Termination of BF rights & step-parent adoption

[Chandi]

What is the name of your state? California & Texas

Bfather and all support and custody court orders are in California. I am in Texas because my husband is in the Army. Bfather has not paid CS in over 5 1/2 years and owes 20,000 in back CS. He did not have any contact with her for three years and then he decided he wanted to be daddy for about two weeks and then went another two years with no contact. Which is where we are now. My daughter is 8, and I have been married for 7 years. And my husband has wants to adopt her. I left messages on BF phone to see if he will voluntarily give up his rights, and he will not return my phone calls. I dont have any money for a lawyer, I had a lawyer when BF took me to court for visitation 5 years ago. I paid that lawyer $2500 ( and that was a discount with pre paid legal). It was a retainer fee, which I know I didnt use the whole thing for a modification of visitation. When I called the law office regarding the contract and retainer, they said I may have to pay another consultation fee or something, and that they would have the lawyer call me back. Two phone calls to them with no return call yet. The contract with the lawyer states "OSC RE: Modification of Visitation & Accounting of Arrears". The lawyer never even drew up the Formal Orders for the modification of visitation like he was supposed to. I only found that out after requesting my copy of orders from the lawyer and he kept saying I should have got them, so I went to the court house to get them myself and they are the ones who told me that my lawyer didnt make them. Also he never even did the accounting of arrears, which I'm not sure but that sounds like back CS to me. And I don't know what OSC means.I dont want my money back, and I told them that when I called, I just wanted them to help me. So I dont know where to get help now. I also dont know if I need to file for termination of rights and step-parent adoption in California or Texas. Any help would be great, thank you so much.
Chandi

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What is the name of your state? California & Texas

Bfather and all support and custody court orders are in California. I am in Texas because my husband is in the Army. Bfather has not paid CS in over 5 1/2 years and owes 20,000 in back CS. He did not have any contact with her for three years and then he decided he wanted to be daddy for about two weeks and then went another two years with no contact. Which is where we are now. My daughter is 8, and I have been married for 7 years. And my husband has wants to adopt her. I left messages on BF phone to see if he will voluntarily give up his rights, and he will not return my phone calls. I dont have any money for a lawyer, I had a lawyer when BF took me to court for visitation 5 years ago. I paid that lawyer $2500 ( and that was a discount with pre paid legal). It was a retainer fee, which I know I didnt use the whole thing for a modification of visitation. When I called the law office regarding the contract and retainer, they said I may have to pay another consultation fee or something, and that they would have the lawyer call me back. Two phone calls to them with no return call yet. The contract with the lawyer states "OSC RE: Modification of Visitation & Accounting of Arrears". The lawyer never even drew up the Formal Orders for the modification of visitation like he was supposed to. I only found that out after requesting my copy of orders from the lawyer and he kept saying I should have got them, so I went to the court house to get them myself and they are the ones who told me that my lawyer didnt make them. Also he never even did the accounting of arrears, which I'm not sure but that sounds like back CS to me. And I don't know what OSC means.I dont want my money back, and I told them that when I called, I just wanted them to help me. So I dont know where to get help now. I also dont know if I need to file for termination of rights and step-parent adoption in California or Texas. Any help would be great, thank you so much.
Chandi

Go online
search for Superior Court California County(place the actual name of the county) then access the website for that county, from there you can access the self help features and the Family Law Faciliator's office and DCSS re the child support arreages. You can also contact the county bar association re any fee dispute or failure of the attorney to write the order, the state bar re complaints.

 

[momof1]

Although I am not 100% I believe the law calls that any court perceedings need to be done in the place the original court orders were done.

However there are states that recognize you as being a resident of the state you are in after living there for 6 months.

It may benifit you to contact the probate court, which is where you would file the adoption petition and ask them where you need to file.

Good luck to you

 

[Chandi]

I have lived here in Texas for 9 months, and I was also wondering if I have a good chance of terminating his rights without his consent. If I have to get a lawyer, I want it to be worth it this time.

