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  #1  
Old 04-13-2009, 04:17 PM
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Step parent adoption

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

I have a 10 yr. old step daughter. I have been married to her father for over 6 years. I started caring for her when she was 15 1/2 months old, when I started dating her daddy. Her biological mother insists that she wants custody again. My husband told her to get a lawyer and we would see her in court. Of course, I do not believe it will come to that. Her mother has never seen anything through. She has given many "promises" to my step daughter and never followed through with any of them. I have written down every time the mother has stood her up for visitations, called with an excuse, had problems while visiting with her, called our home for ANYTHING, hit or slapped my "step daughter", etc. I am sure I can prove that "stepdaughter" should stay with us. However, what should I do to "prove" her mother unfit, so I can adopt her? I would NEVER take a child from his/her mother, but I fear that one day, if "stepdaughter" lives with her she will be hurt (physically and mentally) or worse. I want the best for my kids. I have never thought of her as a "stepdaughter", and never treated her as such. Her mother signed the custody papers without taking it to court, but I don't think she will for this. I'm sure she will fight it, if for nothing else but the fact that she hates me. She still tells "stepdaughter" that we took her away, when really she signed her over without a fight. What can I do? I am really afraid of losing her. I have given up my career, my hobbies, and my money, but i CAN'T give up my DAUGHTER! My children are my life and I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want my "step daughter" to have anything but happiness. Please help, I am desperate to know what rights I have as a step-parent and what documentation I need to prove her mother is not fit to care for her and never has been. "Step daughter" has been neglected and abused but how can I PROVE it? I am scared for her life. Not just her existence, but what she will become if she has to live in those conditions. They are not good at all. I feel like such a failure. I have been stabbed and hurt by "step daughter", she has gone to counseling and is now better. I know it is SO hard for her to be torn between the person who carried her and myself. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want HER to be hurt either. All the new anger from her mother is probably because I have started home schooling "step daughter". She does not like that because she hates when "step daughter" is successful because of me. It's kind of sad and I feel sorry for the mother, but I think she is incapable of doing anything without personal gain. I don't know what to do. I want "step daughter" to be able to see her other family, but is that possible if I can prove I should adopt her? I appreciate anything you can tell me! I have written a lot but it doesn't even TOUCH how bad it is. Thanks!
  #2  
Old 04-13-2009, 04:48 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 27
The mothers rights would have to be terminated. To do that one of these must apply....
Circumstances That Are Grounds for Termination
Abandonment or Extreme Parental Disinterest

Abuse/Neglect

Mental Illness or Deficiency

Alcohol or Drug Induced Incapacity

Felony Conviction/Incarceration

Failure of Reasonable Efforts

Abuse/Neglect or Loss of Rights of Another Child

Sexual Abuse

Failure to Maintain Contact

Failure to Provide Support

Child Judged in Need of Services/Dependent

Child's Best Interest

Felony assault of child or sibling

Murder/Manslaughter of sibling child

You will need a lawyer. Please know that removing a parent from a childs life, no matter how bad they are will affect the child and they will need help to deal with issues they will face. As a person adopted by their grandmother I know how hard it is.
  #3  
Old 04-13-2009, 04:58 PM
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This has to be the over-stepping step of the year!
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  #4  
Old 04-13-2009, 05:02 PM
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I know a little about what you're feeling

