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M

Marksr

Guest
What is the name of your state? mississippi
in a previous marriage i adopted the child of my then wife.
the natural father terminated all his rights in the adoption.
to my understanding he was not to have anymore contact
with this child whom i have been paying child support on
for the past seven years. within the last month i have met
the natural father who has confessed that he has had an
ongoing father daughter relationship with her for over three years. he since has supplied me with e-mails from the child
and numerous other documents that may cause the mother
some problems if this ends up in court. i also found out recently
that this fourteen year old child is four months pregnant and
that the father of her baby has been living in the house
with them for the last year. to be honest i am looking for a way
out of this adoption and let the natural father resume his
role in this childs life. what are my rights? who should be responsible for this child? can this relationship be terminated?
please help.
 


ellencee

Senior Member
This unadoption question seems to be July's popular new question.

First, read your state's statutes. You can use the State Resources part of this site or do a web search for adoption laws of your state.

Adoption relationships are nearly impossible to terminate. It is one reason I am so against step-parent adoptions. Second marriages, or third, etc. have a higher rate of failure than that of first marriages. Considering the divorce statistics on first marriages that end in divorce and the chances of a second marriage surviving are slim.

There is no reason that this man and his natural child should not be friends and even consider each other 'father and daughter'. It is natural and it is a relationship that adoptions do not erase from the hearts and minds of children or their parents, but mostly it is the children who forever miss their natural parent being in their lives.

You and the child's mother are responsible for the child and it doesn't appear that you have been involved in this child's life, not for the last year, at least, as you had no first-hand knowledge of her living arrangements or what was going on in her life.

I don't think the judge will be any less impressed with the mother's actions that the judge will be with your actions.

The last thing this child needs is more adults behaving like children. She needs adult leadership and support, not court battles and further abandonment.
 
M

Marksr

Guest
i would like to respond to ellence and try to explain in more detail.
i did not want to adopt this child in the first place. i told her mother that she had a father and one day she would want to see
him. with the adoption she would not be able .after the cursing and threats that she would kill herself because {her natural father did not love her child} so the BM said ,i consented to adoption. however i have been married to my first wife ,whom i have two children with for seven years. and for seven years Bm
has made our lives a living hell. we carried insurance , but she refused to take the child to doctors who accept our insurance.
she also did the same thing to the natural father.anything that
would cause problems she has done. on two diffrent occasions
she tried to cause problems in my marriage by telling me that my wife was having affairs. she tried to keep the children away from my home telling them that my wife was mean. all these things were done to the natural father also. and were admited to the wife of her firsthusband. by allowing a thirteen year old to live
with her boyfriend tells me that she is unfit and should not be allowed to raise children. where do we draw the line?
 

ellencee

Senior Member
Start by drawing a line down the center of your back, or have someone do it for you. Then run a finger down the line and feel the bones underneath the skin. That is called your backbone. Use it.

That child is yours. File for custody of her and be her parent.
 
M

Marksr

Guest
as i stated i do not wish for custody of this child. this child has a real father who wants and needs her in his life . what i am looking for is someone that has some sense of the laws and will not continue to say bend over and take it like a man. right is right and wrong is still wrong.please go to search and type in the user name TLWE and read her post . this is the same child and x-wife.maybe you will see that it takes more than backbone sometimes. if there is anyone with good advice please give it .
 

ellencee

Senior Member
That was a test of 'show it, if you have a spine'. I see you do.
So, how can you say this woman made you adopt her daughter against your will?

I read the other post and thought it may be the same situation.

Legally, adoptions are nearly impossible to undo. Since you have not fulfilled the role of parent (father), and left the child to be an adult and maintain the relationship, I see no reason for you to be worried about current events.

Legally, you are her father now and always and will be the grandfather of her child.

You don't have to do anymore than you have always done, which appears to be as little as possible. Continue to do that and allow her birth father to be her father-figure and don't give him or her mother any grief about it.

The law is not on your side in this matter. Look at your state's general statutes about adoption; read what you agreed to do and read that it is almost certainly permanent.
 
M

Marksr

Guest
I Tried

I tried to be a father to this child and I do love her . However things were not the same on her end. Things got so bad that
my wife and I were having problems every time they came to
stay with us. She was very abusive to my wife and it never got
any better. I dont blame her ,but her mother. But non the less I
had to make a hard -bad decision to cease contact with the exception of paying my child support.
Thank you for responding, God blesses those who are concerned
enough to try and help others.Your time and words are greatly appreciated.
Still dazed and confused
 

ellencee

Senior Member
I came back to share what may be some good news or some hope for you...When the child is 21, all of you, her birth mother, her birth father, you, and she can reverse the adoption if you are all in total agreement.

I have p'o'd more moms than dads with my anti-stepparent adoption beliefs, but recently the posts from stepparents who adopted their stepchildren have helped me to feel secure in continuing to state my beliefs on this subject on this forum.

Stepparent adoption is not the answer to most family 'problems', in my opinion. There are certain situations in which I believe it is the right option, but those are few and far between.