Chandi

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I have lived here in Texas for 9 months, and I was also wondering if I have a good chance of terminating his rights without his consent. If I have to get a lawyer, I want it to be worth it this time.

Chandi

Please follow the instructions in post #2, that is where you need to start. Did you get permission to move?

Also when you work on the order that was never filed, be sure to ask for it to be filed "Nunc Pro Tunc"

 

[Chandi]

BF asked that I not leave Callifornia, even though I was already married in the military for some time. The judge honored his request. This was the only reason why I got a lawyer, so he couldnt keep me in California. My husband was in Korea at the time. My daughter was three at the time BF sued me for visitation. I had just came back to California from being in Georgia so that we could be with our family. As soon as my husband left, BF decided he wanted to be a dad, even though he had no contact with her before. He used me being in Georgia for the reason why he stopped paying CS, and being young and scared for not being involved in her life. Even though he was in Hawaii at the time I went to Georgia, since he was in the Coast Guard. He went awol, and got discharged. Brett won supervised visitation, and then after a month or until she was comfortable with him, unsupervised. And that I could not leave the 7 southern counties of California. My lawyer said that when it was time for me to go, since I already knew I had to go back to Georgia when the year was up, that he would take care of it. BF never showed up to one visitation. I lived only 5 minutes from him. We had another hearing a few months later to amend those visitations based on how the prior ones went. BF did not show up to his own hearing. And since my lawyer did not draw up the new orders, I do not no if I was allowed to leave or not. I contacted my lawyer about this, and he gave me the run around with the amended orders. Of course, when I called him and tried to get him to do his job so that I could leave California, he said to go and that when I got to Georgia to call him with my new address and phone. And that when it came time for a new hearing that I may or may not have to come back for it. Since my old orders say I cannot leave without court orders, or the written consent of the other parent. I decided just to ask BF. I called his mother, which is the last place I knew he was living. And she said that he left a while back and did not know where he was. She told me to " go ahead and go since he doesnt want to be in her life". So I left, and have been nervous about it ever since. When I got to Georgia I called my lawyer with my new information, and never heard back from him. Two years after I left I came back on vacation to see my family. When I let BF parents know I was there, BF asked if he could see her. I was really hopeful that he would stay in her life after that for her sake. But he just vanished again, for almost two years. Up until three months ago I had not heard from him, and my daughter had a 1000 dental bill. Since he is half responsible for dental, I got his number from his mom to ask him if he would help pay for it. He said, " I will mail you $500 tomorrow, and when I get more money I will send you some more, since I have not paid CS or done anything" He also told me at that time that its all he had because he just had a baby six weeks ago. I didnt recieve a thing, and called him regarding it leaving a message, with no return call. The last time my daughter saw him he made her alot of promises, that he didnt keep. He promised to keep in touch, and to even fly her, me and my other daughter out for Thanksgiving. She was really looking forward to that. He really hurt her that time, and all I can do is tell her its not her fault. I do have a copy of the informal orders from the review hearing for visitation, the judge ordered us joint legal custody, and me sole physical custody. Previously we had joint legal custoday and me primary physical and BF secondary physical custody. She cut his prior visitation of three days a week for two hours at a time, to wednesdays for two hours at a time and alternate saturdays for two hours at a time. She also made it so that he would have to contact me 24 hours in advance of his intent to visit. And if he doesnt then each visit will be cancelled each time he fails to notify me. Then it says that holidays and special days previously ordered will remain the in effect. The last line says, formal orders to be prepared by defendant's attorney. And there is nothing said about leaving the state. Should I make the attorney write up the orders now, or just leave it alone. I dont want it to be a problem with BF when he gets his copy. Since he probably has no idea of the outcome anyways. Does soul physical custody give me the right to leave the state with her? That was my first and only time ever having a lawyer and my first time going to court. I would not have even gotten a lawyer if I could have done it again. Since he did nothing. I think it made me look controlling to bring in a lawyer when BF did not have one, and the judge didnt seem to even like anything my lawyer had to say.