First off, I think it is great that you are putting your step-daughter's needs ahead of your own. You truly seem to love her like a mother should. My son got custody of a grand-daughter that I had never seen (he had only seen once - but that's another story) and I am helping him raise her. The custody issue was tenuous because she was 6 years old at the time, but the fact that one of her mother's boyfriends had molested her was reason enough for the judge. What we have learned is that children (at least at this young age) love their parents unconditionally. No matter what. It is important more than anything that you hold all discussions with your husband, lawyer or family concerning issues of custody out of earshot of the child. No matter how difficult, don't allow anything negative to be said in front of her as she will feel the need to defend her mother. It sounds as if you and your husband offer her the most secure and healthy environment, and should she actually raise a Motion to change custody, ask your attorney to request a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) be appointed by the court. This was done in our case and through home visits, meetings with the school, doctor's records, etc, it became abudantly clear to the judge what was best for the child.
  #5  
Old 04-13-2009, 05:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacer41 View Post
First off, I think it is great that you are putting your step-daughter's needs ahead of your own. You truly seem to love her like a mother should. My son got custody of a grand-daughter that I had never seen (he had only seen once - but that's another story) and I am helping him raise her. The custody issue was tenuous because she was 6 years old at the time, but the fact that one of her mother's boyfriends had molested her was reason enough for the judge. What we have learned is that children (at least at this young age) love their parents unconditionally. No matter what. It is important more than anything that you hold all discussions with your husband, lawyer or family concerning issues of custody out of earshot of the child. No matter how difficult, don't allow anything negative to be said in front of her as she will feel the need to defend her mother. It sounds as if you and your husband offer her the most secure and healthy environment, and should she actually raise a Motion to change custody, ask your attorney to request a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) be appointed by the court. This was done in our case and through home visits, meetings with the school, doctor's records, etc, it became abudantly clear to the judge what was best for the child.
Pacer - you need to sit back and learn. OP has NO STANDING in this case.
__________________
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The information I gave is based on my 7 seconds of research on Google. Review the information yourself to make an informed decision.

Communication is KEY - 10 mins of talking now can save you months of headaches later!

Masterfully stating the obvious to the oblivious! (Thanks SP!)

Tell it like it is! When all else fails, make up a statistic!

Gender references shall apply equally to the other gender. I will not correct gender mistakes (unless I want to)
  #6  
Old 04-14-2009, 10:34 AM
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Quote:
I'm sure she will fight it, if for nothing else but the fact that she hates me.
mmm....because parents always just willy nilly hand over their children just because they are asked to
  #7  
Old 04-14-2009, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
I have started home schooling "step daughter".
My understanding is that either a PARENT (and despite what you think you are NOT this child's parent) or a certified teacher are the legal requirement regarding home-schooling. So how are you able to legally home school your STEP-child?
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Last edited by Blue Meanie; 04-14-2009 at 11:01 AM.
  #8  
Old 04-14-2009, 12:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Meanie View Post
My understanding is that either a PARENT (and despite what you think you are NOT this child's parent) or a certified teacher are the legal requirement regarding home-schooling. So how are you able to legally home school your STEP-child?
Per Pennsylvania law, stepmother does NOT have the legal right to homeschool her stepdaughter:

Quote:
24 P.S. § 13-1327.1 Home education program
ARTICLE XIII. PUPILS AND ATTENDANCE

(a) The following words and phrases when used in this section shall have the meanings given to them in this subsection:

"Appropriate education" shall mean a program consisting of instruction in the required subjects for the time required in this act and in which the student demonstrates sustained progress in the overall program.

"Hearing examiner" shall not be an officer, employe or agent of the Department of Education or of the school district or intermediate unit of residence of the child in the home education program.

"Home education program" shall mean a program conducted, in compliance with this section, by the parent or guardian or such person having legal custody of the child or children.

"Supervisor" shall mean the parent or guardian or such person having legal custody of the child or children who shall be responsible for the provision of instruction, provided that such person has a high school diploma or its equivalent.
She is not a supervisor as she is not a person having legal custody OF the child. Hence she has NO RIGHT BY LAW to educate the stepdaughter. Stepdaughter needs to be returned to SCHOOL immediately as she has been withheld from school illegally unless stepmother has custody orders or a court has appointed her the LEGAL GUARDIAN.
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Parents should remember three things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) & when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you & how you treat your children determines what type of nursing home you end up in.


Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship. The devil is in the details after all.

Licensed to practice law in Ohio and a Guardian Ad Litem for children
  #9  
Old 04-14-2009, 09:36 PM
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Do ya thnk?

