Unusally Adoption

[YoungMama]

What is the name of your state? New York

My fiancee and I have been together for 12 years and about two years I did a legal name change on my son's birth certificate, changing his last name to mine. My fiancee wants to adopt my son. My son believes that he is his bio father and nothing else. I have no idea where his bio father is. The last time my son or myself saw him was the day we left the hospital. What is the name of your state?

[BelizeBreeze]

and your legal question was????

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by YoungMama

What is the name of your state? New York

My fiancee and I have been together for 12 years and about two years I did a legal name change on my son's birth certificate, changing his last name to mine. My fiancee wants to adopt my son. My son believes that he is his bio father and nothing else. I have no idea where his bio father is. The last time my son or myself saw him was the day we left the hospital. What is the name of your state?

So you have been LYING to your son for 12 years?

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by ceara19

So you have been LYING to your son for 12 years?

That's what jumped out at me. HOW can you mislead/lie to your son aboutt his bioparentage? My daughter has ALWAYS known that we are not her bioparents. Kids can understand this in age-appropriate ways. How horrible for a child to spend their entire childhood with their parents LYING to them, and to have the truth dumped on them at some later point in life. If they ALWAYS know, then they simply accept it as a fact of life.

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by nextwife

That's what jumped out at me. HOW can you mislead/lie to your son aboutt his bioparentage? My daughter has ALWAYS known that we are not her bioparents. Kids can understand this in age-appropriate ways. How horrible for a child to spend their entire childhood with their parents LYING to them, and to have the truth dumped on them at some later point in life. If they ALWAYS know, then they simply accept it as a fact of life.

One would have to assume that the child is at least 12. It sounds as though the OP would like to do this "behind the child's back" so to speak. The first thing the OP needs to do is sit down with the child and have a long overdue talk.

[nextwife]

Even if she CAN get this adoption done readilly, the child now, and previously does not deserve to be lied to.

There is NOTHING wrong or shameful about adoption, and treating it like a terrible secret sends the wrong signal to our adoptive kids that this is something BAD. Being always open about bioparentage allows our kids to be totally comfortable and accepting of their adoption status, or of being raised by any parties that are not their bioparents. Every adult adoptee that I know (and there are many on the adoption support lists, as many themselves are adoptive parents) that had parents who hid the truth, parents thinking they'd "tell them when they are old enough" (what an 18th century idea!) is very resentful of having the truth witheld from them until "later". Twelve is WAY later. Heck, my kiddo already knew at two that we were not the "mom and dad that she was born from".

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by nextwife

Even if she CAN get this adoption done readilly, the child now, and previously does not deserve to be lied to.

There is NOTHING wrong or shameful about adoption, and treating it like a terrible secret sends the wrong signal to our adoptive kids that this is something BAD. Being always open about bioparentage allows our kids to be totally comfortable and accepting of their adoption status, or of being raised by any parties that are not their bioparents. Every adult adoptee that I know (and there are many on the adoption support lists, as many themselves are adoptive parents) that had parents who hid the truth, parents thinking they'd "tell them when they are old enough" (what an 18th century idea!) is very resentful of having the truth witheld from them until "later". Twelve is WAY later. Heck, my kiddo already knew at two that we were not the "mom and dad that she was born from".

I was in my 20's when I found out that my "dad" wasn't my dad. I was NOT a happy person. Even though I agree that my mother's reasons were right and that nothing would have been any different in my life had I known (my biodad died when I was 2), it doesn't change the fact that I was LIED to. I tends to make a person wonder what other lies they have been told.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by YoungMama

What is the name of your state? New York

My fiancee and I have been together for 12 years and about two years I did a legal name change on my son's birth certificate, changing his last name to mine. My fiancee wants to adopt my son. My son believes that he is his bio father and nothing else. I have no idea where his bio father is. The last time my son or myself saw him was the day we left the hospital. What is the name of your state?

Get yourself a consult with a local adoption attorney.

My cousin adopted his daughter under similar circumstances....it was a very simple adoption.

I don't agree with the fact that his now 18 year old daughter doesn't know that he isn't her biological father...and I think that its going to eventually bite him in the butt....however that doesn't change the legalities.