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Step-Parent Adoption - Bio Father is in Prison

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PiCrystal

Guest
Hello, my name is Crystal and I live in Florida.

Briefly, here is my situation:

I have two daughters, ages 6 and 4. I was married to their bio father when both girls were born. He has been in prison since December 1997 with little to no contact and no child support, of course. Even before he was arrested, he was very neglectful of my oldest. He was never father material and is a very irresponsible person. The reason why we had to get divorced was because he left me when I refused to abort our second child.

I am getting remarried in December and my future husband wishes to adopt my girls. They both have developed a bond with him and wish to call him "daddy" after we get married (I told them they couldn't call him that until we get married). My oldest has always wanted a daddy and expresses her sadness at not having a daddy. She knows about her "real daddy," but never talks about him.

My fiance would make a really good father and is a very responsible person. He was even in the military for 8 years. Whereas my ex-husband did drugs regularly before he was arrested and was at one time involved in some gang activity. He also has smoked "pot" in front of my daughter (during one of his visits). I know about this only because I had been on the phone with him and he didn't hang up the phone all the way. I noticed this and listened to what was going on. Also, one time when my oldest was just an infant (during another of his visits), he was drinking and driving while my daughter was in the same vehicle with him (a truck). My sister witnessed this when she was working at our local Wal-Mart (he was driving through the parking lot and stopped to say "hi" to her). He had a beer in his hand and my daughter in the seat next to him. My sister told me of this immediately. This occurred shortly before he was arrested.

I truly do believe that my husband-to-be adopting my daughters would be in their best interest. It's not a matter of me being mad at my ex and trying to steal his daughters away or even about making our family 'whole' (a simple name change would do that). But what it is about is my sincere concern for my daughters should my ex-husband decide to take them for visitations when he gets out. He was irresponsible with my oldest in the past and I'm afraid that he would either endanger them or teach them to do bad things (allow them to do drugs or just plain be a bad influence by doing drugs in front of them).

So, a termination of rights + adoption would give my daughters safety, security, and, most important, a father.

What do you think? Do I have a case? My ex-husband is currently scheduled to be released in September 2005. I still have some time. Would it make my case better if I waited a year or two after I get married? What should I do?

Thank you so much. I love my daughters more than anything and I only want what is best for them.

***Just wanted to add:

I don't know whether my ex-husband would object to an adoption. I have not approached him for fear of how he might react. I would like to mention it to him in case he might be willing to do it to get out of paying child support.
What would be the best way to approach him about it? Should I just file the papers first and do it that way? Or, would it be better if I spoke with him about it first? My thinking is that if I approach him in a respectful manner, then he might be more inclined to sign over his rights vs. being 'surprised' with a petition, which might just anger him.

Currently, the child support is 'building up' while he is in prison. When he gets out, he will have to set up a plan to pay that back plus continue the regular monthly payments. My hope is that he might sign over his rights to avoid this.

But if he does object to the adoption, what are my chances of getting his parental rights terminated?

Thank you. :confused:
 
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Seanscott

Member
I'm not a lawyer, just someone who is currently going through a stepparent adoption within the courts. Following is just my opinion from what I've had to learn ~

Yes, you do have a case. If the father has had no contact and paid no support (in Indiana it's one year), then his parental rights can be terminated by the courts. They can also be terminated due to certain crimes he has been convicted of. The type of crime varies within each state. In some states the crime must be a violent crime or an assault against a member of the family. In other states mental illness due to alcoholism, or felony drug convictions are enough to terminate.

In our case, we were married only 2 days before we filed the petition to adopt. We have lived together for over 5 years. The court likes to see commitment & stability between a man & woman. The adoption process may take up to 8 months even if things go smoothly. If you file to adopt immediately after you are married, then you'll already have 3 months in marriage before any actual court proceedings.

Personally, I would ask your ex-husband to consent to the adoption. If he says no, then go ahead and start the adoption proceedings. He will have a very difficult time fighting you, and I don't think he can show he's been (or will be) a good father figure.

Just keep reminding yourself -- "The court will do whatever is in the children's best interest."

You may be in for a battle, but it's winnable. Good luck & best wishes to you.

