An update and a Thank you

[tigger22472]

What is the name of your state? Indiana

I came here nearly three years ago with some questions regarding Child Support and all the other things that go with divorce with children. After a bit of time I started looking into TPR's and step-parent adoptions. Since that time I have learned SOOOOOOOOOOO much and I thank many of you for not only opening my eyes but for teaching me things. For one I think I'm a better parent but the best part is I think, no, I KNOW I know a lot more about the laws concerning these issues now. Doreen Jackson (speaking of which does anyone know what happened to her?) even sent me the TPR and adoption papers way back when.

Well, on June 25, 2004 at 8:30 AM we will officially be an intact complete family again, even in the laws eyes. Thanks to all of you that have helped along the way.


P.S This is for all those COUNTLESS people who come here looking for a TPR (I saw 3 new ones in a hour today alone). TPR is NOT a fad, it's NOT something you do lightly. It's NOT something you look into after the NCP has missed ONE payment of CS. It's NOT something that you do when the NCP hasn't seen the children in a few months. TPR is something that is VERY serious and effects the lives of your children forever! I also don't agree with those that are sitting there just WAITING for whatever the time period their state requires to come and the VERY next day go file.

For those that don't know, my ex is nearly 25,000$ behind in child support. The last time he saw my children in July of 2001 he told his then 10 and 7 year old boys that he would never see them again and was dying. He contacted me that following Oct (contacted ME.. not them) because the state had found him for CS. That was the last time he's contacted on his own. The last time my children spoke to him was April of 2002 when my then 11 year old wanted to hear his voice to confirm he was lied to. WE contacted HIM. The last birthday card his mother sent my youngest was in Oct. of 2002 and it was signed with his FULL name and was sent to an aunts house instead of their home. The following Jan she sent another one to the aunt for the oldest boy and the ex didn't sign it at all. I did everything legal by giving him home addresses and phone numbers and contacted at least every 6 months to let him know what young men his children were turning into. My children are now 13 and 10 and were in on the entire process in which my husband who has raised them for over 4 years is adopting them. It was THEIR choice when offered. They weren't pressured. They were told if they didn't want it done, it wouldn't be done.

I say all this because even though I have done the TPR and step-parent adoption the posts that come here continue to irritate me. Divorce is NEVER easy on anyone... least of all the children but that doesn't mean that the other parent can be simply thrown away. This could of been done by me a few years ago and yet I didn't do it until now. I urge anyone thinking of this to take the time to think it through and remember what it means to everyone.

[TNBSMommy]

Tigger, congratulations on your adoption! I know from talking to you that this has been a long time coming, isn't something you did out of spite or did rashly, and your boys deserve the daddy that loves them enough to adopt them, you are all lucky you found your husband! I wish you all the best of luck!!!!

[tigger22472]

Originally Posted by TNBSMommy

Tigger, congratulations on your adoption! I know from talking to you that this has been a long time coming, isn't something you did out of spite or did rashly, and your boys deserve the daddy that loves them enough to adopt them, you are all lucky you found your husband! I wish you all the best of luck!!!!

Thanks! I can't wait until Friday! The mere 850$ we paid for it is a small price to pay for the future of our children. Our lifestyle won't change any but I can rest easy knowing that legally my ex can no longer try to disrupt their lives and that if something were to happen to me they are to remain in their home with the only man that's cared enough to be a father.

[frylover]

Tigger, that is awesome news! I am really happy for you and for your boys. How wonderful that you found a man willing to step up and be a real man and accept your sons as his own. Congratulations to your new family!

[haiku]

congratulations from someone who also know how bittersweet it really is.

[tigger22472]

Originally Posted by haiku

congratulations from someone who also know how bittersweet it really is.

Boy is that an understatement! On one hand I know that my children will be taken care of if something were to happen to me and I know that my ex now doesn't have the legal right to simply show up out of the blue(not that he has) or call and disrupt their lives. We've gone through counseling with my oldest over trying to come to grips as to how his father could of done the things he did to him and why he doesnt' involve himself in his life. Then there is the part that just feels SO bad that I made the decision to have children with someone that would do this to their children. And of course there is the guilt of the fact that you know biologically he IS their father. Would I want my rights terminated? Friday will be a good day but in essence wipes away part of their past (a past that wasn't good but the memories are still there).

[TNBSMommy]

Hey, Tigger, I just wanted to say good luck today, only a couple of more hours before your boys are officially and legally your husbands children. And while yes, you are wiping out part of their history, you are doing the right thing for them. Your ex brought this on himself, by not being the father they deserve and you shouldn't feel any doubt or bad at all b/c you found a man who is willing to be that father to them.

Once again, good luck and congratulations!

[tigger22472]

Thanks! It's official. Took all of 15 minutes. It was so fast that we came home for breakfast and just going out for lunch but it's too early. We didn't eat before hand because of course of all days the alarm didn't go off and we woke up having 20 minutes to get five people ready..UGH..LOL But it's over!!