Stepfather wants to adopt

[Lovely88]

I have a five and a half old daughter. The father has never been in her life ( she has no clue who he is) he went to prison when I was five months pregnant and did sign a paternity paper but never payed child support, we also were never married. My husband and I have now been married for almost a year and a half. He has been in her life for three quarters of it and is the only one she calls dad. She knows she doesn't have our last name and understands she needs to be adopted for him to be her real dad. She wants to be adopted, wants his last name so she can be like us and her three month old sister that is my husband's biological daughter. What do we have to do and how will the courts look at this?

 

[CTU]

I have a five and a half old daughter. The father has never been in her life ( she has no clue who he is) he went to prison when I was five months pregnant and did sign a paternity paper but never payed child support, we also were never married. My husband and I have now been married for almost a year and a half. He has been in her life for three quarters of it and is the only one she calls dad. She knows she doesn't have our last name and understands she needs to be adopted for him to be her real dad. She wants to be adopted, wants his last name so she can be like us and her three month old sister that is my husband's biological daughter. What do we have to do and how will the courts look at this?

Your 5 year old wants to be adopted and wants his last name?

LOL. Let's be honest here - you and your husband want your family to "match". It's okay to want that, but at least own it.

You need to speak with an attorney in your unnamed and unknown state. A stepparent adoption is rarely a DIY project, and it's always best to obtain legal help at least for the basics.

 

[Lovely88]

Yesterday my husband and I were speaking to her about the topic. She said her self she doesn't have any other daddy. She knows my husband's, her sister and I don't have the same last name as she does. I have explained to her that another guy is her real daddy and what adoption meens. I have always been honest and open with her. I don't talk to her like she is a child. I speak to her as an equal. I'm not trying to do a diy project just simply wanting an idea of what to expect before going forth with an attorney and yes I plan on hiring one within the next month. The reason it hasn't happened until now is due to wedding expenses, a complicated pregnancy, buying baby supplies and care of the newborn plus holiday expenses. Throw in other normal unplanned expenses such as our car breaking down and having to purchase a new one and other things. We weren't going to go through adoption until we knew we were once again financially stable enough. The state is indiana

 

[CTU]

Yesterday my husband and I were speaking to her about the topic. She said her self she doesn't have any other daddy. She knows my husband's, her sister and I don't have the same last name as she does. I have explained to her that another guy is her real daddy and what adoption meens. I have always been honest and open with her. I don't talk to her like she is a child. I speak to her as an equal. I'm not trying to do a diy project just simply wanting an idea of what to expect before going forth with an attorney and yes I plan on hiring one within the next month. The reason it hasn't happened until now is due to wedding expenses, a complicated pregnancy, buying baby supplies and care of the newborn plus holiday expenses. Throw in other normal unplanned expenses such as our car breaking down and having to purchase a new one and other things. We weren't going to go through adoption until we knew we were once again financially stable enough. The state is indiana

Alrighty then.

 

[Lovely88]

I wasn't trying to be rude. Just explaining that my daughter is extremely knowledgeable and understands much about her life. I also explained why we haven't done anything until now just in case that topic was brought up. I have googled it but most of what I've found about stepparent adoption has to do with the other parent still being in the child's life or just recently left it. Everything else I have seen similar to what we are going to do end up with the reply of hire or speak to an attorney. I am sorry if you became offended. Have a nice day.

 

[stealth2]

Realistically, a five year old does not suddenly bring up adoption on their own, no matter how mature Mom thinks they are. I could see "Why aren't our names the same?", but not "So, when can Daddy adopt me?" - that kind of question comes from elsewhere - usually an adult.

Be aware that her actual father will have to be notified legally. At which point he may decide to become more active in her life. If he wants that? No court will allow an adoption.

 

[LdiJ]

Realistically, a five year old does not suddenly bring up adoption on their own, no matter how mature Mom thinks they are. I could see "Why aren't our names the same?", but not "So, when can Daddy adopt me?" - that kind of question comes from elsewhere - usually an adult.

