step-parent adoption/abandonment

[MommyPrice]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

I have a child that is almost 4 years old. His father was around for the first 6 months then he landed in jail(way old charges of skipping out on probation, nothing child related) for two years. He was in jail in another state which made any visitation out of the question. Before he went to jail there was a serious domestic abuse situation. He never touched his child, only myself. When he went to jail I ended the relationship. He wrote frequently while he was in jail, mostly begging me to take him back, he was sorry....blah blah blah...he wrote over 100 letters and only asked about his kid twice(his first birthday and Christmas). When he got out of jail our child was 2 1/2, I was(and still am) in another relationship. There initially was some confusion(when i began dating another man) in my child about who "daddy" was. He was learning to talk(he was about 10months old) and there was another child(older belonging to my husband) who was with us every other week(calling my husband daddy). I eventually came to the decision to allow my child to call my husband(not his biological father) daddy, on the condition that we taught him who his real daddy was. I had pictures for my child hanging throughout the house of his real father(just as we have pictures of my stepchild's biological mother). This worked well for us, he "knew" his real daddy, and his other daddy.

The biological father "moved" back to PA about two weeks after getting out of jail. At first things worked out okay, he would come see his child a few times a week. I didn't allow him to take our child anywhere at first because it had been so long since he had seen him I wanted to make sure our child was comfortable before just leaving them together. They would go outside and play, whatever to spend time together I wasn't glued to them or anything, just watchful(part of the reason was because my ex threatened me many times before he went to jail that he would disappear with our child and i wouldn't ever see him again, so i was nervous). My child only knew his father through pictures, but he adjusted amazingly well to him coming around. He was in PA for two months when he broke in my house and physically assaulted my husband(while my husband was holding our 8 month old baby), his reason was that he wanted to be with me and I wasn't interested. The police couldn't find him for the first hearing so it was postponed and then they found him and picked him up and held him in jail for 2 weeks until they could reschedule a hearing. He knew the police were looking for him, but he chose not to turn himself in. At the hearing he was to be given probation, he also had to allow me to file a PFA against him(he couldn't stop it) and I was allowed to put the kids' names on it(because he hit my husband while he was holding our child). The PFA was mostly because the entire time between when he assaulted my husband and when he was picked up he called me 100 times a day. I'm not exaggerating. He would come to our house and beat on the door demanding to be let in. Well, before his sentencing hearing he skipped state.

Fast forward 4 months(in which time he did call, but only to yell at whoever answered the phone I refused to let him talk to our child because i didn't want him putting things in his head, he was blaming everyone else for everything and taking no responsibility for anything.) Our kids were told that daddy fell down the steps because i didn't want the child we had together to know that his daddies had fought. Eventually he decided once more to come back to this area to get to know his son. I went out of my way to help him get a job and a place to stay because I wanted our child to grow up and know his father. Everyone gets a second chance, and he was on his third. He stayed for a short amount of time before getting in trouble for shoplifting, the idiot police left him go on a ROR without first checking his background. After getting released he went to where he was staying stole a bunch of stuff and once again skipped state. When the people he had been staying with reported there things missing the police contacted me to see if i knew where he was because they had released him and couldn't find him. As far as I know he has bench warrants issued for his arrest for not appearing in court.

Since leaving the second time he has called mostly to flip out on me. He actually thought I would send our child to FLORIDA on a BUS so he could see him. Not only did I refuse to send a 3 year old on a bus ALONE, but i didn't trust him to send him home or take care of him. I figured it like this, if you had the money for a round trip ticket for our child, well use it yourself and come see him. The few times I left him talk to our child he made promises and of course never followed through(I'm coming to see you soon, I'll call you tomorrow, I'll send you money/toys/clothes). Now I don't let anyone(and I'm very picky about this) say anything bad about his father in front of him. So right after last Christmas my child says to me I don't want to talk to my real daddy anymore. I said why not i assumed it was because he didn't get anything for Christmas from him...little kids are gift oriented. My 3 1/2 year old understood his daddy didn't have any money and it was expensive to mail stuff but he couldn't figure out why his father couldn't' make a "free" phone call. He was very disappointed. His father has called twice since Christmas and he refuses to talk to him. He won't even take the phone. He stopped calling him daddy and started referring to him by name. He just doesn't want anything to do with him right now. I think it's because his father has left him 2X without any regard to his feelings and being so little that probably hurts a lot. He doesn't even bring him up that often and when he does it's usually to say that he is still mad at him for leaving, or not calling.

