Step Parent Adoption - Birth Father Issues

[dianaeleni]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

My husband and I were trying to handle his stepparent adoption of my 12 year old daughter on our own. We paid a company to fill out the necessary paperwork to file ourselves and I made contact with my daughter`s biological father to arrange him signing the parents to terminate his rights, because that was what I was informed I had to do before trying to post in the local newspaper. All was moving forward, I dropped the the papers off at his parents house because no one wants me to know where he lives (he may live there, not sure)...well he went from saying he would sign, to stalling, to not responding. I`m ready to move on and file but the paperwork is confusing. I can either file with his paper`s signing over rights or file with paperwork stating the biological father is missing? Well that`s not the case either so I`m confused with what to do. I was hoping not to waste a dime on terminating his parental rights with an attorney because 1. He`s not listed on the birth certificate 2. He has never paid child support 3. He has not seen or spoken my daughter in over 5 years and did not have an ongoing relationship with her at any point in her life. Any help would be great!

Thanks,
Diana

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

My husband and I were trying to handle his stepparent adoption of my 12 year old daughter on our own. We paid a company to fill out the necessary paperwork to file ourselves and I made contact with my daughter`s biological father to arrange him signing the parents to terminate his rights, because that was what I was informed I had to do before trying to post in the local newspaper. All was moving forward, I dropped the the papers off at his parents house because no one wants me to know where he lives (he may live there, not sure)...well he went from saying he would sign, to stalling, to not responding. I`m ready to move on and file but the paperwork is confusing. I can either file with his paper`s signing over rights or file with paperwork stating the biological father is missing? Well that`s not the case either so I`m confused with what to do. I was hoping not to waste a dime on terminating his parental rights with an attorney because 1. He`s not listed on the birth certificate 2. He has never paid child support 3. He has not seen or spoken my daughter in over 5 years and did not have an ongoing relationship with her at any point in her life. Any help would be great!

Thanks,
Diana

1: Irrelevant.
2: He's never been required to pay child support.
3: How much effort did you put in to establishing paternity, custody, and visitation?

You're going to need an attorney...

 

[dianaeleni]

1: Irrelevant. - I guess not, was a teen mom and he was not at the hospital even though he was notified. I brought home the voluntary paternity acknowledgement for him to sign and have notarized to be added to her birth certificate. He never did.

2: He's never been required to pay child support. - No he has not. I raised her on my own financially and physically and she was well taken care of. I tried to keep it civil and let him be around but he always blew off any plans and was all talk about support and never came through.

3: How much effort did you put in to establishing paternity, custody, and visitation? - Paternity was never written on birth certificate because of above. I tried hard for the first few years to encourage him to parent my daughter. He`d disappear for long periods of time, change phone numbers, and not show interest then reappear and make all sorts of promises to her. Along the way, he was physically abusive to me. I had a full two year restraining order against him. He has 2 other kids since, same exact issues from what I have been told. I`m not proud of any of this, I was a teen mom and he was my high school boyfriend, but at the end of the day I have been a good mother to her and never spoken ill of him. She`s aware of who he is, went through a phase of asking about him and I would answer as honest as I could without giving her to much information for her age. I am still close with his sister and she maintains a relationship with my daughter and she is close with her cousins. So I know there is someone who can always provide that information in her future, should she want to know more or reach out as an adult.

 

[Zigner]

1: Irrelevant. - I guess not, was a teen mom and he was not at the hospital even though he was notified. I brought home the voluntary paternity acknowledgement for him to sign and have notarized to be added to her birth certificate. He never did.

2: He's never been required to pay child support. - No he has not. I raised her on my own financially and physically and she was well taken care of. I tried to keep it civil and let him be around but he always blew off any plans and was all talk about support and never came through.

3: How much effort did you put in to establishing paternity, custody, and visitation? - Paternity was never written on birth certificate because of above. I tried hard for the first few years to encourage him to parent my daughter. He`d disappear for long periods of time, change phone numbers, and not show interest then reappear and make all sorts of promises to her. Along the way, he was physically abusive to me. I had a full two year restraining order against him. He has 2 other kids since, same exact issues from what I have been told. I`m not proud of any of this, I was a teen mom and he was my high school boyfriend, but at the end of the day I have been a good mother to her and never spoken ill of him. She`s aware of who he is, went through a phase of asking about him and I would answer as honest as I could without giving her to much information for her age. I am still close with his sister and she maintains a relationship with my daughter and she is close with her cousins. So I know there is someone who can always provide that information in her future, should she want to know more or reach out as an adult.

Why have you never filed to establish paternity, support, custody, and visitation?

Don't blame this all on him...

 

[dianaeleni]

Blame what on him?

 

[Zigner]

Blame what on him?

Lack of support mainly. But also the fact that you never established paternity, custody, and visitation.

Look, the bottom line is that you are going to need to deal the father of your child in order to get this done. You are now at the point where you will need an attorney.

 

[dianaeleni]

I`m not concerned with lack of support, she was always taken care of emotionally and financially fine. We were both young, I chose to parent, he didn`t...it doesn`t matter anymore. She`s healthy, happy, and fine. I was naive to think the process would be more cut and dry, but the paperwork`s confusing. I did attempt to deal with her father, has gotten me the same results as past experiences to contact him, 2 months and still waiting for a response I will hire an attorney. Thank you for your input.

 

[Silverplum]

I`m not concerned with lack of support, she was always taken care of emotionally and financially fine. We were both young, I chose to parent, he didn`t...it doesn`t matter anymore. She`s healthy, happy, and fine. I was naive to think the process would be more cut and dry, but the paperwork`s confusing. I did attempt to deal with her father, has gotten me the same results as past experiences to contact him, 2 months and still waiting for a response I will hire an attorney. Thank you for your input.

The point is that you can't (legally) complain about what Dad has not done when you have not done your (legal) job of filing for paternity/child support/custody. You also cannot (legally) complain that he has not responded when you have not properly and legally served him. Dropping some paperwork off at his parents' house is not legal service, and from there nothing else will happen. There are steps to follow, in order, and you haven't done them.

We always urge posters to use attorneys for stepparent adoptions. Good luck.

 

[dianaeleni]

The point is that you can't (legally) complain about what Dad has not done when you have not done your (legal) job of filing for paternity/child support/custody. You also cannot (legally) complain that he has not responded when you have not properly and legally served him. Dropping some paperwork off at his parents' house is not legal service, and from there nothing else will happen. There are steps to follow, in order, and you haven't done them.

We always urge posters to use attorneys for stepparent adoptions. Good luck.

Gotcha, that makes sense. Thanks!

 

[Zigner]

Please understand that my advice to use an attorney comes from a person who did a step-parent adoption without an attorney when the other parent couldn't be located. It's not something you want to mess up. If I had it to do over again, I'd use an attorney in a heartbeat.

 

[dianaeleni]

Please understand that my advice to use an attorney comes from a person who did a step-parent adoption without an attorney when the other parent couldn't be located. It's not something you want to mess up. If I had it to do over again, I'd use an attorney in a heartbeat.

No, I get it. I appreciate all the input. I obviously don`t have experience with any of this. I definitely want to do it the right way.