Urgent, please help!!!

What is the name of your state? California
I have a very urgent matter. My husband and I are trying to adopt a little disabled boy from Russia. He needs to come to America where he can get the treatment he needs or he will never be able to walk. The problem is this: I've been told that we will not be able to adopt him because we have a report with CPS. I have a 15 year old biological son who is severely disabled. He has XYY Syndrome, Tourettes Syndrome, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, ADHD, and possibly a mild form of PDD. About two weeks ago he became agetated and violent. He started smashing and breaking plates and cups against the wall. He is very big (6'1") for his age and I'm very petite (5'0"). Luckily (or unluckily) my husband was there at the time. He hit my son to get him to stop. Then he took him out side the house and sat him down on the front porch until he was able to calm himself down. I called my sons therapist who told me he will have to report the incident because he is mandated by the state to do so. He said that if I call and report the incident myself that it will look alot better for us. So I did just that. The next thing I know CPS took my son to the Childrens Shelter here in San Jose. They quickly figured out that Nick has disabilities and was complaining to me that his behavior was very bad at the shelter. After speaking with the social worker she said that she came to the conclusion that this was more of a "mental health" issue than a "child abuse" issue. She did not want him to come home. Not for fear of his safety but for fear of ours. I managed to talk them into letting him come home. I spoke with her quite a bit and agreed with her that I will place my son in a long term residential care facility until he is 18 and then be can transfer over to an adult long term care facility. So he will be out of the house in a matter of a couple of months or less.
No charges were brought against my husband for this incident or similar incidents (two others for a total of three). I was told that it did not matter. If their are any CPS reports that we can not adopt.
Is there anything we can do? In my heart this little boy is my son. His medical condition is correctable. It's only physical. It would be such a nice change to help someone who can actually be helped. I've read that there are over a million orphans in Russia. When people do go over there to adopt they usually pick healthy children. That being said, it seems as though this boy has LESS than a one in a million chance of being adopted. On top of that he will probably live his entire life crippled because we was not able to get the medical attention he needs in his homeland of Russia. They are just too poor there. We are struggling financially here too, but not like them. My husband has a union job with good medical benefits.
Does anyone have any advice? Is there anything I can do? Can anyone help us? PLEASE!!!!!!!
Sincerely,
Mrs. Brown

[nextwife]

First, as a parent of an adopted Eastern European post-institutionalized child I am very active on the EE support lists. I caution you to NOT presume that any PI child from Russia "only" has a medical issue. Expect that any PI child will, at minimum, suffer from PI delays, possibly SID, possibly RAD, possibly FAS/FAE, possibly institutional autism-like behavior. ADD is commonplace with PI kids. Have you travelled to see this child? Have you had an international adoption physician like Dr. Fredericci review any reports and videos you brought back? You already have your hands full, I just do not wish to see you entering this situation without being fully informed about the very common issues that parents of PI EE kids face. I CAn provide you with some support lists that would be helpful at this point. Don't get me wrong, I am a HUGE advocate for adopting, and for getting kids out of orphanages. It's just that I cring when I here someone claim that a PI child ONLY has a medical issue to deal with. It is nearly impossible for a PI child to have had NO impact from that situation. How old IS this child? How were the parental rights terminated? Alchoholism is not uncommon, and consuming alchohol during pregnancy is also not uncommon. That bveing siad, I adore my daughter and am thrilled with her joie de vive and her gumption and drive to learn. She was severely delayed at two when she arrived home, hearing impaired and vision impaired. WE HAVE been able to have all those issues corrected, and she is caught up in 3 1/2 years since then. I just want to make sure you go in eyes wide open.

Now, I DO know that some parents on the EEAC-PEP list, and the GAARP list have dealt with extreme behaviors, and Residential Treatment Center placements. They, too, have dealt with CPS-hard not to when dealing with violent kids. Honestly, I have no idea how the home study report deals with such incidents. Have you talked to your home study provider to see how this can be addressed? I can't imagine that the fact alone of any report exiting,without a review of the situation, is an automatic "NO GO", when so many parents who have done far worse have retained their kids.

[nextwife]

I have been thinking about your situation. Is your son going to be returning home to live at any time? When he is too old for the youth facility he is in, where will he go? I ask because I would be concerned about the safety of a young child ( epsecially one with a mobility problem) with a large teenager present who has a history of uncontrolled/violent behavior. Additionally, a PI child may have limited to no language skills (my daughter had absolutely NO language development at arrival due to untreated ear infections, resulting hearing problems, and institutional delays) with which to inform you of any problems or fears.

[stealth2]

This is the reply I posted to you on the DV board:

"I suspect there may be little (if anything) you can do in terms of adopting the child. You could try talking to an lawyer exerienced in international adoptions, but I wouldn't keep hopes up too high... Having said that, there are several groups in the US that help organize & sponsor bringing Russian kids here for medical treatment/care. You might want to look into that as a possible way of getting the child the help he needs. A good place to start would be contacting a Russian-American group, or possibly a Russian Orthodox Church - there are quite a lot of Russians in CA, and many of them (especially the older immigrants) who are involved in that sort of philanthropic work. Good luck."

What nextwife told you about the likelihood of the child having other problems is very accurate.

[nextwife]

Great idea, Momma_tiger.

Kids do come here on medical visas to get treatment that would be unavailable to them in the orphanage. There is a type of sponsorship for such visits. Maybe you can start that way. I cannot remember the name of the organization, but if you post on EEAC's (Eastern European Adoption Coalition) Russia list, someone there WILL know. This site is a great source of links and informed support groups.

Try this link: [url]http://eeadopt.org/[/url] They have 19 lists, including one for Russia, and several Special Support lists.

Our experience was that our state of residence had to approve us as adoptive parents, including the home study, and that state approval had to go to the local office of the former INS before a final Visa for our daughter to come to the US could be issued. Additionally, our homestudy had to be included in the dossier approved by the regional Bulgarian court before her adoption in Bulgaria was final, which then freed her to come to the US. LIkely, it is a similar process for Russia.

Not all states get involved in the international adoption process.
Texas, for example. If your state is not involved, then it comes down to whether this incident report creates an adverse situation to the Russian court which must approve on their end.

Good luck.

[stealth2]

My godmother's involved with a group that brings kids over for cardiac surgery here on the East Coast.