X may want adopted son back

[momofanglesx3]

Ok...just to clarify a bit here. I came to ask for help about two items.

1 - My exhusband somehow obtained photos of my son and has them framed in his home. (These photos were taken in my home with my digital camera. The only prints made were done at the local walmart photo printer and I have them at home.) So how could he have possibly gotten those photo's? Can anything be done about it? It's not like he took a picture and framed it. Somehow these photos were illegally obtained by him.

I was personally horrified to find out that him or anyone could get their hands on photos of my children without my knowledge. To do anything they wanted with. Apparently, I didnt make that very clear in my first post.

2 - My second question was generally just can an adoption be reversed? If so, what would the bio parent have to do to get that done? (This one was answered - thank you so very much for reading through all the junk and seeing my real question and giving me an answer. I feel much better about it now that I know what you told me.) :-)

My situation is complicated, I know that.

I make mistakes for I am human. I love for I am a Mom. I protect for I am a parent. ;-)

[latigo]

Well pardon me for saying so, but in my opinion that is one unique, shortsighted arrangement.

The father decides which of his children he wants and those he doesn’t want and the mother concedes.

You had better pray that the emotional trauma your daughter is experiencing - and that of your son who will never understand why some “stranger” that is related to his sister and yet displays his photos - does not result in permanent scarring.

In all my many years of practicing family law I’ve never heard of the likes of this!

If anyone came into my office with such a split-up-the family adoption proposal, they’d be shown the door, pronto!

In fact I have a hard time believing that any conscientious family court judge would go along with it. Not unless he or she was convinced that in doing so the bloodlines would be properly rearranged.

And I’m really not interested in reading your protestations, which I’m certain will follow.

Fini

[latigo]

And I’m going to add this so that you can counterattack in one blow.

I suspect there is more to this “paternity” business than we’re given to know. Is it possible that the father was so willing to give up the boy due to his uncertainty and his rekindled interest is because of what he now sees in the photographs?

[txmom512]

Originally Posted by momofanglesx3

We do not mean to offend anyone in the way we have handled this. He just turned 5 years old so he just doesn't understand what it means. I say he doesn't know he is adopted - he doesn't know what it means. Here is what he does know. I am his Mama and my husband is his Daddy. He has a sister who goes to see her dad - but i am still Mama & my husband is still Daddy to her as well. He also has a little brother and he stays at home with mama and daddy just like him. No I haven't ever told him that her dad is his bio father. It's not like we are planning on keeping it from him forever just until he is old enough to understand it. He does know that his daddy and I didnt get married until after he was born. He was in the wedding. I also always tell him we were lucky because Daddy chose to love us (me, son, & daughter). He also loves the hear the story of how his daddy and I met. Any adult hearing the story would immediately know that my husband is not the biofather. He just isnt old enough to know what biological means and I'm not ready to explain how babies are made.

I may be wrong in that and i fully accept that. I am not perfect, I just try to do the best I can.

As the sister of an adopted brother, I have to admit I was a bit taken aback as well... If he doesn't know - explain it to him (them really, his siblings need to know as soon as possible as well).... The longer you wait the worse it is going to be when they find out - and they WILL find out... I can tell you how my parents handled it - they told my brother when he was 4 and wanted to know, like any 4 yr old, where babies come from. My parents told him where babies come from, and where he came from and how blessed we were to have him. It was complete natural and normal. My brother has always thought so much of his experience, he and his wife adopted a couple of their kids themselves.

It always bothers me when I hear of parents who don't tell - it causes such psychological damage later, you have no idea, and it's such a simple thing to do...

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by latigo

And I’m going to add this so that you can counterattack in one blow.

I suspect there is more to this “paternity” business than we’re given to know. Is it possible that the father was so willing to give up the boy due to his uncertainty and his rekindled interest is because of what he now sees in the photographs?

I have to wonder if his PARENTAL rights were actually terminated or if he was NOT given any visitation/custody rights. That is a possibility.
OP, was dad convicted of a crime against the child?

OP, did your daughter have any pics of her siblings with her? Also, he has supervised visits at HIS HOUSE? How do you know what is in his home?

Oh and Walmart posts many photos online for people to order. That is a possibility as well.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

I have to wonder if his PARENTAL rights were actually terminated or if he was NOT given any visitation/custody rights. That is a possibility.
OP, was dad convicted of a crime against the child?

OP, did your daughter have any pics of her siblings with her? Also, he has supervised visits at HIS HOUSE? How do you know what is in his home?

Oh and Walmart posts many photos online for people to order. That is a possibility as well.

She's too dim to even know what happened in her own life, in her own child's life.

Too dim to get out her court orders and re-read about what happened in her own life, and in her own child's life. That's just freakin' pathetic.

[CourtClerk]

Originally Posted by Silverplum

She's too dim to even know what happened in her own life, in her own child's life.