Chandi

 

[Ohiogal]

BF asked that I not leave Callifornia, even though I was already married in the military for some time. The judge honored his request.

And yet you left California correct, in violation of a court order not to?

Since my old orders say I cannot leave without court orders, or the written consent of the other parent. I decided just to ask BF. I called his mother, which is the last place I knew he was living. And she said that he left a while back and did not know where he was. She told me to " go ahead and go since he doesnt want to be in her life". So I left, and have been nervous about it ever since.

You should be nervous. His mother has NO LEGAL right to tell you you are allowed to move. If your original orders say you need permission from the court and the court denied it, you are in major contempt if the orders were not changed.

When I got to Georgia I called my lawyer with my new information, and never heard back from him.

You should have reported the lawyer to the bar association at that time.

Two years after I left I came back on vacation to see my family. When I let BF parents know I was there, BF asked if he could see her. I was really hopeful that he would stay in her life after that for her sake.

How when you moved across country in violation of a court order?


But he just vanished again, for almost two years.

You vanished when you moved.


Up until three months ago I had not heard from him, and my daughter had a 1000 dental bill. Since he is half responsible for dental, I got his number from his mom to ask him if he would help pay for it. He said, " I will mail you $500 tomorrow, and when I get more money I will send you some more, since I have not paid CS or done anything" He also told me at that time that its all he had because he just had a baby six weeks ago. I didnt recieve a thing, and called him regarding it leaving a message, with no return call. The last time my daughter saw him he made her alot of promises, that he didnt keep. He promised to keep in touch, and to even fly her, me and my other daughter out for Thanksgiving. She was really looking forward to that. He really hurt her that time, and all I can do is tell her its not her fault.


Unless it is in the order he has no responsibility to fly you and your daughter out to California.

I do have a copy of the informal orders from the review hearing for visitation, the judge ordered us joint legal custody, and me sole physical custody. Previously we had joint legal custoday and me primary physical and BF secondary physical custody. She cut his prior visitation of three days a week for two hours at a time, to wednesdays for two hours at a time and alternate saturdays for two hours at a time. She also made it so that he would have to contact me 24 hours in advance of his intent to visit. And if he doesnt then each visit will be cancelled each time he fails to notify me.


Great. This is a LOCAL VISITATION PLAN. NOt a long distance plan. More proof that you were not to move.

Then it says that holidays and special days previously ordered will remain the in effect. The last line says, formal orders to be prepared by defendant's attorney. And there is nothing said about leaving the state. Should I make the attorney write up the orders now, or just leave it alone. I dont want it to be a problem with BF when he gets his copy. Since he probably has no idea of the outcome anyways. Does soul physical custody give me the right to leave the state with her?

NO! YOu had NO RIGHT TO LEAVE THE STATE!

That was my first and only time ever having a lawyer and my first time going to court. I would not have even gotten a lawyer if I could have done it again. Since he did nothing. I think it made me look controlling to bring in a lawyer when BF did not have one, and the judge didnt seem to even like anything my lawyer had to say.

Chandi

It doesn't make you look controlling to have a lawyer. It makes you look irresponsible, selfish, criminal, immature and arrogant to disobey a court order by moving across country. If your daughter's father presses the issue you are in big trouble. Y0u have not allowed your BF to have his visitation since you moved across country without permission of the court. The court rejected your request, you moved anyway. I dont care if you do have sole physical custody, your BF is supposed to have visitation on a local schedule. And do not make excuses that he hasn't seen her or he hasn't paid child support. That does not excuse your violation of a court order. Sole custody DOES NOT give you the right to leave the state with his daughter. You are in contempt and if your BF wanted to he could charge you with kidnapping (crossing state lines in violation of a court order not to move) and at the very least contempt which could mean you would lose custody if your BF wanted to raise a fuss about it.

