stepparent adoption

[s_moore1976]

What is the name of your state? Georgia

My husband and I have been marreid since three years.I brought two children into the marriage.Husband wants to adopt kids.One father lives in North Carolina.He has never seen my son,nor voluntarely paid any childsupport.(my son is 9 now).I do not know where the father of my other son is.
Neither one of the children really know that my husband is not their biological father.
Now,what do we need to do to have my husband be able to adopt the little guys?
Is a lawyer needed?
Thanks

 

[nextwife]

What is the name of your state? Georgia

My husband and I have been marreid since three years.I brought two children into the marriage.Husband wants to adopt kids.One father lives in North Carolina.He has never seen my son,nor voluntarely paid any childsupport.(my son is 9 now).I do not know where the father of my other son is.
Neither one of the children really know that my husband is not their biological father.
Now,what do we need to do to have my husband be able to adopt the little guys?
Is a lawyer needed?
Thanks

Why are you misleading or lying to your kids about their bioparentage? Children should never be lied to about who that! My daughter is nine, I can't imagine the trauma if she were first finding out NOW about us not being her bioparents - far better when they ALWAYS know the truth.

As to relinquishing rights, have either been legally established yet as the father? They can't relinquish rights until the rights are established.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Georgia

My husband and I have been marreid since three years.I brought two children into the marriage.Husband wants to adopt kids.One father lives in North Carolina.He has never seen my son,nor voluntarely paid any childsupport.(my son is 9 now).

From the sounds of things you have not established him as the legal father nor gotten any court orders for custody, visitation or support. Hence that father has NO obligation to support the child nor rights to visitation/custody.


I do not know where the father of my other son is.


Any court orders or has he been adjudicated the father?
Neither one of the children really know that my husband is not their biological father.
Now,what do we need to do to have my husband be able to adopt the little guys?
Is a lawyer needed?
Thanks

I agree with Nextwife that you should not be misleading the children about who daddy is. When you file for the adoption you will have to establish paternity on each of your children and inform the biological fathers' that you are wishing to have your husband adopt. They will then have the right to protest the adoption and petition for visitation/custody/parental rights and so on and so forth.

 

[s_moore1976]

to nextwife:I have NEVER lied to my children about their biological father,but why constantly talk about somebody who is never there?
Neither one of them has ever done anything for those children!The reason why they do not ask about them is because it obviously does not matter to them.
There was a time (when my oldest was around 3) when he asked why all the other kids have a Daddy,but not him.I explained to him that he was in the US at that time.
I am NOT going to work up my child on having interesst in somebody who does not want to be bothered with them.
@O:The biological father of my oldest child is on his birthcertificate due to a court order.He is also ordered to pay childsupport which he doe through a garnishment of his check.THAT money though has been going directly to a backpayment for outstanding debt.
He returned to the US while I was 2 months pregnant.There were a few phone conversations between us after that.After the oldest was born,he was nowhere to be found anymore.A court ordered him to pay and it took 2 years to establish the paternity (only through decision of judge,not a blood test!!) and my son was 5 when he recieved his first 'payment'.That lasted for a year.He is now 9.I have contacted the man 3 years ago,I needed him to sign off on some important papers for the boy (passport) Haven't heard from him since,even though he has my phonenumber,my address.His MOTHER has my address as well,just like the phonenumber.

Would I have to run an add in a paper in the city he lives (heard that one before and it is not a problem) or can I just explain the situation as is to a judge over here?And if I have to run the add,under what do I run it and for how long.Can that be done before adoption papers are admitted to the court?

 

[s_moore1976]

The reason why I do not know where the second one's father is,is because he had moved so many times in Germany already,that i could not keep track.After moving to the States,I definatly do not have a clue where he is at now.(He has 4 more children he does not care about)
And if my children was to ask,I would TELL them..Everything that I had from those men is in their babybooks (picturres,letters,cards)so they can have it later on as well!!!!

 

[LdiJ]

The reason why I do not know where the second one's father is,is because he had moved so many times in Germany already,that i could not keep track.After moving to the States,I definatly do not have a clue where he is at now.(He has 4 more children he does not care about)
And if my children was to ask,I would TELL them..Everything that I had from those men is in their babybooks (picturres,letters,cards)so they can have it later on as well!!!!

Get yourself a consult with a local adoption attorney. You will get the best answers there regarding what you can or cannot do. Adoption is not a DYI project and you really need the advice of a local professional.

 

[momofrose]

Speaking as an adoptive mom (and also a bio mom) - I URGE you to tell your children NOW that your husband is not their bio father - the longer you wait the more damage you will do to your kids.

The fact that you do not know where dad is is of no consequence - you are lying to your children and it will scar them for life and they will never trust you again. And whatever you do to keep from them that your husband is not their bio father will not work in the long run - they WILL find out.

PLEASE do what is right for those children!



