

I have read the other thread. Perhaps I'm seeing it differently from you.

All I can do at this point is suggest that OP keep consulting with her attorney.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Dogmatique

I have read the other thread. Perhaps I'm seeing it differently from you.

All I can do at this point is suggest that OP keep consulting with her attorney.

Obviously we are seeing it differently.

Anyone who is willing to inflict physcial damage on themselves in order to make a false police report against someone else, is, in my opinion, a serious danger.

You cannot read the news and not see that some parents really lose it and destroy themselves and the children. Of course its rare, but that does not mean that other parent hasn't come here for adivce.

A couple of years ago a man in my state took his child up in a small plane, (he had a pilot license) and crashed the plane into his mother in law's home, killing himself and the child.