Go to www.google.com and type in - termination of parental rights Florida stepparent adoption. Do not use quotation marks and you'll find a TON of information.

Seanscott
 
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PiCrystal

Guest
Thank you SO much, Seanscott! :)

I feel much better now! I just keep worrying that the courts will do whatever is in HIS best interests (i.e. Parents have rights too).

I think my daughters deserve to have a good, responsible father who doesn't do drugs, has never been arrested and one who will BE THERE - Giving them stability, which is something they desperately need. My fiance loves my girls as much as he loves me and he considers them his own. I haven't seen my youngest this happy ever. My fiance is the first man in her life. She has quite a bond with him. My oldest loves him too and they both are ready now to start calling him 'daddy.'

Prior to my ex-husband's home invasion robbery conviction (in which there was also an assault charge - He robbed and assaulted a 73 year old woman - He is infamous in my small county for this)... He was arrested less than a year prior for assault (it was something like a bar fight). Also, he has been in and out of jail since he was about 11 or 12. He certainly has a track record. I once had a restraining order on him for being physically violent to me. He has anger problems and alcoholism and mental disorders run rampid in his family.

Do you think I should approach my ex-husband now, or after I get married in December? And does the no contact/no support matter if he's in prison? Can't he just say that he would see them if he could? Or is him being in prison considered neglect? He definitely has not seen them in at least a year and a half, maybe longer. And he never even paid any support before he was arrested. He's been very bad in prison - He currently has no gain time.

If my fiance were to adopt my girls, his family would accept them as their own and my girls will go from having no paternal family (they have not seen their 'grandparents' in at least a few years) to a big, huge, stable, 'normal,' good, paternal family.

I made a really bad choice by marrying my ex-husband - Now I'm trying to fix it so that my girls don't have to suffer the consequences of my mistake.

Thank you so much!! I know my fiance and I are ready for any battle! Fortunately, my fiance can afford to take on a battle. :)

Good luck with your adoption! How far along in the adoption are you?

You can e-mail me at: picrystal at hotmail.com anytime to keep me updated on how things are going.

~Crystal
 

Seanscott

Member
According to www.calib.com, among the grounds for parental termination in the state of Florida are - Abandonment or extreme parental disinterest, Felony conviction or incarceration, failure of reasonable efforts, and child's best interests.

Unfortunately, Florida does not use some other grounds that might help you - failure to provide support, failure to maintain contact, and alcohol or drug induced incapacity.

Our case is a little easier than yours, since my stepson has been in the same home with me since birth and knows me as "Daddy". The biological father denied for almost 5 years that he was the father, and after a DNA test, demanded visitation. That was as far as he went. Since he didn't get a lawyer or answer the courts papers, his consent was "permanently & irrevocably implied".

The whole court mess was started by the state since we had taken $4,000 in state aid and they wanted the biodad to pay it back. The prosecutor may waive the $4,000 and then our judge will grant the adoption.

So far, lawyer fees, filing fees, etc. have totalled about $500. I suppose we'll spend another $200 before it's over. Of course, if he had put up a fight, it would cost us a lot more.

If your ex refuses to consent to the adoption, then do not communicate with him at all, except through your lawyer. After you are married and your husband files the petition, your ex will have a lot of work to do. It takes effort and it sounds like he's spent his life taking the easy way out. I would wait until you are married to ask him. There's no sense giving him any kind of a head start on you. Your husband will file the petition to adopt and you must be married.

I don't mean to imply that it will be easy but I think you have an excellent chance of getting the courts' approval.

I've posted on this adoption forum quite a bit and you should easily be able to find my entire, long, story if you're interested.
 
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PiCrystal

Guest
Dear Seanscott,

Thank you so much! I certainly am feeling much more positive now. :)

I couldn't find anything on calib.com, but what you said sounds promising! I've always been told that Florida is big about Biological parents' rights, that's why I've been so concerned. But it sounds like him being in prison might just be the solution I've been looking for.

I'll probably make an appointment with a family law attorney soon to discuss my case in more detail.

Thank you for giving me the confidence and the courage to turn my dream into a reality. ;)

~Crystal
 

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