Too dim to get out her court orders and re-read about what happened in her own life, and in her own child's life. That's just freakin' pathetic.

Ya know... I couldn't agree more.

[momofanglesx3]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

I have to wonder if his PARENTAL rights were actually terminated or if he was NOT given any visitation/custody rights. That is a possibility.
OP, was dad convicted of a crime against the child?

OP, did your daughter have any pics of her siblings with her? Also, he has supervised visits at HIS HOUSE? How do you know what is in his home?

Oh and Walmart posts many photos online for people to order. That is a possibility as well.

Yes, his parental rights were terminated for my son. He was originally charged with attempted murder for me and the unborn child but the charges were reduced to assault and battery to me and endangering the life of an unborn child. I really didnt understand the orig. charge of attempt murder of me because my injuries were not life threatening to me. As to the paternity, he knew he was the father...the pregnancy was a planned one. We had been trying for a while to have a second child. At first he was happy about the pregnancy. He only changed his mind when he started dating a girl he worked with. He moved in with her and then they moved to another state. He moved back when things didn't work for them.

He was not given parental rights for our daughter. This was because of the charges related to my son. He never did anything to hurt our daughter so his rights were not terminated to her.

Yes, he has supervised visits in his home. They have for about a year now. He used to only be able to see her at his mother's home and before that it was at a location specified by the court. I know he has the photos because my daughter saw them and wanted to know why he had pictures of one of her brothers but not the other one. No, she doesn't carry any photos with her.

I didnt know that walmart did that. I didnt know they had the information stored anywhere. I take my memory card and insert it and print my pics. I never realized it copied the images to a place they could use for posting. That is good information to know. Thank you.

[Silverplum]

I've helpfully bolded the mangled parts.

Originally Posted by momofanglesx3

Yes, his parental rights were terminated for my son. He was originally charged with attempted murder for me and the unborn child but the charges were reduced to assault and battery to me and endangering the life of an unborn child. I really didnt understand the orig. charge of attempt murder of me because my injuries were not life threatening to me. As to the paternity, he knew he was the father...the pregnancy was a planned one. We had been trying for a while to have a second child. At first he was happy about the pregnancy. He only changed his mind when he started dating a girl he worked with. He moved in with her and then they moved to another state. He moved back when things didn't work for them.

He was not given parental rights for our daughter. This was because of the charges related to my son. He never did anything to hurt our daughter so his rights were not terminated to her.

Yes, he has supervised visits in his home. They have for about a year now. He used to only be able to see her at his mother's home and before that it was at a location specified by the court. I know he has the photos because my daughter saw them and wanted to know why he had pictures of one of her brothers but not the other one. No, she doesn't carry any photos with her.

I didnt know that walmart did that. I didnt know they had the information stored anywhere. I take my memory card and insert it and print my pics. I never realized it copied the images to a place they could use for posting. That is good information to know. Thank you.

You keep providing contradictory "information." It's not helping. Go see an attorney, pay for his/her time, bring any/all paperwork, let him/her de-mangle your mess.

[Zigner]

And, I'm STILL missing the problem with having pics hanging on the wall!

[TheGeekess]

Originally Posted by Zigner

And, I'm STILL missing the problem with having pics hanging on the wall!

It confuses their daughter.

I'd be talking to Granny and Grandpa about the 'shared' pictures. Wal-Mart does not store pictures that are printed out of the Kodak/FujiFilm kiosks. And how does Mom know that Daughter didn't take the camera with the card that has those photos on it with her? I can think of all sorts of ways that those pictures became available that aren't nefarious.

[momofanglesx3]

Originally Posted by Silverplum

I've helpfully bolded the mangled parts.



You keep providing contradictory "information." It's not helping. Go see an attorney, pay for his/her time, bring any/all paperwork, let him/her de-mangle your mess.

Ok..i used the wrong terminology with that. As to my daughter..his rights were not terminated as in he was not taken off the record as being the father. His rights to visitation were terminated or he was given none (however you want to put it). He has no legal right to see her the only reason he does it because when he moved back and wanted to know if he could see her I had it set up for him to see her via supervised visitation.

In reguards to my son, someone's previous post implied that he may have given up my son because he did not think he was his child but now can see that he was. My ex never denied being the father in the courts just via gossip in our town (a very small town).

Also, you previously posted that I didnt know what happened in my life. Maybe you should read the posts carefully. I stated that there was a hearing for the termination of his rights to my son.

I have contacted my lawyer, yesterday, actually. Now I have to decide whether or not to file charges over his having the photo or just let it go. According to my lawyer..and the court papers...he is never supposed to attempt to contact or find out information about the child. If my son should choose to, he can contact him when he turns 18. The papers state that my ex has a restraint on him in reguards to my son that he is not allowed within 25 feet of him until the child turns 18 and then only if the child chooses to make any such contact. I did not even know that. Apparently he can actually be locked up for something as simple as asking how he is doing. It violates his probation or something like that.