 

[Chandi]

Ohiogal
Please read more clearly before judging me. I left California with the advise of my lawyer, I called BF's last place of residence to ask him for permission to leave legally, not his mother. He was no where to be found. As for leaving California, I believed I would be coming back for a hearing, and I trusted the lawyer. By the way I was in California for a year, and he did not show up to one visitation. For four months I made sure I was home for every single visitation, incase he decided to show up for one. For a year I lived in the same city as him with not even a phone call. I went to the hearings when he did not. I did not vanish, he always new where I was. I did not lie about it, he however could not be found. Did not want to be found. I never asked him to fly me anywhere. That was his own promise he made to our daughter. Along with calling and e-mailing. I have never kept him from seeing or speaking to our daughter EVER. He did that himself. I know I was not supposed to leave, I made a choice. Remember, this was the whole reason why I got a lawyer. This was not advise you gave me, it was just cold statements. I know I made mistakes, I would do things different if I could. And that is why I am asking for ADVISE now. Because I want to do it right. I did what was best for both my children at the time. And since I left, five years ago, BF has never asked for me to come back. He didnt even ask to speak with her when I called him three months ago. You made alot of statements of what I did wrong, instead of giving me advise for what to do now. And if anyone is irresponsible, selfish, criminal, immature and arrogant it's BF. For not providing love, shelter, clothing, food, financial support or attention to his own blood and then lieing to her. Just so you know before I ever even left California the first time, I was there, working and supporting our daughter myself with no contact, help, or support from him for two years. I will claim I have was irresponsible and criminal, I didnt know what else to do. But the rest I am not.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal
Please read more clearly before judging me.

I DID READ.

I left California with the advise of my lawyer,

THE lawyer has NO RIGHT to tell you to go against the court order. THAT is unethical and could get him severely sanctioned if not disbarred.


I called BF's last place of residence to ask him for permission to leave legally, not his mother. He was no where to be found.

His mother still has no right to tell you that you can leave the state. You had a court order telling you otherwise.

As for leaving California, I believed I would be coming back for a hearing, and I trusted the lawyer.

That was your stupidity quite frankly. You were not allowed to move with the child.The court stated that.


By the way I was in California for a year, and he did not show up to one visitation.

Doesn't matter. He doesn't have to show up. You have to be there to allow it however.

For four months I made sure I was home for every single visitation, incase he decided to show up for one. For a year I lived in the same city as him with not even a phone call. I went to the hearings when he did not. I did not vanish, he always new where I was. I did not lie about it, he however could not be found. Did not want to be found. I never asked him to fly me anywhere. That was his own promise he made to our daughter. Along with calling and e-mailing. I have never kept him from seeing or speaking to our daughter EVER.

Yes you did by moving. And the law will see your illegal move as evidence of parental interference.

He did that himself.

He didn't move illegally. You did.


I know I was not supposed to leave, I made a choice. Remember, this was the whole reason why I got a lawyer. This was not advise you gave me, it was just cold statements. I know I made mistakes, I would do things different if I could. And that is why I am asking for ADVISE now.

Get yourself back to California with the child and remain there until you secure a court order allowing you to leave the state with the child.

Because I want to do it right. I did what was best for both my children at the time. And since I left, five years ago, BF has never asked for me to come back. He didnt even ask to speak with her when I called him three months ago. You made alot of statements of what I did wrong, instead of giving me advise for what to do now.




And if anyone is irresponsible, selfish, criminal, immature and arrogant it's BF. For not providing love, shelter, clothing, food, financial support or attention to his own blood and then lieing to her.

You are irresponsible, selfish, criminal, immature and arrogant by moving just because you wanted to in violation of a court order. You can be charged with kidnapping -- a federal offense since you moved across state lines. If the BF petitions for custody the judge might award it based on YOUR actions.


Just so you know before I ever even left California the first time, I was there, working and supporting our daughter myself with no contact, help, or support from him for two years. I will claim I have was irresponsible and criminal, I didnt know what else to do. But the rest I am not.