Re: the home schooling

Where is dad in all of this? If OP has no legal right to be home-schooling the step-daughter, how was this presented in the application to home school the child that would have had to have been approved by the state?

Zigner - you can keep your smarmy comments to yourself. I happened to have adopted my stepson so maybe I know a little more than you think??

BTW, he graduates from Carnegie Mellon this year, and yes, I AM PROUD!!!
  #10  
Old 04-14-2009, 09:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacer41 View Post
Re: the home schooling

Where is dad in all of this? If OP has no legal right to be home-schooling the step-daughter, how was this presented in the application to home school the child that would have had to have been approved by the state?

Zigner - you can keep your smarmy comments to yourself. I happened to have adopted my stepson so maybe I know a little more than you think??

BTW, he graduates from Carnegie Mellon this year, and yes, I AM PROUD!!!
pain in the rear again....

then it isn't your stepson. he's your actual SON.

we aren't talking legal children. we are talking legal strangers. if mom doesn't want crazy lady to adopt, then it won't happen. case closed.
  #11  
Old 04-15-2009, 02:33 PM
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Location: Southern Ohio
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Never say never!

In Pennsylvania, for a step-parent to legally adopt a step-child, they must be married to one of the biological parents, and that parent must have custody. The custodial, biological parent must consent to the adoption; if the child is 12 or over, the child must consent to the adoption as well.

The non-custodial biological parent must consent UNLESS his/her rights have been terminated, OR IF the court finds consent not required because grounds for involuntary termination of that parent's rights exist. REF: 23 PA 2511, 12PA 2714 statutes.

So, it is possible...
  #12  
Old 04-15-2009, 02:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacer41 View Post
Zigner - you can keep your smarmy comments to yourself. I happened to have adopted my stepson so maybe I know a little more than you think??
I adopted my step-daughter (as a DIY project, btw). The fact of the matter is that the OP has NO STANDING. So, please refrain from tapping those keys until you know...
__________________
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The information I gave is based on my 7 seconds of research on Google. Review the information yourself to make an informed decision.

Communication is KEY - 10 mins of talking now can save you months of headaches later!

Masterfully stating the obvious to the oblivious! (Thanks SP!)

Tell it like it is! When all else fails, make up a statistic!

Gender references shall apply equally to the other gender. I will not correct gender mistakes (unless I want to)
  #13  
Old 04-15-2009, 03:02 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Ohio
Posts: 31

Talk to the hand . .

Talk to the hand, Ziggy. Brush up on your PA statutes as well. She may have standing if mom loses parental rights for reasons not known to you or I...
  #14  
Old 04-15-2009, 03:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacer41 View Post
Talk to the hand, Ziggy. Brush up on your PA statutes as well. She may have standing if mom loses parental rights for reasons not known to you or I...


"MAY have standing IF" doesn't cut it in the legal world. A=A. A does not equal m. (Or v, for that matter. )

I know, I know, I'm talking over your head and that's just impolite.

As it is, OP has no standing. You have no understanding. They're two different things, yet sadly similar.

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  #15  
Old 04-15-2009, 03:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacer41 View Post
Talk to the hand, Ziggy. Brush up on your PA statutes as well. She may have standing if mom loses parental rights for reasons not known to you or I...
You're right - and some unknown disease could be targeting NCP mom's in PA too. However, speculating is a bad thing. You have NO evidence that the mom would lose custody.

Take a breath, step back from the keyboard, open your eyes and your mind. You might learn something.
__________________
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*
The information I gave is based on my 7 seconds of research on Google. Review the information yourself to make an informed decision.

Communication is KEY - 10 mins of talking now can save you months of headaches later!

Masterfully stating the obvious to the oblivious! (Thanks SP!)

Tell it like it is! When all else fails, make up a statistic!

Gender references shall apply equally to the other gender. I will not correct gender mistakes (unless I want to)
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