Valid concerns or paranoia?

There is a couple that recently adopted an infant from Oregon. They live in Idaho and the birthmother terminated her rights in Idaho. According to the birth mother, the father is unknown, and no family members or friends knew about her pregnancy. There are some inconsistencies in the information she provided the adoption agency in this area. While she has terminated her rights, the social worker reported to the adoptive parents that the birth mother had a very hard time at the hearing and left in tears, and also had the same reaction upon receiving their baby's first pictures. The adoptive parents had stated in their original application to the agency that they did not want to meet with the birth parents after the adoption. However, they were asked after the baby was placed and agreed to do so. Now they have second thoughts given the circumstances mentioned above and that meeting with the birth mother might be detrimental to her in terms of regret and dangerous to the adoptive parents as she may be more likely to change her mind. Also, there is concern that the birth father or grandparents may become involved and challenge the adoption if she does change her mind. The adoptive parents have strong emotions in both directions but want to make an objective decision that is in the best interest of all involved and minimizes the risk of loosing their baby. The social worker is encouraging the meeting and says there is no risk what so ever. Do you think the concerns of the adoptive parents are irrational? Any suggestions on how to proceed?

All laws aside, adoptions are emotional events. If they don't meet with this woman now and take their chances and the child finds out at a later date in life. It could turn their perfect world with a child into one large nightmare. If it is meant to be it will be.

Joshua L. McDowell

[kat1963]

Yeah..ummm..she just gave up her baby, of course she left in tears. I for one would be dern grateful that she had some emotion...to have none and be stone cold about it would have me worrying about her emotional stability (ex. uncaring, unconcerned w/consequences) and therefore the genes that this baby might have inherited. I'd meet with the mother now. If it's going to happen it will. If I was the birth mother I would insist on it to make sure my child was with a great set of parents...hopefully it will give her a little bit of closure. What she did was very hard..I'd be thanking her for the wonderful, beautiful gift and reassure her of the baby's great life ahead. She had other choices you know...

KAT