Step-Parent Adoption

[Lisha]

What is the name of your state? Indiana
I was just wondering what the steps would be for a step parent adoption. I was with my daughters father until I was 3 months pregnant. When I was 3 months along he became abusive and I moved home with my parents. After I moved home and was moving on with my life my best guy friend and I realized that we wanted to be together that he wanted to help me through this. So we bought a house, he was with me for the birth and he has been there ever since. My daughter is now two and we are planning on getting married in May of this year. What will we need in order to get this ball rolling. The biological father has never tried to contact us. He has never wanted anything to do with her. I haven't spoken to him in over two years now. He knows she was born because I had tried to call him and spoke with his parents. I have no way of contacting him now. Could anyone please give me advice on what I need to do now. Thanks. What is the name of your state?

 

[ceara19]

First, you have to be married (usually for a year or more). You would also need to establish paternity and terminate the father's legal rights, which is not an easy thing to do.

 

[Zigner]

How do you *know* that he knows she was born?

 

[Lisha]

I told his parents who told him. They knew where I was staying said they would come by and I never heard anything from them and they never called again. He would sit in his car in front of our house and would follow me. I would get hang up calls frequently, but never would he actually just call. It always seemed that he was more into the making me fear what he would instead of actually doing anything when it came down to his kid.

 

[Lisha]

Is there any way to get the adoption done without establishing paternity. Paperwork indicates him as the father, I just did not have him named on the b.c. Is there any way to have it considered abandonment i guess is what you would call it. Also how much do you think it would cost for me to get an attorney to have all of this done?

 

[Silverplum]

I told his parents who told him. They knew where I was staying said they would come by and I never heard anything from them and they never called again. He would sit in his car in front of our house and would follow me. I would get hang up calls frequently, but never would he actually just call. It always seemed that he was more into the making me fear what he would instead of actually doing anything when it came down to his kid.

The law remains the same.
This q is asked/answered constantly. Just look around in this section and learn. Google stepparent adoption law in your state.
You'll definitely need an attorney.
Good luck.

 

[ceara19]

Is there any way to get the adoption done without establishing paternity. Paperwork indicates him as the father, I just did not have him named on the b.c. Is there any way to have it considered abandonment i guess is what you would call it. Also how much do you think it would cost for me to get an attorney to have all of this done?

A person cannot legally abandon a child that does not legally belong to them, so mark that option off the list. The biological father will need to notified of your intentions and will have a legal right to contest and establish a relationship with his child. Step parent adoption is not a cheap venture. We spent around $10,000 on a very simple step parent adoption where paternity was established and the other parent was deemed legally unfit long before the proceedings and did not contest the adoption. The TPR was done as a separate action at an additional cost. Once you add in establishing paternity, terminating rights and a court battle if he chooses to contest the adoption, there's no way to guess how much it may cost.

 

[Lisha]

Is there any way to do this without having a lot of extra money? I just don't want him to come around once the "parenting" part of her life done and then he wants to be part of her life. Also when we were together he threatened taking the child and running away with her. I don't want him to use her as a weapon against me. There is so much more to the story than just him knowing about her. He was bad news.

 

[Silverplum]

Is there any way to do this without having a lot of extra money? I just don't want him to come around once the "parenting" part of her life done and then he wants to be part of her life. Also when we were together he threatened taking the child and running away with her. I don't want him to use her as a weapon against me. There is so much more to the story than just him knowing about her. He was bad news.

Again, individual circumstances don't change the law.

EVERY parent who wants to do a stepparent adoption thinks their X is "bad news." That's fine. You still have to follow the law in order to complete a stepparent adoption. Period.

 

[Lisha]

I am not asking for the law to have exceptions just if there is any way to do it without spending money that I don't have. . .

 

[Silverplum]

I am not asking for the law to have exceptions just if there is any way to do it without spending money that I don't have. . .

Well, maybe there's an attorney in your area that works for free. Are there also plumbers and doctors and mechanics that don't charge money for their work?

Call around, use the web and yellow pages.

 

[Lisha]

I was asking more so for people that would know if there were any programs that I could get involved in. As I read the other forums I found that there were a lot of sarcastic people that it doesn't seem like they have anything better to do than to make someone feel like a big loser. I had hoped by using this I would get aide from it and maybe just maybe some advice on what I should however I read the replies that people post and I feel like they are trying to belittle me.

Silverplum as far as mechanics go . . . My grandfather owns a car lot and I get all of my car work done for free so I have never had the need to find a free mechanic, as far as plumbing goes . . .if we need something fixed around my house then my fiance does it. Not to forget doctors doing work for free. . . I have worked in healthcare for 7 years and yes some doctors do work for free as well.

I have called around it hasn't been much help!!

 

[moburkes]

Then, apparently, you are resourceful. Maybe you will eventually find that free lawyer. If the relationship with your ex didn't work out, how can you be sure that this one will. You aren't even married yet. 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Why do you think that it is okay to allow your not-even-husband adopt someone else's child, without that parent's permission. Of course, he is bad news. It is unacceptable for your ex to run away with YOUR child, but it is perfectly acceptable for your soon-to-be husband to adopt HIS child without HIS permission. Explain how that makes sense. Please. You chose to get pregnant by him. You cannot take away his rights. And, IF he decides in 20 years to contact HIS child and ATTEMPT to make up for past wrongs, he is allowed to do that.

 

[Lisha]

I understand that it is my problem that I stayed in the relationship it is not a problem that I had my daughter. The person I am with now has been a friend I grew up with. He has not got a bad bone in his body. We are good Christians who go to church every Sunday we take our daughter to church with us. We pray together. Her Bio father once we split I found out he had been in jail, had been dishonorably discharged from the military, numerous drug charges and there is quite a bit more to add to the list. Nobody knows that a marriage will or will not work but I know that he loves her as if she were his and that even with the slight possibility that a marriage may end in divorce that he would still take care of her as if he were her father. I know that I would not have to worry for her life if she was with my fiance now that takes care of her. If I have no way of contacting him and he knows he has a daughter then its not taking his rights away, I am willing to contact him to give up his rights I just have no idea of how to find him. My phone number has never changed nor has anybody in my family changed their number he could have contacted us but he hasn't.

 

[moburkes]

I understand that it is my problem that I stayed in the relationship it is not a problem that I had my daughter. The person I am with now has been a friend I grew up with. He has not got a bad bone in his body. We are good Christians who go to church every Sunday we take our daughter to church with us. We pray together. Her Bio father once we split I found out he had been in jail, had been dishonorably discharged from the military, numerous drug charges and there is quite a bit more to add to the list. Nobody knows that a marriage will or will not work but I know that he loves her as if she were his and that even with the slight possibility that a marriage may end in divorce that he would still take care of her as if he were her father. I know that I would not have to worry for her life if she was with my fiance now that takes care of her. If I have no way of contacting him and he knows he has a daughter then its not taking his rights away, I am willing to contact him to give up his rights I just have no idea of how to find him. My phone number has never changed nor has anybody in my family changed their number he could have contacted us but he hasn't.

And none of this changes the fact that you previously said that you want all of this to occur without establishing paternity.