D

 

[s_moore1976]

Somehow it seems like everybody want to attack me for not talking to my children daily about their fathers.Maybe I just was not clear enough!
I DO have everything sitting here,my son MET his other grandmother three years ago.He KNOWS that my husband is not his biological parent but he don't know..It is hard to explain.He seen the pictures of the other man,but he does not see anybody else as my husband to be his father.

 

[momofrose]

What is the name of your state? Georgia

Neither one of the children really know that my husband is not their biological father.

This was your quote - what are we expected to think?

Then you write "He KNOWS that my husband is not his biological parent but he don't know..It is hard to explain"

No one said you have to speak to your children "daily"...but you have not spoken to them at all it seems...

 

[s_moore1976]

Sorry,that I must have been unclear then.I did speak to my kids about it,because I don't have to lie to my children.They are just not interested,or were not interested at that time.My oldest one sees my husband as his father,because he has never known any different.
We are just trying to legalize what has already been in our hearts.

 

[Recar99]

What's with the all the judging???

First off let me say that this should be a forum that helps not bashes. It's obvious that any help given for any of us is a definite lifesaver. S_Moore1976, after reading the replys they really let you have it didn't they. After reading your intial post I completely understood what you were saying. I too am in the process of having my current husband adopt my child. My ex-husband has been out of my child's life now for the last 10 + years. I think it is sad that both men and women alike can be parents to their new spouses kids but can't be with their biological ones from their previous relationships. Now I am not saying that everyone is like that but there are quite a bit I am sure. We are in the "serving" process at the moment to get him to relinquish his parental rights. Sure there is child support but being a true parent is more than just sending a check to the local child support office. He is dodging the paperwork...how sad for him though. No not really because the way that I look at it is despite what went wrong in a relationship, is no reason to forget your child. All I can say is my child has a wonderful man who has been in their life for over 9 years and who has stepped up to the plate since day one. He is definitely their DAD. Good Luck to everyone who is attempting to do a step parent adoption. It's a process but definitely worth it in the end for the child. Keep your head up S_Moore1976 and document everything. I have and it has definitely helped. Just FYI ...try www.ZABASEARCH.COM...it does help when you need to locate someone.

 

[s_moore1976]

@recar99 Thank you so much for the encouraging words.I am currently trying to figure out what it is that I have to include into the add for the newspaper.I do not have his new address,but know now that all I have to do is to place this add for 30 days in the paper by his last known address.
He has never paid childsupport,nor send a birthday card or anytrhing,He is on the birthcertificate,he has been served with so many papers,his check is being garnished since he has an outstanding debt over (then) 20.000 dollars.
He KNOWS he has a son.He alsways knew our address in Germany(we have not moveds once-his Mom even came over during the first year),since we moved to the US,his Mom always knew the address,her boyfriend did as well.Never changged my phonenumber neither-and yes,he HAD the phonenumber.At a certain point I also had his,but he chose to change it,after I finally had gotten a hold of him.(needed him to sign the papers for Immigration and passport) He chose to dissappear again,therefor my son has gotten his citizenship denied as well,since he never returned any letters from the USCIS!!!
I am feeling more than blessed that my husband was sent my way!!!!
Good luck in the future!!

Further more,yes,the plan was to tell my children the whole story/truth,but I think you have to look at each child individually and cannot just say 'he is 9,he has to/will/can understand the situation'
My son had to deal with so many different emotional things,that I did not think it was the right thing for him to have 'to go through' another thing right now.
I am not going into the details now,just know that i would NEVER do anything to hurt my children!!!!

 

[stealth2]

It's not as simple as just running an ad in a paper. Generally, for a judge to accept that in lieu of physical service, you will need to have proven - to the judge - that every attempt to locate him has been made. And then the JUDGE allows you to run an ad.

You really need to talk to a lawyer.

 

[Recar99]

S_Moore1976 have you spoken to an attorney or even done a free consultation with them. I had looked into trying to represent myself but it is really complicated. If you have a last known address they will attempt to serve them at that address, if that does not work then they place an ad in the newspaper for x amount of time. After that then the case gets handled in courtroom. Everything that I have told you is how it is for my state. My situation is a little different from yours in the sense that I was able to find him via the internet. Try using that to get you started. But honestly though an attorney is what you are going to need to make your life a lot easier.

 

[ceara19]

S_Moore1976 have you spoken to an attorney or even done a free consultation with them. I had looked into trying to represent myself but it is really complicated. If you have a last known address they will attempt to serve them at that address, if that does not work then they place an ad in the newspaper for x amount of time. After that then the case gets handled in courtroom. Everything that I have told you is how it is for my state. My situation is a little different from yours in the sense that I was able to find him via the internet. Try using that to get you started. But honestly though an attorney is what you are going to need to make your life a lot easier.

Placing an ad in the paper for a certain length of time is NOT an acceptable form of service unless the method has been approved by the court AHEAD OF TIME! You are really NOT helping the OP. I have been through a step parent adoption, it is NOT a DIY job.