When Bio isn't the Best...

[Jonatshaja4]

I am the CP living in Texas.

I left the NCP who lives in NY 5 years ago and moved back to Texas due to an abusive relationship. Physical, verbal, emotional and economic abuse is what I endured before leaving him. Unfortunately I didn't get out quick enough before having a son. We never married.

Fast foward to now- I am newly married to a wonderful man who loves and takes care of my son- who by the way is disabled. As I type now, my son has been in the hospiatal for a month and NCP has not even once visited. Although he does continually harass us with repeated phone ringing and electronic harassment (all documented).

My husband wants to adopt my son-
My question is what do I do when the best father is clearly not the Bio.
Yes, the bio does pay min. child support, and yes the bio does have phone contact with the child...but being involved with what's going on with the child, no. Plus he is tormenting me and my husband to know end. I can only speculate it is because he is extremely unhappyand jealous...but that is only speculation. All I have is documented proof of his harassment and actions and I just don't understand how someone who threatens to file false claims with CPS or calls the mother of his son, all types of vulgar names...be the best fit and influence for a 5 year little boy?

What chances do we have at this step-parent adoption? I know NCP will not terminate rights, especially if it will cause more happiness that he is not apart of. And I already know the courts position...if he's payin something, than he is a top notch dead beat dad. If there is a better parent willing to take on responsiblity- then why not?

Thanks for the reponses.

[Proserpina]

Because Dad is allowed to be a lousy parent without having his rights terminated.

So, what kind of harassment are we talking about?

And what proof of that harassment is there?

(for what it's worth...I know you don't consider him Dad - but he is. He's not Biodad...he's just Dad)

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by Jonatshaja4

I am the CP living in Texas.

I left the NCP who lives in NY 5 years ago and moved back to Texas due to an abusive relationship. Physical, verbal, emotional and economic abuse is what I endured before leaving him. Unfortunately I didn't get out quick enough before having a son. We never married.

Fast foward to now- I am newly married to a wonderful man who loves and takes care of my son- who by the way is disabled. As I type now, my son has been in the hospiatal for a month and NCP has not even once visited. Although he does continually harass us with repeated phone ringing and electronic harassment (all documented).

My husband wants to adopt my son-
My question is what do I do when the best father is clearly not the Bio.
Yes, the bio does pay min. child support, and yes the bio does have phone contact with the child...but being involved with what's going on with the child, no. Plus he is tormenting me and my husband to know end. I can only speculate it is because he is extremely unhappyand jealous...but that is only speculation. All I have is documented proof of his harassment and actions and I just don't understand how someone who threatens to file false claims with CPS or calls the mother of his son, all types of vulgar names...be the best fit and influence for a 5 year little boy?

What chances do we have at this step-parent adoption? I know NCP will not terminate rights, especially if it will cause more happiness that he is not apart of. And I already know the courts position...if he's payin something, than he is a top notch dead beat dad. If there is a better parent willing to take on responsiblity- then why not?

Thanks for the reponses.

Let me get this straight. You left the NCP in NY when the child was an infant and now you are complaining that the NCP (who still lives in NY) is not an active participant in the child's daily life? Ummm, how can he be when YOU moved across country with the child AWAY from dad? How often have YOU paid for the child to go visit his father in NY?

[LdiJ]

The only chance your husband would have of being able to adopt the child is if the child's father AGREES to the adoption.

[Banned_Princess]

your son has a father, you left him in NY.

Your sons father has to agree to the adoption, and I don't see that he would. (especially since you say he pays support)

It is wrong for you to try to out your child's father. You should have thought about all the abuse before having a baby with the abuser. (hello, now your stuck with him for life.)

Your lucky when you fled to TX that the dad didn't issue a request that you don't go, and if you do, leave baby with him.

Count your blessings.

[Jonatshaja4]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

Let me get this straight. You left the NCP in NY when the child was an infant and now you are complaining that the NCP (who still lives in NY) is not an active participant in the child's daily life? Ummm, how can he be when YOU moved across country with the child AWAY from dad? How often have YOU paid for the child to go visit his father in NY?

Thanks for skipping all the abuse in my post...nice how you bypassed all that. Yes I FLED. Meaning I left EVERYTHING I had in New York so that the child and I would be safe. I know you only have one side of the story, but trust-this man is a sociopath. I have paid ZERO times for this man to visit. He is a grown man. If he wants to visit his child he can. He had no problem visiting me while we were dating in a long distance relationship. No one is stopping him...No ones stopped him for five years. He's acting out now bcuz I am married and happy. Haven't you heard? Misery loves company.

[Jonatshaja4]

Originally Posted by Banned_Princess

your son has a father, you left him in NY.

Your sons father has to agree to the adoption, and I don't see that he would. (especially since you say he pays support)

It is wrong for you to try to out your child's father. You should have thought about all the abuse before having a baby with the abuser. (hello, now your stuck with him for life.)

Your lucky when you fled to TX that the dad didn't issue a request that you don't go, and if you do, leave baby with him.

Count your blessings.

Oh yeah right! Why didn't I think of that the times I was being d? Obviously we a missing a little insight of what abuse is. Or if we do know the consqences of abuse, we don't care because so many women have lied in the past about it. It's a same really. Yes I made a stupid mistake moving up to New York with no family or friends around. This man isolated me, and I made it so much easier. But let me tell you that when I finally left and was placed in a shelter, and got the counseling I needed, I understand that I don't have to lay down and take abuse from anyone...even if he is the child of my father.

[Jonatshaja4]

Originally Posted by Dogmatique

Because Dad is allowed to be a lousy parent without having his rights terminated.

So, what kind of harassment are we talking about?

And what proof of that harassment is there?

(for what it's worth...I know you don't consider him Dad - but he is. He's not Biodad...he's just Dad)

We have court orders for the days he allowed to see his son and days and times when he is allowed to call and speak with his son.

Right now it's just electronic harassment-calling outside of his court ordered times and dates, and texting and emailing me harassing messages. The most vile so far is his attempts to file bogus claims that our son is being molested my me and my husband.

[Banned_Princess]

Whatever,,,,,

Father of your kid has to agree to allow his kid to be adopted by another man. and really that's the bottom line.

Whine all you want, its not going to change the fact that you must have his blessing to have your husband adopt his son.



And once again, your sons father has to fully cooperate with your husband in his wish to adopt your son.

And abuse against you, (which you never had him arrested for, i suspect, or you'd already have a protection order) has nothing to do with his relationship with his son. (which the court told you in not so many words when they allowed your son to have weekly phone calls)

Count your blessings. He (dad) could very well go to court and have a modification demanding you send your son to him for summer and school vacations.

Make peace. its your best bet.

[Jonatshaja4]

Originally Posted by Banned_Princess

Whatever,,,,,

Father of your kid has to agree to allow his kid to be adopted by another man. and really that's the bottom line.

Whine all you want, its not going to change the fact that you must have his blessing to have your husband adopt his son.



And once again, your sons father has to fully cooperate with your husband in his wish to adopt your son.

And abuse against you, (which you never had him arrested for, i suspect, or you'd already have a protection order) has nothing to do with his relationship with his son. (which the court told you in not so many words when they allowed your son to have weekly phone calls)

Count your blessings. He (dad) could very well go to court and have a modification demanding you send your son to him for summer and school vacations.

Make peace. its your best bet.

Whatever, he's already tried that. It is in the child's best interest that he stays with me...per judge.

[Jonatshaja4]

I get the picture,no consent from father in N.Y. no adoption.
I appreciate the helpful responses.