You can claim whatever you want. But the fact remains, you are in violation of a court order which is against the law. You have crossed state lines with a minor in violation of said court order which is a felony. Now you want to terminate BF's parental rights because he hasn't been around without recognizing how your actions have contributed to that. Ask a court to terminate BF's parental rights and don't be surprised if BF countersues for full custody and wins based on your actions.

 

[Chandi]

Ohiogal

You can be as cold as you want to be with me, you dont know me and you dont know BF. Your mean words are just that, mean. Call me what you want, it doesnt not change the fact that the only reason BF is not in his daughters life is because he chooses not to be. And he decided that long before I moved. His fingers are not broken, he could call or write if he wanted. I am aware that I should have stayed and solved it then. But I didnt, and telling me what I should have done does not help me now. Thank you though on the advise that you did give this time around. I will consider all my options.

Chandi

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal

You can be as cold as you want to be with me, you dont know me and you dont know BF. Your mean words are just that, mean. Call me what you want, it doesnt not change the fact that the only reason BF is not in his daughters life is because he chooses not to be. And he decided that long before I moved. His fingers are not broken, he could call or write if he wanted. I am aware that I should have stayed and solved it then. But I didnt, and telling me what I should have done does not help me now. Thank you though on the advise that you did give this time around. I will consider all my options.

Chandi

Find one legal thing I said about your situation which is not true. I dont know you and the BF. However what I said was the truth. You have committed a crime. It could be a felony and you could find yourself in prison for kidnapping. The court will see it as your actions contributed to BF not being in his children's life because you "fled" the jurisdiction illegally. The advice is you need to get your butt back to California and try to make this right by obtaining a legal order to leave the state and until then remain in CA. Its not cold -- it is honest.

 

[Chandi]

Your advise is not cold, your name calling and accusations are. I do what I do for my children, and I am not a bad person for that. And keeping my child from her BF is not in my agenda, and it hurts to be accused of that. BF will not even return my phone calls, my daughter cry's because she wants the only dad she knows to adopt her. You are speaking as if I am trying to hurt BF, when it is the other way around. If you only knew what he was like, you would not be saying those things. And the only reason I am still away from home in the first place is because my husband keeps getting stop lossed for the war in Iraq. He will have to go to Iraq again this summer, and when he leaves I am going to California anyways. Thanks for your input.

Chandi

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Forget what I said in my post it doesn't apply becuase you intentionally withheld the facts, most of which Ohiogal has covered and you have committed amongst other things the federal crime of parental abduction(kidnapping) You did so with knowledge and intent. Forget about the father owing child support, medical and/or transportation. You will be lucky to get supervised visitation. You do realize that you may have also adversley affected your husband's military career and custody of your other child?

I suggest you return your child to California immediately to the county having jurisdiction and retain a criminal defense attorney who can advise you where and how to surrender your child.

 

[Ohiogal]

Your advise is not cold, your name calling and accusations are. I do what I do for my children, and I am not a bad person for that. And keeping my child from her BF is not in my agenda, and it hurts to be accused of that. BF will not even return my phone calls, my daughter cry's because she wants the only dad she knows to adopt her. You are speaking as if I am trying to hurt BF, when it is the other way around. If you only knew what he was like, you would not be saying those things. And the only reason I am still away from home in the first place is because my husband keeps getting stop lossed for the war in Iraq. He will have to go to Iraq again this summer, and when he leaves I am going to California anyways. Thanks for your input.

Chandi

Your husband has NOTHING to do with this. He is a legal stranger to this child. If he has to go to war that is because he is doing his duty serving his country. He is honorable. Playing that card so we would feel sympathy or side with you is not.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

In what California county is the case based?
When was the last time you provided the COURT with your address?
When was your last hearing?
When was the last time you contacted DCSS?
When was the last time you contactd the court?
Can you please turn on our PM feature? GO TO the edit profile and enable Private Message feature.
Where are you located now? Do you reside on/off base?