Now that everyone has some background these are my questions. I've been married for 2 years to a man that has always treated my child as his child. I would like for my husband to adopt him, but this cannot be done without the father's consent. However there was never a name listed on our child's birth certificate under father. The paperwork wasn't filled out correctly and before it was fixed he was in jail. So my first question is technically he has "no" father, do i still need consent? I know he won't consent to an adoption even if we could find him, so could him leaving like this and not really keeping in contact be considered abandonment?(he left the last time at the very beginning of September, it's not pretty much May and he hasn't seen him at all.) Would it be illegal to just add my husbands name to the birth certificate now, knowing that he is not the biological father? Could his father actually do anything if I just put a name on there?

I just want what's best for my child. He started school this year and refuses to answer to his full name(he has his father's last name) and insists on being called by his stepfather's last name. It's okay while he is still in preschool, his teachers think it's cute, but it needs to be corrected and I would like to do that by having my husband adopt him and change his name. He will still know he has a real father, it's just with the way he treats him it isn't fair. I'm just not sure how to go about the adoption. I would like to do it, I'm just not sure of the best legal way to do it. Any and all comments are appreciated. I'd very much like to get this taken care of as soon as possible. What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

[Silverplum]

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/groundtermin.cfm

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/groundterminall.pdf

PA is on page 46:

Pennsylvania
Circumstances That Are Grounds for Termination of Parental Rights
Cons. Stat. Ch. 23, § 2511
The rights of a parent in regard to a child may be terminated after a petition filed on any of the following grounds:
The parent, for at least 6 months, either has evidenced a settled purpose of relinquishing parental claim to a • child or has refused or failed to perform parental duties.
The repeated and continued incapacity, abuse, neglect, or refusal of the parent has caused the child to be • without essential parental care, control, or subsistence necessary for his or her physical or mental well-being, and the conditions and causes of the incapacity, abuse, neglect, or refusal cannot or will not be remedied by the parent.
The parent is the presumptive but not the natural father of the child.•
The child has been found under such circumstances that the identity or whereabouts of the parent is unknown • and cannot be ascertained by diligent search, and the parent does not claim the child within 3 months after the child is found.
The child has been in an out-of-home placement for at least 6 months, the conditions that led to the • placement continue to exist, the parent cannot or will not remedy those conditions within a reasonable period of time, the services or assistance reasonably available to the parent are not likely to remedy the conditions that led to the removal or placement of the child within a reasonable period of time, and termination of the parental rights would best serve the needs and welfare of the child.
In the case of a newborn child, the parent knows or has reason to know of the child’s birth, does not reside • with the child, has not married the child’s other parent, and has failed for 4 months to make reasonable efforts to maintain substantial and continuing contact or to support the child.
The parent is the father of a child conceived as a result of a rape or incest.•
The child has been removed from the care of the parent, 12 months or more have elapsed from the date of • removal, the conditions that led to the removal continue to exist, and termination of parental rights would best serve the needs and welfare of the child.
The parent has been convicted of one of the following in which the victim was a child of the parent:•
Criminal homicide»»
Aggravated assault»»
An attempt, solicitation, or conspiracy to commit an offense listed above»»
Circumstances That Are Exceptions to Termination of Parental Rights
Cons. Stat. Ch. 23, § 2511
The rights of a parent shall not be terminated solely on the basis of environmental factors such as inadequate housing, furnishings, income, clothing, and medical care, if found to be beyond the control of the parent