I also had stated that for all I knew he may could get visitation rights to my daughter if he asked for them through the court. My lawyer also stated that it was highly unlikely due to the extenuating(sp?) circumstances with this case.

Just for you to know...my ex was not always this type person. We were married for 5 years..more or less just a normal family..one child decided to have another..happy when we concieved..daily life included things like work, family get togethers, picnics, church,friends. The change came about within a month...he started a new job, started associating with apparently not the best kind of people through his work, then one day he just never came home. I got a phone call the next day when he told me he didnt want to the responsibility of being a husband and father anymore. He was only 28 years old and wanted to have fun with his life. He stated that he didn't think I should carry my pregnancy to term. I told him that I was not going to terminate my child's life just because he changed his mind. That night he came to my parent's house where I was spending the night (I was upset due to the sudden change in my world). I was there alone because my parents had taken my daughter out to eat. He came in to "talk about things". Again, he told me I needed to terminate my pregnancy because he didnt want another child anymore. He became very angry when I told him I was not going to do that. At which point he punched me in my stomach...telling me he would take care of it himself. He hit me twice more in my stomach and once in my face because I was fighting to get away from him when my brother came home....saw what was happening and called the cops. I didnt have to do anything in reguards to filing for his rights to be terminated....it was originated by the police department. It is a miracle truly that my son survived the attack..I was only 3 months pregnant.

Anyway...you seem to assume that I am an idiot or a bad person or mother or all of that. You have bashed me from your first post in response to me. Thankfully, my lawyer and apparently the judges don't automatically assume things like that.

To anyone reading and cares to know....My husband & I have decided not to pursue pressing any charges about the photo. My ex..after talking to his lawyer has given me the photos and told how he obtained them (which by the way WAS illegal...he got an employee to make them for him). He was told by his lawyer that should I choose to I could have him locked up and could make it impossible for him to see his daughter as well. He also stated that he felt bad about what happened and was hoping he could get to know my son because he and his wife have found out that they are unable to have children of their own and because of his history they are not candidates for adoption.

Amazing how things work out huh. So I will leave this site now...thanks to those who actually tried to help answer my questions. I, as a mother, was just afraid that there was a possiblity that all our lives would be turned upside down. I now know that is not going to happen. :-)

[BlondiePB]

Originally Posted by momofanglesx3

We do not mean to offend anyone in the way we have handled this. He just turned 5 years old so he just doesn't understand what it means. I say he doesn't know he is adopted - he doesn't know what it means. Here is what he does know. I am his Mama and my husband is his Daddy. He has a sister who goes to see her dad - but i am still Mama & my husband is still Daddy to her as well. He also has a little brother and he stays at home with mama and daddy just like him. No I haven't ever told him that her dad is his bio father. It's not like we are planning on keeping it from him forever just until he is old enough to understand it. He does know that his daddy and I didnt get married until after he was born. He was in the wedding. I also always tell him we were lucky because Daddy chose to love us (me, son, & daughter). He also loves the hear the story of how his daddy and I met. Any adult hearing the story would immediately know that my husband is not the biofather. He just isnt old enough to know what biological means and I'm not ready to explain how babies are made.

I may be wrong in that and i fully accept that. I am not perfect, I just try to do the best I can.

The following was told by me several years ago somewhere here on the site. I'll spare the gruesome details.

One of my sisters & hubby were awarded custody their infant granddaughter, then adopted her. Every year on the date of the adoption, they all celebrated the adoption. Of course the child, at first didn't understand, but the adoption was still celebrated faithfully.

Just little bits of info, age appropriate, were told to the child regarding what adoption meant. When the child was about 4/5 yrs old, they all went to an animal shelter to adopt a cat. My sister told her daughter that they were adopting a very special cat, just like she was so special - they (mom & dad) adopted her. The child could relate to that.

When in her teens, the adopted girl learned who was her biomom and met her biomom (her legal sister). At the time of discovery, my sister had a friend staying with them who was battered by a man. This teenager was then told how biomom's boyfriend (not the biodad), battered her when she was an infant, which was the primary reason why my sister & hubby obtained full custody.

To this day, this girl (who is now a young woman blessing the family with a child of her own a few months ago) knows exactly who are her parents, and it's not biomom.

[AHA]

Originally Posted by TheGeekess

It confuses their daughter.

Which could easily be eliminated by just talking to the kids about their family situation.

[Country Living]

I was fortunate many years ago to know a 10 year-old who was adopted at birth. Her parents never kept the adoption secret. The little girl told me “of all the children in the world, they chose me….I am that special!” Her parents felt the same way - of all the parents the child could have had, they were the ones blessed to raise her.

It’s never a good idea to keep adoption a secret. Secrets have a way of coming out and being ugly.