Be aware that her actual father will have to be notified legally. At which point he may decide to become more active in her life. If he wants that? No court will allow an adoption.

In most cases I would fully agree with you but this "dad" is currently in prison. So, if by chance he would be in prison for the rest of the child's minority, then even if he objects, the termination of his rights would likely be granted. If he is soon to get out of prison, that would be a different story. So the length of his prison term is going to matter if he objects.

 

[stealth2]

In most cases I would fully agree with you but this "dad" is currently in prison. So, if by chance he would be in prison for the rest of the child's minority, then even if he objects, the termination of his rights would likely be granted. If he is soon to get out of prison, that would be a different story. So the length of his prison term is going to matter if he objects.

So maybe Mommy should provide that info.

 

[CTU]

I wasn't trying to be rude.

Nobody said you were.

Just explaining that my daughter is extremely knowledgeable and understands much about her life.

See above.

I also explained why we haven't done anything until now just in case that topic was brought up. I have googled it but most of what I've found about stepparent adoption has to do with the other parent still being in the child's life or just recently left it. Everything else I have seen similar to what we are going to do end up with the reply of hire or speak to an attorney. I am sorry if you became offended. Have a nice day.

Then you need to improve your skill level.

 

[Lovely88]

Realistically, a five year old does not suddenly bring up adoption on their own, no matter how mature Mom thinks they are. I could see "Why aren't our names the same?", but not "So, when can Daddy adopt me?" - that kind of question comes from elsewhere - usually an adult.

Be aware that her actual father will have to be notified legally. At which point he may decide to become more active in her life. If he wants that? No court will allow an adoption.

I didn't say that she brought up the questions. After explaining to her about all forms of adoption we asked her if she wanted to be adopted my my husband. She said yes because he is the only daddy I have. I have read that he would have to be notified, but I also read that since he has never been in her life or showed any interest and has payed no child support that he had lost paternal rights and wouldn't need him to sign over them. Is that still true?

 

[Lovely88]

In most cases I would fully agree with you but this "dad" is currently in prison. So, if by chance he would be in prison for the rest of the child's minority, then even if he objects, the termination of his rights would likely be granted. If he is soon to get out of prison, that would be a different story. So the length of his prison term is going to matter if he objects.

I'm sorry for the confusion. He was released when she was two. I just replied to another comment that he has never been in my daughter's life, hasnt payed support at all or anything and how I've read about abandonment and lost of his rights. Don't know if the state still believes in abandonment or not because the law article didn't have a date on it.

 

[Lovely88]

I'm not trying to be rude to anyone or trying to make my daughter out to be a genius or anything. I understand most five year olds wouldn't understand about adoption, name change, paternal rights or anything like that. I'm also not saying that she even fully understands what we have asked her. What she does know because we have explained is that my husband is not her real dad like he is her sisters real dad. I've told her the name of her real dad. She asked if my husband can be her real dad forever because he is her only daddy, that she doesn't know any other daddy. She said she wants our last name and be like us because we explained she shares her real dad's last name not ours. when it comes to him he went to prison, signed paperwork in prison. He was released when she was two and has not supported her, visited her or anything. We also were never married. Does involuntary lost of paternal rights come into affect? And would the adoption be in her best interest and would having him in her life cause mental stress because he is a stranger and we would be having to push her into a new lifestyle with this stranger.

 

[stealth2]

I didn't say that she brought up the questions. After explaining to her about all forms of adoption we asked her if she wanted to be adopted my my husband. She said yes because he is the only daddy I have. I have read that he would have to be notified, but I also read that since he has never been in her life or showed any interest and has payed no child support that he had lost paternal rights and wouldn't need him to sign over them. Is that still true?

So you and stepdad brought the idea up to her. Honestly? Why would you involve such a young child in this until you knew exactly what might be involved? Really.

Was her father ever court-ordered to pay support? If not? Irrelevant. Generally speaking, he has until she is 18 to come back to her life. So yes, you have to serve him, legally, and he will have the right to contest. Some people need a jolt to get their act together.