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  #1  
Old 12-28-2005, 10:57 AM
Gee Gee is offline
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Question

When I get married,.....?

What is the name of your state? New York

My Daughter was born in 2000, at the time her father was present to sign the birth certificate and paternity acknowledgelment. He was also mandated to pay child support up until June of 2001. From that time on I have never seen him again, nor heard from him. He could be anywhere including jails or hospitals.
I have been seeing someone for th epast 4 years and we would like to get married allthough I do not want to change my last name without changing my daughters to match..

Where do I startt? And, without the Dad in picture will it even be posible to do anything? Several years I looked into it and they said I needed his signature which was impossible...
( PS the child has MY last name from birth)
  #2  
Old 12-28-2005, 10:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gee
What is the name of your state? New York

My Daughter was born in 2000, at the time her father was present to sign the birth certificate and paternity acknowledgelment. He was also mandated to pay child support up until June of 2001. From that time on I have never seen him again, nor heard from him. He could be anywhere including jails or hospitals.
I have been seeing someone for th epast 4 years and we would like to get married allthough I do not want to change my last name without changing my daughters to match..

Where do I startt? And, without the Dad in picture will it even be posible to do anything? Several years I looked into it and they said I needed his signature which was impossible...
( PS the child has MY last name from birth)

You will need the father's parental rights terminated before the child can be put up for adoption. (The termination can be done along with the adoption.)

Get a lawyer to handle the whole thing start to finish.
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  #3  
Old 12-28-2005, 11:01 AM
Gee Gee is offline
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Is there any advice on how to find someone that has been avoiding you for the past 4-5 years? I have no idea where to even start? I know he frequently goes to jails and I even called a bunch trying to find him.... what do you do in that case?
  #4  
Old 12-28-2005, 11:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gee
Is there any advice on how to find someone that has been avoiding you for the past 4-5 years? I have no idea where to even start? I know he frequently goes to jails and I even called a bunch trying to find him.... what do you do in that case?
Your lawyer will explain to you that the father will be notified by publication; which means there will be an incomprehesible notice of some kind put in an obscure newspaper for a set amount of time. No one ever reads those things but the legal fiction is that this publication amounts to notifying the father.

Get a lawyer.
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  #5  
Old 12-28-2005, 11:38 AM
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And, in all fairness, your fiance should be fully informed of all the potential legal ramifications for him BEFORE you put him in the position of asking him to forever assume all legal responsibilities for your child. You and he should have some time together actually married before you start planning that he adopt your child.
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Last edited by nextwife; 12-28-2005 at 11:45 AM.
  #6  
Old 12-28-2005, 11:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gee
Is there any advice on how to find someone that has been avoiding you for the past 4-5 years? I have no idea where to even start? I know he frequently goes to jails and I even called a bunch trying to find him.... what do you do in that case?
Have you checked the Social Security Death Indexes to determine if he is even still alive?
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  #7  
Old 12-28-2005, 11:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nextwife
Have you checked the Social Security Death Indexes to determine if he is even still alive?
By the way, what is the link for that site?
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  #8  
Old 12-28-2005, 12:22 PM
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Here's one that is free to use. There are others on geneology sites:

[url]http://ssdi.rootsweb.com/cgi-bin/ssdi.cgi[/url]
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Adoptive parents ARE "real" parents. Sharing genes is not what makes you a "parent"!
  #9  
Old 12-28-2005, 12:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nextwife
Here's one that is free to use. There are others on geneology sites:

[url]http://ssdi.rootsweb.com/cgi-bin/ssdi.cgi[/url]
Thank you.
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  #10  
Old 12-28-2005, 12:26 PM
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You're welcome.
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Adoptive parents ARE "real" parents. Sharing genes is not what makes you a "parent"!
  #11  
Old 12-30-2005, 12:30 PM
Gee Gee is offline
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Thank you for the info... "get a lawyer" was proabably the most helpful bit.
I just wanted to indicate to "NEXTWIFE" that of course my fiance WANTS to adopt my daughter he has been raising her with me for the past 4 years!!!! I am not forcing him to adopt, it was just assumed that we would all be one big family instead of my daughter being singled out with a differnent last name.
I am shocked that someone would even think that my fiance is not even interested in adopting!!! It was kind of rude, but hey that is what the internet is all about I guess.
Thank you to all of the people who actually gave advice on this the ADVICE forum, instead of making me feel like an idiot!
  #12  
Old 12-30-2005, 12:35 PM
Gee Gee is offline
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And also, Thanks for the link ot see if th edad is even still alive (which according to that site he sure is!) I also wanted to mention to NEXT WIFE that my daughter is 5 and i have been with my fiance for 4 years so he has an active role for over half of her life, I am sorry to keep dwelling on the fact that you feel my boyfriend is not ready for father hood of my child yet.... obviously if he is ready to marry me then my daughter is part of the package...if someone doenst want her they dont get me.

PS>>>> is there anyone who posted here that is from new york that could possibly make a referral to me on a lawyer to use in this instance?
  #13  
Old 12-30-2005, 12:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gee
Thank you for the info... "get a lawyer" was proabably the most helpful bit.
I just wanted to indicate to "NEXTWIFE" that of course my fiance WANTS to adopt my daughter he has been raising her with me for the past 4 years!!!! I am not forcing him to adopt, it was just assumed that we would all be one big family instead of my daughter being singled out with a differnent last name.
I am shocked that someone would even think that my fiance is not even interested in adopting!!! It was kind of rude, but hey that is what the internet is all about I guess.
Thank you to all of the people who actually gave advice on this the ADVICE forum, instead of making me feel like an idiot!
You are welcome.

Absent bio parents can be a real pain. Have patience.
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  #14  
Old 12-30-2005, 12:57 PM
Gee Gee is offline
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Hi... great advice from most of you thanks so much.
Now, since most of you advised that I seek a lawyer to handle all o fit, does anyone have any resources available on where to find a family lawyer that is perhaps cost friendly? W ehave been having financial difficulties during this winter season (as my boyfriend builds pools...not very busy in January!) Anyone got any ideas....I would really liek to find some that give free consultations?
  #15  
Old 12-30-2005, 01:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gee
Hi... great advice from most of you thanks so much.
Now, since most of you advised that I seek a lawyer to handle all o fit, does anyone have any resources available on where to find a family lawyer that is perhaps cost friendly? W ehave been having financial difficulties during this winter season (as my boyfriend builds pools...not very busy in January!) Anyone got any ideas....I would really liek to find some that give free consultations?
[url]http://www.probono.net/ny/index.cfm[/url]

[url]http://www.nysba.org/Content/NavigationMenu/Attorney_Resources/Pro_Bono/Pro_Bono.htm[/url]

Thank you again.

Anyway, talk to the folks in these links. Shop around. This will take you a long time and some lawyer may be willing to work out payments.

Good luck.
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