step parent adoption in Oklahoma

[sweetlttlpammy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

am being pre-emptive. I have not yet remarried, although we are planning to most likely by the end of the year. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter whose father I was never married to, but we lived together for 5 years. He's not paid any child support to speak of, and has not seen her in 4 months. He is mentally ill, been in and out of mental health facilities since a teenager. He has a child from his first marriage that he gave up for adoption to his step-father years ago, his second marriage, he had 2 children, one of which he's never seen, the other it's been almost 6 years, he does not pay child support to them either. There is no child support order in force for me and my daughter and no visitation order either. He makes no effort whatsoever. he has verbally agreed to let my future husband adopt my daughter. He is currently charged with domestic abuse in the presence of a minor in relation to an incident with his current wife (of 2 months) and most likely divorcing her as well. He simply is unstable. Given that he tells me he will consent to the adoption, what can I do NOW? Can I have him sign a consent form now and hold it until I am married, can the waiting period of 1 yr of marriage be waived, can the 12 of the last 14 months abandonment rule also be waived since he is willing to consent? Where do I go, and how do I prepare for this to be as smooth as possible?

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by sweetlttlpammy

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

am being pre-emptive. I have not yet remarried, although we are planning to most likely by the end of the year. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter whose father I was never married to, but we lived together for 5 years. He's not paid any child support to speak of, and has not seen her in 4 months. He is mentally ill, been in and out of mental health facilities since a teenager. He has a child from his first marriage that he gave up for adoption to his step-father years ago, his second marriage, he had 2 children, one of which he's never seen, the other it's been almost 6 years, he does not pay child support to them either. There is no child support order in force for me and my daughter and no visitation order either. He makes no effort whatsoever. he has verbally agreed to let my future husband adopt my daughter. He is currently charged with domestic abuse in the presence of a minor in relation to an incident with his current wife (of 2 months) and most likely divorcing her as well. He simply is unstable. Given that he tells me he will consent to the adoption, what can I do NOW? Can I have him sign a consent form now and hold it until I am married, can the waiting period of 1 yr of marriage be waived, can the 12 of the last 14 months abandonment rule also be waived since he is willing to consent? Where do I go, and how do I prepare for this to be as smooth as possible?

If there was no order for child support he was under no obligation to pay child support.

Wait until you're married. If Dad is as you say he is, he'll give consent no problem.

(this also assumes he's actually been legally established as Dad)

[sweetlttlpammy]

I'm not asking for child support for the very reason that it would prompt him to want to see her. He will still be held accountable for the fact that he was capable of helping support her and chooses not to (I did ask an attorney on that one). The problem is, he's so unstable and wishy washy, I'm afraid he'll change his mind in giving consent, or by the time it's been the year that we're supposed to have to wait after getting married, I won't be able to find him, making it that much more difficult. Even though he may change his mind, he'll never have a relationship with our daughter, I know him all too well. I just want to be able to do as much as I can, as quickly as I can so that he doesn't change his mind and I have to make it into a court battle. I know I'd win, I just don't want it to have to be that way. And yes, he is legally and biologically her father. He signed at the hospital when she was born.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by sweetlttlpammy

I'm not asking for child support for the very reason that it would prompt him to want to see her. He will still be held accountable for the fact that he was capable of helping support her and chooses not to (I did ask an attorney on that one). The problem is, he's so unstable and wishy washy, I'm afraid he'll change his mind in giving consent, or by the time it's been the year that we're supposed to have to wait after getting married, I won't be able to find him, making it that much more difficult. Even though he may change his mind, he'll never have a relationship with our daughter, I know him all too well. I just want to be able to do as much as I can, as quickly as I can so that he doesn't change his mind and I have to make it into a court battle. I know I'd win, I just don't want it to have to be that way. And yes, he is legally and biologically her father. He signed at the hospital when she was born.

Until there's a court order he has no legal obligation to support the child (and thus can't really be punished for non support) - I'd be getting a second opinion on that one. (moreover if he sent money without that court order it would generally be classed as a gift)

He is entitled to change his mind - though I know how frustrating that can be.
And before he's exercised his rights (which he hasn't), those rights will have to be established before he can sign them over.

File for child support and custody - that way if he doesn't pay support and doesn't see his child it allows you to have the court terminate his rights using abandonment as the reason.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Dogmatique

Until there's a court order he has no legal obligation to support the child (and thus can't really be punished for non support) - I'd be getting a second opinion on that one. (moreover if he sent money without that court order it would generally be classed as a gift)

He is entitled to change his mind - though I know how frustrating that can be.
And before he's exercised his rights (which he hasn't), those rights will have to be established before he can sign them over.

File for child support and custody - that way if he doesn't pay support and doesn't see his child it allows you to have the court terminate his rights using abandonment as the reason.

I disagree with the bolded. There does not have to be court orders estabished for custody and child support in order to be able to use abandonment.

[AHA]

Originally Posted by sweetlttlpammy

I'm not asking for child support for the very reason that it would prompt him to want to see her. He will still be held accountable for the fact that he was capable of helping support her and chooses not to (I did ask an attorney on that one). The problem is, he's so unstable and wishy washy, I'm afraid he'll change his mind in giving consent, or by the time it's been the year that we're supposed to have to wait after getting married, I won't be able to find him, making it that much more difficult. Even though he may change his mind, he'll never have a relationship with our daughter, I know him all too well. I just want to be able to do as much as I can, as quickly as I can so that he doesn't change his mind and I have to make it into a court battle. I know I'd win, I just don't want it to have to be that way. And yes, he is legally and biologically her father. He signed at the hospital when she was born.

You knew what kind of "father" he was when you decided to have a child with him, so all of this can't exactly be surprising to you though.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

I disagree with the bolded. There does not have to be court orders estabished for custody and child support in order to be able to use abandonment.

Ah, I could be misunderstanding. Am I misreading this? (entirely possible)

The child has been adjudicated to be deprived when:.....

.....such condition is caused by or contributed to by
acts or omissions of the parent; and .....

....a finding that a parent who does not have custody of the child has for a period of 12 consecutive months out of the last 14 months immediately preceding the filing of a petition for termination of parental rights, willfully failed, refused or neglected to contribute to the support of such child, in substantial compliance with an order entered by a court of competent jurisdiction adjudicating the duty, amount and manner of support.

Doesn't that indicate that there must be an order of the court first, before a parent can default?