Lax social morals, or rather the opinion in today's society that sex whenever the urge hits is OK, is why this 14 year-old child is pregnant. It is her life, more than anyone else's, that is forever changed. She is a child. What in the world is she going to do with a baby? If the baby arrives in this world without physical or mental problems, it will be a blessing.

Someone in this family needs to be mature and responsible for the 14 year-old's sake and for the sake of her child. I hope there is someone who will rise to the occasion and let all this conflict between mom and her ex(s) fade into the past so that this young mother-to-be and her child have some potential for a successful future.

I think you are alot stronger than you first indicated!

Best wishes,
EC
 
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O

OnlyOneVoice

Guest
EC I agree with you in most things. And in this we are absolute.

It is the life of the 14 yo that is forever changed. And we are all too familiar with the statistics regarding teen aged mothers.


This first one was the one that alarmed me. Could this be true for the original poster's daughter??

#

* The younger a sexually experienced teenaged girl is, the more likely she is to have had unwanted or non-voluntary sex. Close to four in ten girls who had first intercourse at 13 or 14 report it was either non-voluntary or unwanted.

Who suffers the consequences?

* Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school, (only one-third receive a high school diploma)7 and more likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare).8
* The children of teenage mothers have lower birth weights9, are more likely to perform poorly in school10, and are at greater risk of abuse and neglect.11
* The sons of teen mothers are 13 percent more likely to end up in prison while teen daughters are 22 percent more likely to become teen mothers themselves.12
 
J

jaa4d

Guest
Just out of curiousity, is it possible for the Bio-Dad to adopt his natural daughter and the OP terminate his paternal rights? I don't have any expierence with this, but it seemed like it may accomplish what he was looking to do.

This is of course, if Bio-Dad wants to and CAN adopt her, since he and Bio-Mom aren't together. I don't have a clue, but maybe someone else can shed some light on it.
 

ellencee

Senior Member
I am posting two chapters of Title 93, from the Mississippi unannotated code, per Lexis-Nexis's site (redirected to this site from the State of Mississippi's site).

§ 93-17-15. Limitation on action to set aside final decree.

No action shall be brought to set aside any final decree of adoption, whether granted upon consent or personal process or on process by publication, except within six (6) months of the entry thereof.

Sources: Codes, 1942, § 1269-06; Laws, 1955, Ex. ch. 34, § 6; Laws, 1958, chs. 267, 285, § 2; Laws, 1971, ch. 399, § 1, eff from and after passage (approved March 23, 1971).

(I think this next chapter indicates that the entire legislative body was on drugs when they 'wrote' this mumbo-jumbo!)

§ 93-17-23. Re-adoption.

Any child heretofore adopted under the laws of the State of Mississippi and any child who may have been adopted under the provisions of this chapter, may be re-adopted under the provisions hereof. If any such prior adoption is valid, and the re-adoption proceedings be instituted by the persons who previously adopted the child, there shall be no waiting period and no investigation and no interlocutory decree, and a final decree of adoption may be granted by the court ex parte if it be to the best interest of the child that it be re-adopted. If the re-adoption be by any person who was not a petitioner in the prior adoption or adoptions, then in such re-adoption proceedings, the persons who previously adopted the child shall be substituted in the place and stead of the natural parent and the same procedure shall be followed as if such child sought to be re-adopted was being for the first time adopted under the provisions of this chapter.

Sources: Codes, 1942, § 1269-07; Laws, 1955, Ex. ch. 34, § 7, eff from and after July 1, 1955.
 

ellencee

Senior Member
jaa4d
After all I have read on adoption laws, from several states, I am beginning to think that bio-dad could adopt his child, but that it would have to be a 'single parent' adoption unless bio-dad is married and he and his wife adopt the girl. I am currently under the impression that the stepfather can't simply 'undo' his adoption of his stepdaughter and let the bio-father adopt in his place as neither is married to the mother and she retains custody of the minor; and, if bio-dad were to be married to the mother, then he could adopt the child; but since he isn't, he can't.

Sounds like I've been sharing those drugs, doesn't it?!

I do wish one of the attorneys, no matter what State, would explain this to us. I've read so much legal-speak, I am totally confused!
 

nextwife

Senior Member
RE: "READOPTION", and the term in the international adoption community

In many states, the "Re-Adoption" is an in-state READOPTION of an adoption finalized abroad (sometimes with state approval and under compliance with state adoption law), but ordered and approved in a foriegn court. THe partial purpose of which is to establish a vital record in the US with a US "birth cerificate" that can more easily be replaced. We "READOPTED" our daughter, and it had nothing to do with UNADOPTING her, rather, it was a second adoption that took place here, following the one that happened in Bulgaria. Because the state sanctioned the BG adpoption by approving our home-study etc, that meant when eventually we did our US adoption, no home study, criminal background check, financial reposrt were again needed.

Just had to clear that up- didn't want anyone presuming that those who readopted had necessarily ever stopped being their child's parents prior to "readopting".
 
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